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Article Pwn Up: Awards Season

By Andrew Bridgman / March 11, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Award Season - Image 1
The "Every Game Is Edu-tainment From Someone's Perspective" Award goes to…

I smile every time I read comments about how hard NES and SNES games back in the day, because it was even harder for me and my friends. We lived in Mexico and neither of us spoke English, but we were able to get our hands on American games. Our curse was that we were RPG fans – and that meant that we needed to talk to everyone in every town (with one of our friends using a dictionary to try to get the main idea of what was being said) in order to make some progress. Needless to say, our vocabulary improved a lot, and that helped me learn to speak English better than any course I ever took.-Eduardo

The "The Family That Trains Together, Stays Together" Award goes to…

So I went on my first ever foreign holiday to Cyprus a while ago along with my step-brother (who I didn't know too well at the time). He asked to borrow Pokemon HeartGold for the plane ride. He only stopped playing a few times a day through the entire holiday, once to ask me to give him a quiz about Kanto. I've never been closer to any family member ever.-Anonymous

The "Love Is A Complicated Thing" Award goes to…

Email 1:My girlfriend and I met the day after my birthday. I went to a fall festival down by my house. The only reason her and I even met was that she was wearing cosplay of Chell from Portal, and the reason we got together? She had stopped to join a costume contest, and I placed my hand on her and said, (in my best Space-Core impersonation), "Space!" We had our first kiss that day at the park, and we've been together ever since.

Email 2:We broke up. . .please don't publish this. . .if you've already decided then do if you must. . .however if you have not. . .don't publish it in the article. . .I'm sorry.

Email 3:I sent that to soon…sorry – we're still together.

-Joe

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article What Would You Do For a Next Gen Console?

By Chloe Cole / November 26, 2013

What crazy stuff would the people of Twitter do for an Xbox One or a PS4? Murder, organ donation, selling loved ones, and butt stuff are just some of the things. Actually, "butt stuff" is most of the things. You'll see.

 

What Would You Do For a Next Gen Console

Filed Under   wtf   twitter   ps4   xbox one

Article The 6 Weirdest Tie-in Videogames

July 12, 2010

1. Chester Cheetah: Too Cool To Fool/Wild Wild Quest

Chester Cheetah was part of the rash of 80's/90's "EXTREME" mascots that tried to teach kids that the only way to be cool was to wear shades all the time, eat terrible junk food and say rad catchphrases like "It ain't easy bein' cheesy!" No kidding! Especially when there is zero actual cheese in your product. But "It ain't easy being orange powdery" didn't have the same bite.

The games were more or less what you'd expect from a Chester Cheetah game: a standard platformer. Chester contended with BODACIOUS skateboarders and GNARLY scorpions, utilizing the SUPERBLY CHEESY taste of Cheetos to give him the energy to ride a ROCKIN' motorcycle for some reason and fight bad dudes. You do have to wonder – did Cheetos know gamers at all? Did they really think they needed videogames to remind them to eat Cheetos? The gamer food pyramid consists of nothing but Cheetos and Mountain Dew: Code Red as it is.

WEIRD FACT: There were two Chester Cheetah games. America, for shame.

2. Cool Spot

Speaking of "extreme" mascots who wore shades all the time…I humbly present to you, Cool Spot. Probably one of the least imaginative mascots ever, Cool Spot was a red circle with arms and legs and, naturally, some sweet shades. He was only slightly more entertaining than Orlando Jones naively shouting "UP YOURS" to citrus pop-loving folk.

Shockingly, this game was pretty entertaining despite being about a red dot grabbing 7-Up soda bubbles on a beach. Still, I think we can all agree that a "Heads Up, 7-Up" game would have been roughly 100x better.

WEIRD FACT: 7-Up's motto at the time of the game was "Uncola" – which was Spanish for "We need to think of a new motto, Jerry."

