(Page 104)

Article 4 Rejected Fitness Games

By Dave Hodgson / September 6, 2011

Filed Under   wii   kinect   fitness

Article Pwn Up: Achievement Unlocked

By Kevin Corrigan / October 21, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I was unemployed for a while. I realized that if I stopped working out, I could live off eating the rest of my protein powder, milk, vitamins and the occasional Ramen pack here and there. I did it for a month. I had to plan every meal calorically and remind myself that I wasn't going to die because on paper I was getting enough nutrition. The only thing that got me through it was pretending I was a space marine. I imagined I was in the future and all food is condensed and repacked into 20oz of fluid and three capsules.-Griffin

I gave all the contacts in my phone false names from comics, fantasy novels, memes, cult shows and videogames. Lately, most of my messages have been from Wolverine and the incredible Hulk.-Jen-Jen

When I first started dating my wife in college, I was really into Ultima Online. I wanted to introduce her to it so we could play together. She agreed to give it a shot. I was super excited. I bought her a subscription, gave her items, gave her a ton of gold and helped her gain experience. One day we were out adventuring and we kept getting griefed by a PKer. When we finally made it back to town she let loose. She told me how stupid she thought the game was and how it had no point. She took all the gold I gave her and threw it on the ground. It was about 250,000 pieces. Of course, someone was right there to steal it. Just like that half my gold was gone. I got so mad I started crying. We've been married 10 years now. She still makes fun of me for it.-Jess

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #20

August 12, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My girlfriend is pregnant. One day she found me looking through baby names on the computer. She got excited and said she was proud of me for being so mature. I was actually looking for a name for my Pokémon Silver character.-Marcus

Back in high school, I spent over 40 hours making a Vincent Valentine costume. I learned to sew specifically for that end. I went to school wearing it for Halloween, only to get mad at everyone for telling me they liked my "Freddy Krueger" costume.-Kevin

I mowed my lawn to the Persona 4 soundtrack today. There is no better feeling than finishing the lawn right when the seven-minute long final boss music (The Genesis) reaches the last few minutes and turns into the orchestral version of the regular battle music (Reach Out to the Truth).-Taquin (I have no idea what any of this means, but it sounds pretty damn nerdy -Kevin)

I've only cried two times in my life. Once at the end of Titanic when Jack dies, and once during the Pokemon episode where Ash releases Pikachu to live with a herd of Pikachus after seeing how happy he is with them.-Josh

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: Enter the Faketrix

By Andrew Bridgman / June 17, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up:
12 year old me was pretty ignorant about technology (I had never seen the internet at that point). So when I got "Enter the Matrix" on PS2, I thought the hacking feature – the one used to unlock cheats – was real. I had almost no idea what a hacker was and the menu seemed pretty legitimate to me at the time. I simply thought the game gave me the option to go into the game's coding and modify it so that I could bend it to my will. The thing is, I was afraid to try it out for fear of ruining the game forever and making the game a waste of valuable money. One day, I caught my little brother messing around with the feature and I panicked. I ran up to him, screaming for him to stop, and yanked the controller out of his hand. I turned off the system and told him all the way's I'd make him pay if the game was messed up. After discovering that nothing was wrong, I sat him down and explained how serious hacking the game was and why he shouldn't mess with that feature of the game. It wasn't until about 3 years later that I learned how stupid of me it was to believe this.-Mario

When I was very young (about 5 years old) and living in Argentina, my parents were determined that I learn English. O never really liked the language, so learning was very difficult. But when I was 8, I started eagerly studying English. I told my parents it was because it would help if I ever traveled to the United States.

But in reality it was because I got just gotten an N64 and a copy of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I got stuck before entering Hyrule Castle after the 1st dungeon, and I scouted the whole map trying to find the next thing to do.

At the time there were no internet walkthroughs or guides, and nobody here played N64. So I checked every sign in Hyrule and talked to every NPC I could find. Eventually I figured that if I learned English, I would be able to finish the game.

I did learn English and beat the game. I'm now a fluent speaker, all thanks to Link.-Agustin

My grandma always knew I loved to play videogames, and one day back around 2008 she told me to come over to her house because she bought something for me and my brother. I went over there not really knowing what to expect. When I got there she had a PS2 that she had bought so we could play games when we came over there to visit. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was well into the next console generation. After that I made a point of digging up my old PS2 games just to give myself a reason to go over and visit her.-Cole B.

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Street Fighter Characters of All-Time

By Staff / January 23, 2014

Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Street Fighter Characters of AllTime

Often held up as the single greatest fighting series of all-time (narrowly beating out the Shaq-Fu quadrilogy), Street Fighter is defined by its huge cast of unique characters. And to find out who was the greatest ones were, we held a toplist - and after 400,000 votes, we found them. Here they are - the 15 greatest Street Fighter characters of all-time.


15. Sakura

Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Street Fighter Characters of AllTime

Underage schoolgirls

Probably shouldn't be in

Worldwide Death Tourneys.


14. E. Honda

Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Street Fighter Characters of AllTime

Hangs out at bath house,

Gets into fights with strangers.

Nothing weird here, guys.


Filed Under   street fighter   toplists   results

Article Pwn Up: Woodrow Wilson, Mage Champion

By Andrew Bridgman / April 29, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Woodrow Wilson, Mage Champion - Image 2
Recently, I was taking a U.S. history final exam. One of the essays I had to write was on the U.S.'s role in WWI and the League of Nations. About 5 minutes before I turned my exam in, I realized that I had written League of Legends instead of League of Nations everywhere. I furiously erased as many of them as I could, and replaced them with League of Nations, but I missed one. My teacher was very confused and took a point off, citing that she had searched "League of Legends" on her computer and was disappointed that I had confused them.-Andrew S.

