Articles

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Article The Weekly IRL: 5 Awesome Tetris Videos

December 9, 2010





Filed Under   tetris   the weekly irl

Article The Weekly IRL: A Cosplayer's Best Friend

By Staff / October 20, 2011


Filed Under   cosplay   the weekly irl   dogs

Article Dorklassic: New Sim On The Block

September 13, 2010
  1. Bill

    Hello, new acquaintance.

  2. Dave

    Hey, neighbor, can I ask you something?

  3. Bill

    City hall. Rain cloud. Dollar sign.

  4. Dave

    Um, yeah. Listen, I really need a friend. My boss says I can't get promoted until I get one and learn something about cooking. Life in politics is not what I imagined.

  5. Bill

    Soccer ball. Earth. Ghost!

  6. Dave

    Uh…huh.

  7. Bill

    I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

  8. Pause.

  9. Dave

    So….you watch any sports or anything?

  10. Bill

    Backrub?

  11. Dave

    Um, no thanks. I only ask because my TV only gets four channels, and they all speak this non-sense jibberish language. It's so weird.

  12. Bill

    Backrub?

  13. Dave

    Uh, still no, thanks.

  14. Bill

    Tickle!

  15. Dave

    Haaaa…very funny. That was not at all awkward.

  16. Bill

    We're friends now.

  17. Dave

    Jeez, really? Okay, whatever you say. I dunno how I'm supposed to prove that to my boss. Would you mind signing something?

Filed Under   the sims

Article Pwn Up: My Kingdom For a Heart

By Andrew Bridgman / August 5, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Hey Guys Whats Up
My family is fully aware of my obsession with Kingdom Hearts, so when Kingdom Hearts 3D came out and the ending said KH3 would be released soon, I was more than sure it would come out in the PS3. With a few good arguments and explaining how a PS3 would be better than our current (at that time) PS2, my parents finally bought it. At this year's E3 though, when KH3 was finally announced I was more than excited, but a little dissapointed it was coming for PS4 and Xbox One. Now I'm hoping it'll release when I finish studying and have a job so I can buy it myself, and I'm just 18. See you in four years, KH3.-Stephanie

I was playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf and just doing some nightly rounds to look for new insects, since it was the initial days of July. I had just seen a scorpion and started walking towards it (I have to mention I was out for dinner and had run into some of my cousin's friends, who had just finished eating and were leaving). One of them extended his hand to say goodbye just as I was getting near the scorpion. I ignored him for a few seconds but then he said: "You need to let go of videogames from time to time." This made me lose concentration, release the button beforehand and finally get stung by the scorpion. To this day I still haven't caught the scorpion and refuse to shake the guy's hand.-Alberto

Lately, I've been going on walks around a nearby lake (probably about two miles) with my girlfriend after work every weekday. She really enjoys it and we talk about everything. However, the real reason I've been going on these walks is that since I got my car about a month ago, my 3DS has had a lot less play coins than normal because I don't have to walk to the train station every day to get to work and school.-Dylan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #11

August 3, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was at my friends house playing Halo 3 and this one kid in our game couldn't play because he didn't have the mythic map pack, so he asked how to get it. And this other kid said "OK, what you do is you get your Xbox, put in Halo 3, and Shake it!" Then the 12 year old kid disconnected and never joined back in the party.-Cooper
I was playing MW2 a few days after my girlfriend had broken up with me.  I was pretty down in the dumps at the time. After destroying a team in TDM, my opponents all got on the mic and started talking some SERIOUS sh*t to me. Instead of ignoring it or talking sh*t back, I decided to throw them a curveball for fun, saying, "Honestly, compared to everything else going on in my life, having people talk sh*t to me is no big deal."  After a brief silence, one of the guys who had been harassing me said jokingly, "Do you want to talk about it?" The whole lobby, including myself erupted in laughter.-Nick
My (very rude) cousin was over at my house, and he had no problem making himself feel at home and play my 360 without my permission. He went on doing stupid things like friending someone I don't know. Later that day, I was sitting at the table minding my own business when from the other room I hear, "What? My voice sounds like your sister's? It's cuz I make out with her so much!"-Flippy
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Pwn Up: Awards Season

By Andrew Bridgman / March 11, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Award Season - Image 1
The "Every Game Is Edu-tainment From Someone's Perspective" Award goes to…

I smile every time I read comments about how hard NES and SNES games back in the day, because it was even harder for me and my friends. We lived in Mexico and neither of us spoke English, but we were able to get our hands on American games. Our curse was that we were RPG fans – and that meant that we needed to talk to everyone in every town (with one of our friends using a dictionary to try to get the main idea of what was being said) in order to make some progress. Needless to say, our vocabulary improved a lot, and that helped me learn to speak English better than any course I ever took.-Eduardo

