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Article The Dorklyst: The 7 Most Ridiculous Resurrections in Comic Book History

By Dan Abromowitz / June 15, 2012
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Life. Death. For all things, there is a season. Now you bask and frolic in the light of the sun, but in time, you, too, will be commended to the earth. Unless you're in a comic book, in which case, you'll probably just take a quick dirtnap and get back on your feet in no time, so long as yours is a commercially viable series (and sometimes even if it's not). For superheroes, returns to the world of the living range from triumphant to shockingly dumb to outright ridiculous. Here are the 7 most ridiculous resurrections in comic book history.

7. Aunt May

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In the Hitchcock film Psycho, mild-mannered Norman Bates lives alone in an old motel with his elderly mother, who commits horrible murders. By the end of the film, it's been revealed that Norman's mother has been dead for a decade, and the 'Mother' committing the murders is actually an aspect of his fractured psyche; he dresses like her, carries on conversations with her, and stole and preserved her corpse so she would never truly die. This is not unlike Peter Parker's relationship with his Aunt May, who has been very nearly murdered so many times it's a miracle she never built up an immunity. Most recently, she was shot in a failed hit by the Kingpin. Seeing his aunt dying again, Peter literally made a deal with the devil: In exchange for the life of an old, old woman in perpetual danger, Peter agreed to retroactively give up his marriage and entire romantic history with his bombshell supermodel wife. Time was turned back, allowing Peter to spend many more blissful years with his aunt's embalmed corpse. Of course, this is only slightly more ridiculous than the last time Aunt May died, at which point she turned out to have been a surgically-altered actress all along, because that's a thing that happens.

Filed Under   comics   death   dorklyst

Article 5 Mistakes Every Videogame With A Morality System Makes

By Miklós Takács / December 2, 2013

5 Mistakes Every Videogame With A Morality System Makes

The concept of moral choice systems in video games sounds really good on paper. Instead of doing whatever the narrative tells you to do, you can make your very own decisions, allowing you to have an impact on the world, and to see the consequences of your actions. It's unfortunate that more often than not they are flawed, unfair, and brainmeltingly stupid.

Here's a list of common mistakes even the greatest games tend to make.

 

1. It's either Good or Evil, there's nothing else

Quick, think of a person you know. Now describe that person with only one word. What word did you use? Greedy, lazy, selfish, kind, friendly? Maybe one of those, maybe not. But I'm sure there are two words you didn't use. Good and Evil. People are not that simple, and for some reason developers fail to acknowledge that. They keep making these systems like every single person is either black or white, but next to all people are in the grey area. We all have positive and negative qualities. On good days we smile at the world. On bad days we tend to be shitheads. But this is not how things go in Videoland.

 

5 Recurring Mistakes In Moral Choice System Based Videogames 

Article The Dorklyst: The 12 Greatest Videogames Based On Movies

By Alex Schmidt / November 16, 2012
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The immutable Laws Of Corporate Synergy (they're like the Three Laws Of Motion, but for money) require tentpole movies to have videogame adaptations. That's how we know Star Wars Episode VII will have no less than 8 games based on it (hopefully at least one about podracing). It's why Skyfall is already the jumping-off point for a through-the-franchise Bond game. And considering they're already doing The Great Gatsby in 3D, they might as well print some more money with The Sims: West Egg.

Now even though movie cash-in video games start life as an extra revenue source for a ruthless corporation, they're also the biggest project of any game developer's year. A lot of them turn out to be labors of love worth playing again and again, long after the film fades into obscurity as Saturday afternoon programming on TNT. Here are the 12 greatest videogames based on movies.

12. Ghostbusters: The Video Game

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A lot of videogame-to-movie adaptations are only good ideas because the cinematic source material is ridiculously great. Best example: this 2009 "shooter" (sort of) where you get to be a Ghostbuster in what's essentially the franchise's third movie. Sure, after some mediocre NES entries when the original movies came out, the idea of a good Ghostbusters game seems as crazy as cats and dogs living together – mass hysteria, right? Plus, the endless ghost-trapping is only sort of fun, there's no way to translate Bill Murray's brilliance into stilted cutscenes, but did you read that part before? You get to be a Ghostbuster. That's worth a rental just for the wander-the-Ghostbusters-firehouse experience you get in between missions. There's even a surprisingly hot NPC version of Janine Melnitz. Do your best Spengler and holla at her.

Filed Under   movies   the dorklyst   dorklyst   dorklysts

Article 7 Family Members and Their Stats

December 1, 2010

Filed Under   stats

Article 45 Examples of Realistic Videogame Characters

By Staff / November 8, 2013
40 Examples of Realistic Videogame Characters

Filed Under   zelda   mario   pokemon   realistic   internerd

Article Gamebook: The Entirety of "Star Wars: A New Hope" in One Facebook Thread

October 22, 2010
Filed Under   star wars   gamebook

Article Valentine's Dorklyst: The 8 Dumbest Romances in Videogame History

February 11, 2011



Romance in video games: It makes us laugh, it makes us cry, it makes us scratch our heads and sort of sit back and look confusedly at the screen. Mostly the last one. There have been a lot of horrible romance subplots in video games, but here's our tribute to the worst.