I met my girlfriend by playing Mass Effect 3 multiplayer. I trapped her in the reactor on the Reactor Hazard map (on purpose). She yelled out "YOU TRAPPED ME, YOU TEAM-KILLING F*CKTARD!" I realized the quote since it came from Red vs. Blue, and it was love at that moment. Turns out she lived in the same town as me, we met up and have been happily together ever since. I'd say we're about even on the number of team-kills against each other so far.-WM

I recently moved away from my best friend, who would always come over and have long gaming sessions together. He made the long drive over and after playing a lot of Resident Evil 6, we went to look at his grandfather's old house, which was empty and up for sale. After finding the back door open, we looked through the house – but every time I opened a door, my left trigger finger twitched, to get my gun ready for zombies.-Samuel

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Arkham Gymnasium

By Andrew Bridgman / December 7, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: - Image 1

A few years ago I was playing Arkham Asylum. Astounded by the physical feats that Batman performed, as well as how ripped he was, I vowed to get in the best shape I could so that I could be more like Batman (of course, I knew that getting as jacked as Batman was impossible, he was a fictional character in a video game, but I could at least try). I'm not going to lie to you, I was a pretty chubby guy at the time, but what started as huffing and puffing through a few push-ups and sit-ups during the loading screens turned into a full workout routine that I would force myself to do before playing video games. By the time Arkham City came out, I could bench press over two hundred pounds and was well on my way to having a six-pack, and could proudly play the videogame without becoming insecure. Hopefully by the time the next game comes out, I'll be a billionaire who hangs out in a cave and fights crime.-Jake

My baby is 5 months old, recently we got a TV in our bedroom. We don't have a CD player or anything to play lullabies So we usually put on baby Mozart with a blanket over the TV. One night we put the baby down to bed and we were tired beyond belief. We set the VHS on automatic repeat, not making sure we had the right tape. We woke up the next morning to the sounds of a light saber battle, and the music of John Williams. I couldn't believe my ears, I removed the blanket. And sure enough we had let the baby fall asleep to Star Wars. She smiles whenever she hears the main theme now.-Madison

I'm a huge Zelda fan, so my phone's alert sounds are always something Zelda related. For forever, my text message ringtone was the little fanfare that plays in every Zelda game when Link receives an item and proudly holds it above his head. So, this one time in college, I was fooling around with a guy and during, I received a text message and my phone was on loud. Right as his hand moved to my butt – "BA NA NA NAAAAAAAAAA!!" While hilarious, that sorta killed the mood, so we spent the rest of the night talking about Zelda.-Diana

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Donkey Kong and Pauline Move in Together

September 29, 2010
  1. DK

    If I throw one more barrel right now…

  2. Pauline

    I can't bear to watch!

  3. DK

    And. . . Got 'em! BAM. Game over.

  4. Pauline


  5. DK

    Well that's the end of Mario.

  6. Pauline

    I guess you're right. Time to move on. OK, so let's get out of this terrible place and go to your house.

  7. DK

    This is my house.

  8. Pauline


  9. DK

    You like it?

  10. Pauline

    You put flaming barrels of oil on the ground floor.

  11. DK

    It's called mood lighting.

  12. Pauline

    And I see you have really gone for the "red I-beam" construction look.

  13. DK

    I think it really opens the place up.

Filed Under   conversations   donkey kong

Article Pwn Up: Take a Chansey

By Andrew Bridgman / December 21, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Take a Chansey - Image 2
I work in retail. One day, at work, I was stocking the front checkout line with cheap items for people to splurge on. After I was done, I started walking away, when I heard Saria's Song. It wasn't loud by any means, but I could hear it over the crappy seasonal music. I had to know where it was coming from, so I followed it. The store I work at was pretty big, about the size of a small warehouse, so I spent some time following it. Was it in the software section? Was it in the components section? Was it in audio-visual? I finally walked into the computer section, and found the computer that was playing it, and the person who played it, just as the song ended. For two short minutes, I got to live The Lost Woods.-Cuyler

When I was little I always called people by their Pokemon counterparts. So whenever my smoker grandma came through the door I said, "A wild Weezing has appeared!"-John

I'm graduating from college soon, and the only thing I'm going to miss is not being able to get streetpasses on my 3DS as easily anymore. -Zach

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Don't Be An Ash-Hat

By Andrew Bridgman / August 19, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Videogames Are Fun
I was in Chicago visiting my sister at college and decided to wear my Ash Ketchum hat that I'd bought earlier because of how much I was into Pokemon. I was walking around the campus looking for the bathroom, and I found a girl who was probably a junior at the time and asked where the bathroom was. She told me and then asked if I was wearing a Pokemon hat. I said yes, and she said "my little brother LOVES Pokemon too." Then she asked how old I was. I said 14. She gave me a funny look and said "oh, my brother's 8" and walked away giggling. I never wore that hat again.-Tim

Two weeks ago, I went to China with my parents for vacation. When I was looking at a lot of different porcelain artifacts in the Temple of Heaven, all I could think about was how Guybrush Threepwood would be shuddering if he were there.-Rich

When me and my friend were playing a game we saw someone trip outside through my living room window. My friend said "that looked so stupid" and then I said "You should have seen it on my screen."

Then I realized what I said. I play too many games.-Shan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up