Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Red Dead Rickdemption

By Andrew Bridgman / August 12, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Red Dead Rickdemption
In Red Dead Redemption, there's a story mission where you help Bonnie round up some wild horses and at the end you get to break a golden stallion. I named the stallion Rick, and he was the Silver to my Lone Ranger throughout the entire game. I never let Rick out of my sight…even on missions that involved riding in wagons or on the train, I always made sure he was following close behind. I refused to let Rick die and would load a previous save file any time there was an accident, of which there were plenty (he had a propensity to wander into firefights and attract mountain lions). I estimate that I lost around 4-5 hours of gameplay just from backtracking to keep Rick alive. I was LIVID at the end of the game when John helped his family escape on a horse and the horse chosen for the cutscene was just some random mustang and NOT RICK.-Charles

At work, I use Outlook to manage my task list. I red flag anything that needs to be attended to, sort the whole inbox by flagged first, and uncheck it when it's done. I realized today I'm just playing Skyrim with life now.-Garrett

For 8 months I was dieting meaning I ate healthy foods, whole grains, low calories and keeping an eye on my over all intake. My parents thought it was because I was doing it for my health. The real reason was I didn't want to look fat in the Iron Man cosplay I was building for a local con. -Janan

Pwn Up: Pwn
Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Stormtroopers Speak Out

By Andrew Bridgman / February 26, 2014
The Stormtroopers Speak Out

Filed Under   stormtroopers   star wars   open letter   empire

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #12

August 10, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing a game of Halo 3 Slayer with one of my friends and we could hear another kid on our team talking to his friend in the same room. This kid had to be only like 12 or 13, and we could hear his friend start to scream at him. He then yells back as loud as he possibly can, "I don't care how hot she is, it's HALO time!"-Drew
"I'm gonna tactically insert my M-16 into your ACOG scope"-Kent
So my friend and I were playing MW2 on team deathmatch and we hear these french guys talking. So I say jokingly 'Ugh, f*cking frenchies.' They proceed to dish out what I guess they considered some hardcore smacktalk. Here is just a taste:'You are a f*cking virgin!''Yes, you are a little girl!''You can lick my shoes, virgin.'Good times.-Sean C.

Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #7

July 6, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

So me and my friend were playing COD4 and on the mic all we could hear is this really loud and annoying screaming. So we asked what it was. This was our answer: "Oh yeah, sorry guys that's my 3 year old daughter, one sec…… SHUT THE F@#K UP!!!!" The screaming stopped. -Colin

Kid: I'm coming! I'm coming!" I assume he was talking to his mom. Me: That's what she said.The game erupts in laughter.Kid: I don't get it.Room erupts in more laughter.Me: You will learn about it in college.-Matt

I got online on CODMOD 2, and said, "Hey everyone," and was met with the usual chorus of, "A GIRL?!" Then some 9 year old decided to be extremely original and say, "Bitch, make me a sammich!" So I retorted with, "I already did. It's sitting on your kitchen table." He left for a second, and when he came back, he said, terrified, "Oh my god there was really a sandwich there." I said, "I know, I made it." He immediately left.-Madison

Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article NBA Jam Rookie

December 8, 2010
  1. Rookie

    Oh wow! The NBA!

  2. Veteran

    Yup. This is the big time.

  3. Rookie

    Wow. Maybe one day I can be the new Michael Jordan.

  4. Veteran

    Who?

  5. Rookie

    Michael Jordan. Best basketball player of all time. Ring a bell?

  6. Veteran

    Never heard of him. I think you're thinking of Scottie Pippen.

  7. Rookie

    So, anything I need to know?

  8. Veteran

    Just your typical 2 on 2.

  9. Rookie

    I'm pretty sure that's not how pro basketball works.

  10. Veteran

    And how are your 30-foot high backwards dunks?

Filed Under   conversations   nba jam

Article Pwn Up: Winter is Here

By Jake Young / December 16, 2013

Pwn Up: Winter is Here

"I'm not wearing hockey pads- oh wait maybe I am. Nevermind"

 

Last February my Scout group went to the Northern Tier High Adventure Base in Minnesota to go dog-sledding. We were six miles from Canada, and it was COLD. Being from Louisiana, many of us had never seen snow before. The thing that made that trip for me was the last day we were there when I got to finally set my plan in motion. That morning I let everyone else go ahead of me before and then grabbed the outfit I had carried with me the whole trip. I had become THE BATMAN. I showed up to breakfast doing my best gravelly Christian Bale voice, saying things like "Where is breakfast? WHERE IS IT?!" or "The staff guide... Can he be trusted?" I kept this up throughout the rest of the day until it was time to leave. A lot of my friends say the best part was when we went out onto the frozen lake and my cape started billowing in the wind. I had a blast, and was making Batman references the whole time. So no-one will ever be able to beat my story from Mardi Gras 2013, because nobody else went dog-sledding in a Batman suit.
 