8. Ryu Hayabusa and Irene Lew (Ninja Gaiden)



Ninja Gaiden for NES is a ludicrously hard side scroller with a ninja protagonist named Ryu whose romance starts when he sees a young girl and says, "Just a girl. Get out of here!" Ninja Gaiden comes from the era of dialogue that could only be produced by Koreans translating Japanese games into English without understanding either language. Not only does Irene shoot Ryu at one point, but they only end up together because Ryu proclaims that he'll be taking her as his payment for saving the world. Luckily, she's inexplicably aroused by this, so they kiss and sort of hold each other while they conclusively watch the sun rise. Even though she still probably wants to kill him.


7. Altaïr ibn-La'Ahad and Maria (Assassin's Creed 2)



The unfolding of this relationship can barely even be called a romantic subplot — it's more like an afterthought. It's like Ubisoft realized two weeks before the game shipped out that the concept of DNA memory (and therefore the entire franchise) depends on Altaïr reproducing, even though he's a combination between ninjas and monks, the two most celibate professions in the ancient world. So they threw in a level where Altaïr chases a mysterious cloaked figure to the top of a tower, finds out it's a beautiful woman, and then has sex with her. On a tower, without a single word of foreplay or even warning, and with both of them wearing all their clothes. Then Altaïr uses his assassin skills to promptly get the hell out of there, because assassins make terrible dads.

Article 5 Crazy Fan Theories That Make Total Sense

By Andrew Bridgman / January 8, 2014

 5 Crazy Fan Theories That Make Total Sense

 

1. Vault Boy Isn't Giving a Thumbs Up - He's Checking Whether Or Not He's About To Die

5 Crazy Fan Theories That Make Total Sense

Source: Reddit

The chipper, cheery mascot of the Fallout series has always been Vault Boy, the blonde-haired, bright-smiled lad giving a big thumbs up and a delightful wink, in stark contrast to the horrible post-nuclear war dystopian future the game plops you in. But WHY exactly is he giving you a thumbs up? And is there an explanation for what he's doing that makes more sense than a jokey contrast between retro-optimism vs. current misery? As you can probably tell from the tone of the article so far, there totally is.

Article The Dorklyst: The 20 Worst Commercials In Videogame History

By Andrew Bridgman / August 10, 2012
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Videogame advertising should be almost impossibly simple: all anyone needs to hear is that it's a videogame, it's fun to play, and…that's it. "Videogames are fun, you should buy this one because look how fun it is!" Nothing more is necessary. But maybe it's because of the utter simplicity needed that marketing for videogames gets so weird – to set your videogame apart, maybe the ad should be a surreal journey into a bizarre, trippy, nonsensical world?

The answer to that question is "no, really you shouldn't do that, that's just confusing", but don't tell the gaming industry that, because they're pretty committed to it. Here are the worst videogame commercials of all-time.

20. Sega CD

You know when you're watching TV and a guy comes on and starts berating you about something and you have an IQ of 35 so you're incapable of speaking other than grunts and…well, relatability is probably not the goal here. The goal is to show how the weird, bad graphics of the Sega CD will cause a wind tunnel in your home and briefly turn you into a skeleton and finally turn you into the Joker. "Sega CD" is a pretty disappointing answer to how he got those scars.

Filed Under   sony   Sega   nintendo   the dorklyst   commercials   microsoft

Article The Dorklyst: 10 More of the Greatest Snow Levels in Videogame History

December 22, 2010


Though we stand behind our first tribute to snow levels, we realize we overlooked a bunch of really great ones. So here's part 2! Enjoy our second tribute to the greatest wintery levels in videogame history. And if we missed one, maybe we'll make a part 3! …But don't count on it.

10.

Few games seem so easily adaptable to the videogame world as Scott Pilgrim – probably because Scott Pilgrim itself was so deeply influenced by videogames. Whether you think the Michael Cera film version was awesome or the awesomest (it's actually a little of both), it's hard to deny how great this throwback, beat-em-up game was – and this level was a pretty fantastic introduction. It's games like this that make me wish my girlfriend had evil exes for me to defeat. And that people I beat up would turn into coins, instead of assault charges.


9.

Ice Man may look like a relatively nonthreatening, slightly-deformed, neckless eskimo, but looks can be deceiving in the world of Mega Man. His stage is one of the most challenging in the original – much moreso than the barely-not-copyright-infringing Bomb Man or the effective-against-Paper-Man Cut Man. The most challenging aspect was that nagging question: Why are there frozen-over palm trees in the background? Was it a bold statement about climate change, or did Capcom just try to lazily re-use some beach level sprites? You be the judge.

Filed Under   the dorklyst   snow levels