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Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #19

September 28, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

The funniest thing I ever heard on Xbox live was while playing a MW1 match. I got into this game with a bunch of kids who were 12-14, all in the same clan and had all top prestige. I ended up playing well and was destroying them. After the match, one kid, I guess the leader, called me out to 1v1 him in a match. Considering I was already late to go out, I said I couldn't and he starting calling me out and what not. I then replied, "I'll 1v1 your mom, and he replied "Good, my mom is actually good at this game." Then in the background you hear "Mom, some kid wants to 1v1 you," the entire lobby just burst out in laughter, and the kid left.-Troy
Some dude on Modern Warfare 2, talking to another kid"So what I'm saying is, my threesome was with a solid 7, then maybe a 2. Does that mean I got with a single 9 or?"Other kid: "No man, you average it. So really you got with like a 4.5."-Justin
From a ten or eleven year old, during a Gears of War match"You're a douche-bag. You're a bag full of douches."-Dave
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article 5 Reasons Why Katherine Dorselburg Is A Terrible Choice To Play Terrified Metropolis Citizen #3

By Andrew Bridgman / December 4, 2013

5 Reasons Why Katherine Dorselburg Is A Terrible Choice To Play Terrified Metropolis Citizen 3

Today, Zack Snyder announced he had finally cast the role of Terrified Metropolis Citizen #3 for his upcoming film, Batman vs. Superman - and the actress portraying her is none other than Katherine Dorselburg. Naturally, the fan community is in an uproar over whether or not Ms. Dorselburg is right for the crucial role. Frankly, we here at Dorkly think she's an awful, awful choice, and here's why.


1. Way Too Skinny

5 Reasons Why Katherine Dorselburg Is A Terrible Choice To Play Terrified Metropolis Citizen 3

Everyone knows Terrified Metropolis Citizen #3 is thin - but a lean, muscular thin, not the kind of bony thin that Katherine Dorselburg is and has been expected to be throughout her entire career in Hollywood up to this point and by society at large, which criticizes women for not looking dangerously underweight all the time. Plus, it's not like she can put on muscle through a training and diet regimen (the way all male actors in superhero and action films do) - since we've only seen her at one consistent body type, she definitely 100% is going to have that body type in playing her character, and it will be awful (because how she looks is obviously the most important factor in her portrayal).

Filed Under   movies   wonderwoman   dc   zack snyder

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Videogame Characters Made out of Bottle Caps

January 27, 2011

Filed Under   the weekly irl

Article Pwn Up: Doom 2: H-E-Double Hockey Sticks On Earth

By Andrew Bridgman / November 30, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Doom 2: HEDouble Hockey Sticks On Earth - Image 1
When I was around 2-3 years old, my mom became obsessed with playing Super Mario Bros. 3 and I would sit with her and watch her for hours. Apparently one day, while my mom's best friend was babysitting me, I was watching her son play Super Mario Bros 3. After a while, my babysitter heard me yell, "Oh look! It's the f*cking ship!" When she told my mom what had happened my mom was shocked – apparently my mother got so involved in that game she forgot to watch her mouth around her young daughter. She never played that game again – instead, we moved onto Super Mario World.-Jen

I was messaging a girl when she said she needed help getting through the Lost Woods in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I told her the right directions, from memory. I never even had to memorize that path, because I just listened to the music.-Ben

I was visiting a school with a friend earlier this month – we were just standing around when a kid walked up to me and pointed to my GameBoy shirt and said "You could've bought a real DS with the same money you used to buy that DS Shirt". I was offended on a couple levels, but it didn't hit me until much later that he thought a t-shirt cost the same amount as a portable system. That probably should have been the first reaction.-Connor

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #8

July 1, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet?Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Tattoo picture submitted by Marc.