The "The Family That Trains Together, Stays Together" Award goes to…

So I went on my first ever foreign holiday to Cyprus a while ago along with my step-brother (who I didn't know too well at the time). He asked to borrow Pokemon HeartGold for the plane ride. He only stopped playing a few times a day through the entire holiday, once to ask me to give him a quiz about Kanto. I've never been closer to any family member ever.-Anonymous

The "Love Is A Complicated Thing" Award goes to…

Email 1:My girlfriend and I met the day after my birthday. I went to a fall festival down by my house. The only reason her and I even met was that she was wearing cosplay of Chell from Portal, and the reason we got together? She had stopped to join a costume contest, and I placed my hand on her and said, (in my best Space-Core impersonation), "Space!" We had our first kiss that day at the park, and we've been together ever since.

Email 2:We broke up. . .please don't publish this. . .if you've already decided then do if you must. . .however if you have not. . .don't publish it in the article. . .I'm sorry.

Email 3:I sent that to soon…sorry – we're still together.

-Joe

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article What Would You Do For a Next Gen Console?

By Chloe Cole / November 26, 2013

What crazy stuff would the people of Twitter do for an Xbox One or a PS4? Murder, organ donation, selling loved ones, and butt stuff are just some of the things. Actually, "butt stuff" is most of the things. You'll see.

 

What Would You Do For a Next Gen Console

Filed Under   wtf   twitter   ps4   xbox one

Article The 6 Weirdest Tie-in Videogames

July 12, 2010

1. Chester Cheetah: Too Cool To Fool/Wild Wild Quest

Chester Cheetah was part of the rash of 80's/90's "EXTREME" mascots that tried to teach kids that the only way to be cool was to wear shades all the time, eat terrible junk food and say rad catchphrases like "It ain't easy bein' cheesy!" No kidding! Especially when there is zero actual cheese in your product. But "It ain't easy being orange powdery" didn't have the same bite.

The games were more or less what you'd expect from a Chester Cheetah game: a standard platformer. Chester contended with BODACIOUS skateboarders and GNARLY scorpions, utilizing the SUPERBLY CHEESY taste of Cheetos to give him the energy to ride a ROCKIN' motorcycle for some reason and fight bad dudes. You do have to wonder – did Cheetos know gamers at all? Did they really think they needed videogames to remind them to eat Cheetos? The gamer food pyramid consists of nothing but Cheetos and Mountain Dew: Code Red as it is.

WEIRD FACT: There were two Chester Cheetah games. America, for shame.

2. Cool Spot

Speaking of "extreme" mascots who wore shades all the time…I humbly present to you, Cool Spot. Probably one of the least imaginative mascots ever, Cool Spot was a red circle with arms and legs and, naturally, some sweet shades. He was only slightly more entertaining than Orlando Jones naively shouting "UP YOURS" to citrus pop-loving folk.

Shockingly, this game was pretty entertaining despite being about a red dot grabbing 7-Up soda bubbles on a beach. Still, I think we can all agree that a "Heads Up, 7-Up" game would have been roughly 100x better.

WEIRD FACT: 7-Up's motto at the time of the game was "Uncola" – which was Spanish for "We need to think of a new motto, Jerry."

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #8

July 13, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Me and a group from work were playing Halo 3 Death match together. While we're playing talking as normal, we suddenly hear a really loud whining noise cutting in and out. Suddenly we hear "MA! STOP VACUUMING THE RUG!!". He's 29.-John
"Man, you're laggin' like a filibuster."-Alex
While playing CoD4, I pointed out to a guy that he sounded exactly like Hank Hill from King of the Hill, and I mean exactly. He then spent the next several games going off about Propane and Propane accessories and yelling out things so dead on I almost died laughing. You could always tell when he got shot because he would start with "Damn it Peggy!" And then go off on a rant for several minutes that always ended up about Propane.-Stephen H.
I was once playing COD4 cage match against some 12 year old kid that kept declaring that he was going to 'destroy me' in the fight. Naturally, as a d-bag 10th prestige, I figured I would decimate this kid so I just let him talk. After I got 9 kills on this kid, he threw a random grenade and killed me and stated "Oh yeah, You don't mess with the best". And proceeded to say that until the end of the game. I then set my schedule around following that kid into matches shooting him in the face and then saying "Don't mess with the best."-Kerch
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Twas the Night Before Steam Sale

By Andrew Bridgman / December 18, 2013
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Filed Under   christmas   holidays   winter   steam sale