Article Twas the Night Before Steam Sale

By Andrew Bridgman / December 18, 2013
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Filed Under   christmas   holidays   winter   steam sale

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #8

July 13, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Me and a group from work were playing Halo 3 Death match together. While we're playing talking as normal, we suddenly hear a really loud whining noise cutting in and out. Suddenly we hear "MA! STOP VACUUMING THE RUG!!". He's 29.-John
"Man, you're laggin' like a filibuster."-Alex
While playing CoD4, I pointed out to a guy that he sounded exactly like Hank Hill from King of the Hill, and I mean exactly. He then spent the next several games going off about Propane and Propane accessories and yelling out things so dead on I almost died laughing. You could always tell when he got shot because he would start with "Damn it Peggy!" And then go off on a rant for several minutes that always ended up about Propane.-Stephen H.
I was once playing COD4 cage match against some 12 year old kid that kept declaring that he was going to 'destroy me' in the fight. Naturally, as a d-bag 10th prestige, I figured I would decimate this kid so I just let him talk. After I got 9 kills on this kid, he threw a random grenade and killed me and stated "Oh yeah, You don't mess with the best". And proceeded to say that until the end of the game. I then set my schedule around following that kid into matches shooting him in the face and then saying "Don't mess with the best."-Kerch
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Pwn Up: Live Long and Spell Correctly

By Andrew Bridgman / February 8, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Live Long and Spell Correctly - Image 1
I once saw something funny happen (It was a guy slipping over or something) and then I thought "That's funny, I got to put that in my file share," followed by "I've clearly been playing to much Halo."-Shan

I was driving home from work and while at a stoplight behind a dude with the license plate "TREKIE", I honked, held up my phone case (science division in Spock blue with the Trek symbol) and gave the Vulcan salute. He laughed and returned the gesture. I'm sure there was a limit on the characters in the license plate or someone already had the correct version, but I was secretly upset his plate didn't say "TREKKIE" (with an extra "K").-Matt

When I was 5 or 6, I had gotten Pokemon LeafGreen for the Gameboy Advance – my first experience with Pokemon. After I got my Bulbasaur, I managed to go to Viridian and got stuck for a long time, not knowing I had to deliver the parcel to Oak. I didn't know what to do, so I kept battling wild Pokemon to a point where I had a Venusaur just from level 2-3 Pokemon's exp. points. The next couple hours were pretty boring, since my Venusaur was at a way higher level than everything I ran into.-Fotis

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Street Fighting Man

By Jake Young / November 11, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Street Fighting Man

illustration by Michael Mayne

I've been in the pro wrestling business for a little over a year now, getting my feet wet in one of the most prominent territories in North America, Ohio Valley Wrestling, or, OVW. When the time finally came to pick an entrance theme to charge into battle to, I could think of nothing better than my go-to workout remix of Guile's Street Fighter theme. Anyone who recognizes the jam usually pops (cheers) big time, as it's certainly a dorky choice for an entrance theme. 

-Joe

One afternoon when I was a little kid, I was being a tough guy out in the backyard. I was showing off for my sister and doing all my awesome martial arts moves. After awhile I tried doing a cool kick I used all the time as Bruce in Tekken. I took a running start and shouted BAZOOKA FOOT as I thrust my leg out in front of me, just like in the game. That move doesn't work in real life, I slipped and busted my ass pretty hard. My sister laughed. I just cried.

 (And yes I am nerdy enough to remember the move is actually called Foot Bazooka, and he doesn't shout it as he does the move.)

-Craig.

 

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Mists of Pwndaria

By Kevin Corrigan / October 28, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I tell my wife that I think about her giving birth, how inspiring it is and the pain she overcame, whenever I work out and need to push through a heavy set. In reality I think of Batman and his inability to give up during the Knightfall story line. Batman didn't need an epidural.-Danny

Everything I know about football I learned reading anime, particularly Eyeshield 21.-Raph

I'm right-handed, but I fully intend to play Skyward Sword as a lefty LIKE IT SHOULD BE.-Darth Jader

I used to practice Muay Thai. One time my coach had me spar this huge guy who was also the most experienced fighter in the gym. I was only in my second month of training. After some ordinary beating, he clinched my neck. I couldn't get loose. I struggled for a while and receiving four punches to the head. All I remember after that was screaming "SHORYUKEN!" and delivering a jumping uppercut to his jaw. Not only did I get loose, but he fell down, mostly from surprise. Everyone stared at me for what felt like an eternity before my coach burst out laughing. The entire gym laughed at me for two weeks until I injured my shoulder and quit.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article 6 Classic Books From the Mushroom Kingdom

August 12, 2010

Filed Under   mario

Article Zealots Need Work

February 23, 2011
  1. Zealot

    Alright, let's do it! For Auir!

  2. Stalker

    Yeah, let's-wait, are those swords?

  3. Zealot

    Beam swords! Yeah!

  4. Stalker

    Back up. Aren't we super advanced aliens?

  5. Zealot

    Yup.

  6. Stalker

    Why do we have sword?. Even the humans have guns. Not swords. Guns. You'd think we'd get that figured out by now…

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations