Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Live Long and Spell Correctly

By Andrew Bridgman / February 8, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Live Long and Spell Correctly - Image 1
I once saw something funny happen (It was a guy slipping over or something) and then I thought "That's funny, I got to put that in my file share," followed by "I've clearly been playing to much Halo."-Shan

I was driving home from work and while at a stoplight behind a dude with the license plate "TREKIE", I honked, held up my phone case (science division in Spock blue with the Trek symbol) and gave the Vulcan salute. He laughed and returned the gesture. I'm sure there was a limit on the characters in the license plate or someone already had the correct version, but I was secretly upset his plate didn't say "TREKKIE" (with an extra "K").-Matt

When I was 5 or 6, I had gotten Pokemon LeafGreen for the Gameboy Advance – my first experience with Pokemon. After I got my Bulbasaur, I managed to go to Viridian and got stuck for a long time, not knowing I had to deliver the parcel to Oak. I didn't know what to do, so I kept battling wild Pokemon to a point where I had a Venusaur just from level 2-3 Pokemon's exp. points. The next couple hours were pretty boring, since my Venusaur was at a way higher level than everything I ran into.-Fotis

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Mists of Pwndaria

By Kevin Corrigan / October 28, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I tell my wife that I think about her giving birth, how inspiring it is and the pain she overcame, whenever I work out and need to push through a heavy set. In reality I think of Batman and his inability to give up during the Knightfall story line. Batman didn't need an epidural.-Danny

Everything I know about football I learned reading anime, particularly Eyeshield 21.-Raph

I'm right-handed, but I fully intend to play Skyward Sword as a lefty LIKE IT SHOULD BE.-Darth Jader

I used to practice Muay Thai. One time my coach had me spar this huge guy who was also the most experienced fighter in the gym. I was only in my second month of training. After some ordinary beating, he clinched my neck. I couldn't get loose. I struggled for a while and receiving four punches to the head. All I remember after that was screaming "SHORYUKEN!" and delivering a jumping uppercut to his jaw. Not only did I get loose, but he fell down, mostly from surprise. Everyone stared at me for what felt like an eternity before my coach burst out laughing. The entire gym laughed at me for two weeks until I injured my shoulder and quit.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: Street Fighting Man

By Jake Young / November 11, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Street Fighting Man

illustration by Michael Mayne

I've been in the pro wrestling business for a little over a year now, getting my feet wet in one of the most prominent territories in North America, Ohio Valley Wrestling, or, OVW. When the time finally came to pick an entrance theme to charge into battle to, I could think of nothing better than my go-to workout remix of Guile's Street Fighter theme. Anyone who recognizes the jam usually pops (cheers) big time, as it's certainly a dorky choice for an entrance theme. 

-Joe

One afternoon when I was a little kid, I was being a tough guy out in the backyard. I was showing off for my sister and doing all my awesome martial arts moves. After awhile I tried doing a cool kick I used all the time as Bruce in Tekken. I took a running start and shouted BAZOOKA FOOT as I thrust my leg out in front of me, just like in the game. That move doesn't work in real life, I slipped and busted my ass pretty hard. My sister laughed. I just cried.

 (And yes I am nerdy enough to remember the move is actually called Foot Bazooka, and he doesn't shout it as he does the move.)

-Craig.

 

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article 6 Classic Books From the Mushroom Kingdom

August 12, 2010

Filed Under   mario

Article Zealots Need Work

February 23, 2011
  1. Zealot

    Alright, let's do it! For Auir!

  2. Stalker

    Yeah, let's-wait, are those swords?

  3. Zealot

    Beam swords! Yeah!

  4. Stalker

    Back up. Aren't we super advanced aliens?

  5. Zealot

    Yup.

  6. Stalker

    Why do we have sword?. Even the humans have guns. Not swords. Guns. You'd think we'd get that figured out by now…

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations

Article Don Mattrick's Internal Memo To Zynga Employees

By Andrew Bridgman / July 1, 2013

It was just announced that Microsoft's Interactive Entertainment Business President, Don Mattrick, is leaving Microsoft (and his role as the face of Xbox) for the CEO position at Zynga, a major social gaming company behind such games as FarmVille. This is the internal memo sent to Zynga employees by their new CEO.

Filed Under   xbox   microsoft   zynga   don mattrick   memos

Article Rapping Shop Owners, Item Rentals, and Destroying Evil: Our Review of the New Zelda Game

By Andrew Bridgman / November 15, 2013

Review: The Legend of Zelda A Link Between Worlds

 

What You Need To Know About The Legend of Zelda - A Link Between Worlds:

  • The map is a near identical recreation of the Hyrule from A Link to the Past, for better or worse. It's fun to come back to a familiar world with new twists added to it, but at the same time there's less sense of discovery.