I dislocated my kneecap and tore my meniscus playing MLB 2K9 on the Wii. When I told everyone how I got my injury, they mocked me, saying I broke my knee playing Wii baseball. It irked me that they didn't call it MLB 2K9 like I had said.-Frank

I was dating this girl for about two years in high school when she broke up with me. It was almost out of nowhere and she started dating some random guy she met a month before right after. Now at the time I had been playing Final Fantasy 9, and I had named the lead female character, Dagger, after her, Ashley. When we broke up, I used a re-name card and changed the name from Ashley to Slut and took her out of my main party. I'm almost embarrassed to admit how much better that made me feel. Almost.-Lilian

I took a week off work for the death of Batman.-Karl

I asked my boyfriend to marry me by getting down on one knee and putting a Nintendo Power Glove on his hand.-Suela

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: Now Slide-pad Compatible

By Kevin Corrigan / September 16, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

One time in High School, I was going to a class and humming a tune from a game. One of the bullies called me out on it. His friends then called him out for knowing what it was. We've been friends ever since.-Anonymous

I re-enact battles from the Yu-Gi-Oh TV show with Yu-Gi-Oh cards by myself.-Mos

I'm a huge WoW fan, and I've been trying to get in shape recently. When I go to the gym I listen to WoW podcasts. Sometimes people ask me what I'm listening to. I've gone through the trouble of changing all the titles and album art to classic rock and metal albums so I don't have to be ashamed.-Noah

I once got sun burned by sitting at my computer too long. It's next to a window.-Cory J

I spent three months playing FIFA '11s manager mode for the sole purpose of gathering a starting lineup of players with the following surnames (or as close as I could find): Hartnell, Troughton, Pertwee, Baker, Davison, McCoy, McGann, Eccleston, Tennant, and Smith. Team Doctor.-James

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Kidz Reviews: Call of Duty - Ghosts

By Chloe Cole / December 11, 2013

Kidz Reviews: Call of Duty Ghosts

Commonsense Media
 provides user reviews to help parents determine which games are appropriate for their children. Who better to write these user reviews than kids who have experienced firsthand the dangers of gaming? Below is a compilation of the best child reviews of "Call of Duty: Ghosts."

Best Child Reviews of Call of Duty: Ghosts

Might be a battlfld noobie, but you can tell he's an old soul.

Article My Date With Slippy Toad

March 23, 2011
  1. Sophie

    Thanks for meeting me here for our first date. I've enjoyed chatting with you online, and I feel really excited for tonight. And Le Boutique! Such a fancy restaurant!

  2. Slippy

    Wow, look at that… it's beautiful!

  3. Sophie

    What? Who? Oh! Oh, me? Well thank you! It was quite a task finding a nice outfit that would match my shoes and my earrings and… oh, will you listen to me prattle on. How are you?

  4. Slippy

    I'm fine, I'm fine! How's the Landmaster, Fox?

Filed Under   starfox   conversations

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #29

September 16, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I started playing Magic: the Gathering to quit smoking cigarettes. Every time I have the urge to buy cigarettes, I buy a booster pack instead. It's working.-Karl

My girlfriend and I's six month anniversary was the same day that Halo Reach came out. I acted progressively sicker leading up to it, so it'd be more believable when I told her I'd have to stay home on our anniversary.-Sam

I'm currently deciding between learning Klingon or Quenya (LOTR's elvish). I'll probably learn them both, but I can't decide which one to learn first.-Lenin

While working in the Home Depot garden department, a woman with a thick accent asked me where she could find squirrel killer. Her accent was so thick that I heard Squirtle killer. I sent her to electrical.-Zak

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn My Life: Staff Edition #2

September 2, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My first videogame device was a Game Boy my parents bought me for my birthday. The first time I turned it on, I played it every waking moment for three days straight, only taking breaks to swap out the batteries. I had to go to the eye doctor afterwards. -Owen Parsons

I once drew my own Digimon character, and all of its evolutions.-Caldwell Tanner

I still have a scar on my knee from the time I tried a move I saw Gambit do in the X-men Sega Genesis game. -Ben Joseph

My friends and I used to play the Yugioh card game in high school. We even had to hide it from my friend's little sister, and once she found out we made her swear never to tell anyone. So one summer I was up at my grandparents house in Cape Cod bored out of my mind and decided I could make a card of my own by scanning some of my other cards and MS Painting an awesomely, unbeatable mythical beast. I literally spent hours perfecting this badass 3-headed dragon with awesome attack, defense and effects, then printed it out and pasted it on a shittier card (Bubonic Vermin, DUH). When I got back home I attempted to bring it out on the field only to have my friends look it up online and declare it was illegal card that I bought online.-Jeff Rosenberg

Filed Under   pwn my life