-Brandon

Filed Under   pwn my life   snow   pwn up   winter

Article Pwn Up: Con Artists

By Jake Young / November 25, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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One of my most memorable moments of any Convention to date would of been last year, when me and my friends were waiting for an elevator that seemed to take forever to get to our floor. Finally, it opens up to reveal a full-suited Batman doing Gangnam Style in the elevator with a Cookie Monster underneath. The sheer randomness and unexpected act made me laugh, while my other friends were too shocked to even react. It was one of those moments where you had to be there to fully enjoy it, but I'll never forget the grin on Batman's face as he danced. Oh, how he danced. 

 

 

 - Pash

 

Filed Under   cosplay   smash bros   pwn my life   comic-con   conventions   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: The Name's Born. Dragon Born.

By Andrew Bridgman / July 8, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: We Love You Guys And Thanks For Reading The URL
This is regarding Austin's complaint about fighting the Lungfish boss fight: You ain't got no right to complain about Psychonauts until you have endured the horror that is the F*CKING MEAT CIRCUS. I dislocated a toe while kicking a hole in my wall over that, and inadvertently introduced the word "motherf*ck" to the vocabulary of a 2 year-old.-Ameer

During a mighty shift on Skyrim, My friend & I came up with our own version of Adele's Skyfall. I now sing this everytime I hear the song, watch the movie, play Skyrim or do anything else in life.

At the SkyforgeWe make good swordsAt the SkyforgeWe make swords for Companions

At the SkyforgeWe make good swordsAt the SkyforgeWe make swords for werewolvesAt Skyforge-RMD

Back in the summer of 2000, when I was 10 years old, and my sister was 7, my parents took us to Universal Studios in Florida. While we went on a bunch of fun rides, the thing I remember the most is the trick I played on my sister:

After I had gotten out of a ride, there was a little souvenir shop, and it had cool rocks for sale. Being the little kid I was, I decided that they were totally worth it. I remember I liked these cool chrome looking rocks the most. My sister was with my mother at the time, so she never saw them.

The next time I saw my mom and my sister, we were getting ready to go into the 3D Terminator movie. It was pretty much the same kind of 3D we have in theaters today, but back then, it was pretty awesome. Well, there's this one part in the movie where a giant liquid metal terminator was blown up, and pieces of it were suspended in the air. My little sister thought that it was amazing.

After the movie ended, I told her I grabbed a piece of the blown terminator out of midair. She said I was lying. I pulled out the chrome rock, and she just stared in awe at me. The best part of this story? She believed the lie FOR YEARS. Every now and then, when I think she's getting a little too big for her britches, I quietly hand her one of the rocks. And she gives me an angry glare.-Nicholas

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Dorklyst: 10 Reasons Why Starcraft II Will Completely Take Over Your Life

August 4, 2010

Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty is what we in the business call a "planet killer." Now that it's launched, be prepared to have your job, relationship, and productivity tested. Here are some of the main reasons you'll wave goodbye to the outside world for a while after immersing yourself in Starcraft II.

1. It's True To The Original

You sit down and play a few matches, alternating between races, when you realize something- you've been here before. Déjà vu sets in- the units are different, the graphics are augmented with another dimension, but this is Starcraft. Somehow the people at Blizzard have managed to balance power-armored marines, mutant bugs, and space wizards a second time. Alone in your basement you stand up and applaud. Well done Blizzard…well done. Now finish your Hotpocket and spawn more overlords!

2. More Sequels On The Way

The people at Blizzard would like to tell you a story. Wings of Liberty is only the first game of three in the Starcraft II series. Why the break up? Well, it's definitely not to make more money. The developers at Blizzard say they want to do the story justice. Apparently the new non-linear campaign could take somewhere between 20 hours and 3 years to complete; so as soon as you finish Wings of Liberty, the second installment might be out.
…Who are we kidding? We'll probably be waiting another 12 years.

Article Pwn Up: All Skyrim Edition

By Kevin Corrigan / December 2, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

A girl I'd been dating for a little over a month just broke up with me. As we all know, Skyrim just came out. I liked her and wanted to introduce her to my world, so I let her create a Skyrim character. She enjoyed it. Anyway, the break up hurt me a lot so I killed her wood elf to get even. Bitch.-FrodoTheHutt

I pissed off a lot of guys on November 11 at Gamestop. They were there for the midnight release of Skyrim. I was there for the midnight release of Lego Harry Potter. I was first in line, and I took forever. The store clerk couldn't find the game, it was buried in the back room somewhere.-Sara S.

I've had Skyrim for over a week now, but I'm a high school teacher. I get less than an hour a day to play. My solution: I told my parents I was having Thanksgiving at my friends' house. I told my friends I was having Thanksgiving with my family. I got to play Skyrim all day without worrying about cooking birds or drunk relatives.-Mr. Fforde

In order to prepare for Skyrim, I played Red Dead Redemption and only used fire bottles. I pretended they were spells.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life