  • You get to rent and purchase pretty much all the big items you would normally get through the course of a normal Zelda game (hookshot, bow & arrow, etc.) at the beginning of the game AND IT IS AMAZING.

  • Instead of having a magic meter and item collecting (set number of bombs, arrows, etc.), you have one single general meter for magic and items that automatically refills AND IT IS AMAZING.

  • A mother and father who seem very worried about the whereabouts of their young child don't seem to be too concerned when you tell them that their child is a magic sage who is now in a dimension separate from our own to help destroy an ancient evil, which is weird.

  • There's a rapping shop owner.

  • REPEAT: THERE'S A RAPPING SHOP OWNER.

Filed Under   zelda   rap   reviews   dorkly review   link between worlds

Article Pwn Up: All Ghillied Up

By Andrew Bridgman / March 18, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: - Image 2
My freshman year of college was when Call of Duty: Modern Warfare was released. The two weeks leading up to spring exams, my buddies and I played the game pretty much 24/7, surviving only on a diet of pizza rolls, diet tea, and cookies. By the end of the two weeks, it began to mess with my head. I even had dreams I was in the game. One night, there was a huge thunderstorm. I fell asleep on the couch after another long day of playing Call of Duty. While asleep, I had another dream I was in the middle of warfare. After a loud crash of thunder, I jolted up half awake. At that moment, my roommate came running down the stairs and said it sounded like shotguns outside. Still in a daze, I began to freak out. He asked me what was wrong but I told him to leave me alone. Before I went to sleep, I made peace with everything in my life ready for the war outside to take my life. The next morning I was alive and my roommates were wondering what was wrong with me last night. It was then that I realized the events that took place. Moral of the story: man can not live on a steady diet of pizza rolls, cookies, and Call of Duty without consequences.- Robert L.

Since my fiancee and I live 12 hours away from each other, we decided to meet up halfway (in Dallas, TX) to take our engagement photos in May. I just rescheduled the day of the photos with the photographer so that we can be there for Dallas Comic-Con solely so that we can meet Nathan Fillion.-Leigh

I asked a friend once the usual "What would you do if you had a time machine?" question. I was expecting the usual "I'd go back and kill Hitler" or something. But without much thought, he retorted "I wouldn't want a time machine. I'd have to beat Dark Souls again." It was the single best answered I'd ever received for that question. I was stumped and realized, I wouldn't want to a time machine either that point.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #5

June 22, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Playing MW2Player A: They're all in the bunker, you guys go in the back door.Player B (without missing a beat): That's what she said.-Ross H.

During a CoD MW2 game these two kids on my team were going at it about bitch play styles and what not. When one of them seemed to be backed into a corner he came back with the simple question of "What's your credit score? No seriously, tell me your f*cking credit score!" He won the argument because the other kid had a sh*tty score.-Eric

"If someone doesn't shoot down that Harrier, I'm gunna fart in my hand and smell it!"-Brent

Last week I was playing Halo and this kid's Mom comes into the room and starts yelling at him to clean his room or she will start breaking things, He told her to F-off, Then we start hearing, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, not my DS! SMASH. Then no, no, not my Xbox… He went offline, we assume he got his Xbox smashed.-Josh

Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #4

June 17, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing CoDMW2 and a kid, (I'm assuming about 13-14) announced after a 12 kill streak "I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH AND DOOM! BOW BEFORE ME. NONE CAN STOP MY MIGHT", closely followed by "Honey, if you don't take out the trash I'm going to take you off your silly game." The reply from the kid was mostly warbled moans, pleads and cries.-Dave

I got rickroll'd over Xbox live.- Hunter K.

"I'm gonna cut your d*ck off and tape it to my d*ck! Then I'll have a super-d*ck!"- Brian D.

My friends and I were playing Call of Duty 4 and one of my friends is notorious for making fun of girls and little kids. This one match there happened to be a very annoying girl playing, and my one friend started picking on her trying to get her worked up. Halfway through the match, a little kid spoke up and told my friend to quit harassing her. Immediately after the kid said this, my friend told the kid that if he didn't shut the F*** up, he was going to spread the kids nut sack around his dick and use the skin to jerk off. The girl that the kid was defending laughed at the kid, who left moments later. - M0RM0NxMURDERER

Filed Under   overheard on xbox