Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Arkham Gymnasium

By Andrew Bridgman / December 7, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: - Image 1

A few years ago I was playing Arkham Asylum. Astounded by the physical feats that Batman performed, as well as how ripped he was, I vowed to get in the best shape I could so that I could be more like Batman (of course, I knew that getting as jacked as Batman was impossible, he was a fictional character in a video game, but I could at least try). I'm not going to lie to you, I was a pretty chubby guy at the time, but what started as huffing and puffing through a few push-ups and sit-ups during the loading screens turned into a full workout routine that I would force myself to do before playing video games. By the time Arkham City came out, I could bench press over two hundred pounds and was well on my way to having a six-pack, and could proudly play the videogame without becoming insecure. Hopefully by the time the next game comes out, I'll be a billionaire who hangs out in a cave and fights crime.-Jake

My baby is 5 months old, recently we got a TV in our bedroom. We don't have a CD player or anything to play lullabies So we usually put on baby Mozart with a blanket over the TV. One night we put the baby down to bed and we were tired beyond belief. We set the VHS on automatic repeat, not making sure we had the right tape. We woke up the next morning to the sounds of a light saber battle, and the music of John Williams. I couldn't believe my ears, I removed the blanket. And sure enough we had let the baby fall asleep to Star Wars. She smiles whenever she hears the main theme now.-Madison

I'm a huge Zelda fan, so my phone's alert sounds are always something Zelda related. For forever, my text message ringtone was the little fanfare that plays in every Zelda game when Link receives an item and proudly holds it above his head. So, this one time in college, I was fooling around with a guy and during, I received a text message and my phone was on loud. Right as his hand moved to my butt – "BA NA NA NAAAAAAAAAA!!" While hilarious, that sorta killed the mood, so we spent the rest of the night talking about Zelda.-Diana

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Street Fighter Characters of All-Time

By Staff / January 23, 2014

Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Street Fighter Characters of AllTime

Often held up as the single greatest fighting series of all-time (narrowly beating out the Shaq-Fu quadrilogy), Street Fighter is defined by its huge cast of unique characters. And to find out who was the greatest ones were, we held a toplist - and after 400,000 votes, we found them. Here they are - the 15 greatest Street Fighter characters of all-time.

 

15. Sakura

Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Street Fighter Characters of AllTime

Underage schoolgirls

Probably shouldn't be in

Worldwide Death Tourneys.

 

14. E. Honda

Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Street Fighter Characters of AllTime

Hangs out at bath house,

Gets into fights with strangers.

Nothing weird here, guys.

 

Filed Under   street fighter   toplists   results

Article The Best Cosplays in C2E2 History (Part 1)

By Staff / March 22, 2014

The Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo (C2E2)  is upon us - the biggest entertainment convention in the Windy City means one thing: cosplay. C2E2 has been home to some of the best cosplays in recent history, and this year they'll be honoring the costumed geeks from across the country with the C2E2 Crown Championships of Cosplay, a competition awarding cash and prizes to the best cosplayers around.

Excited? You should be. Here's a taste of some of the best cosplay from years past....

 

The Most Appropriate Flash Cosplay Ever

The Best Cosplays in C2E2 History Part 1

via DeadlyDuckfart

 

Beach Bum Stormtrooper

The Best Cosplays in C2E2 History Part 1

via Chanh Tang

Filed Under   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article Donkey Kong and Pauline Move in Together

September 29, 2010
  1. DK

    If I throw one more barrel right now…

  2. Pauline

    I can't bear to watch!

  3. DK

    And. . . Got 'em! BAM. Game over.

  4. Pauline

    AHHHHH!

  5. DK

    Well that's the end of Mario.

  6. Pauline

    I guess you're right. Time to move on. OK, so let's get out of this terrible place and go to your house.

  7. DK

    This is my house.

  8. Pauline

    Really?

  9. DK

    You like it?

  10. Pauline

    You put flaming barrels of oil on the ground floor.

  11. DK

    It's called mood lighting.

  12. Pauline

    And I see you have really gone for the "red I-beam" construction look.

  13. DK

    I think it really opens the place up.

Filed Under   conversations   donkey kong

Article Pwn Up: Take a Chansey

By Andrew Bridgman / December 21, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Take a Chansey - Image 2
I work in retail. One day, at work, I was stocking the front checkout line with cheap items for people to splurge on. After I was done, I started walking away, when I heard Saria's Song. It wasn't loud by any means, but I could hear it over the crappy seasonal music. I had to know where it was coming from, so I followed it. The store I work at was pretty big, about the size of a small warehouse, so I spent some time following it. Was it in the software section? Was it in the components section? Was it in audio-visual? I finally walked into the computer section, and found the computer that was playing it, and the person who played it, just as the song ended. For two short minutes, I got to live The Lost Woods.-Cuyler

When I was little I always called people by their Pokemon counterparts. So whenever my smoker grandma came through the door I said, "A wild Weezing has appeared!"-John

I'm graduating from college soon, and the only thing I'm going to miss is not being able to get streetpasses on my 3DS as easily anymore. -Zach

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Don't Be An Ash-Hat

By Andrew Bridgman / August 19, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Videogames Are Fun
I was in Chicago visiting my sister at college and decided to wear my Ash Ketchum hat that I'd bought earlier because of how much I was into Pokemon. I was walking around the campus looking for the bathroom, and I found a girl who was probably a junior at the time and asked where the bathroom was. She told me and then asked if I was wearing a Pokemon hat. I said yes, and she said "my little brother LOVES Pokemon too." Then she asked how old I was. I said 14. She gave me a funny look and said "oh, my brother's 8" and walked away giggling. I never wore that hat again.-Tim

Two weeks ago, I went to China with my parents for vacation. When I was looking at a lot of different porcelain artifacts in the Temple of Heaven, all I could think about was how Guybrush Threepwood would be shuddering if he were there.-Rich

When me and my friend were playing a game we saw someone trip outside through my living room window. My friend said "that looked so stupid" and then I said "You should have seen it on my screen."

Then I realized what I said. I play too many games.-Shan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #22

August 19, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

It annoyed me that that Dan guy said "Megaball" instead of "Master Ball," and "MewToo" instead of "Mewtwo" in the last issue.-Everyone. Get over it.

A few years ago I decided to start playing Maplestory again, but my friend had taken my account and changed the password. When I contacted the GM's, they refused to give me my password so I wrote to them, "You won't give me my password. I'm so depressed that I cannot go on living. I'm going to kill myself." Never thought much of it, until three weeks later when the cops and an ambulance showed up at my door asking if I was alive or depressed. -Cory

Some guy in the 7-11 parking lot just yelled at me for looking at his girlfriend's chest. I wasn't. I was so upset that 7-11 was out of WWE Slurpee cups that checking out women was the least of my concerns.-Sean

My GF and I decided it would be good to take a step backwards and move out after living together for a while. After living apart for two and half months, we both decided it would be better if I moved back in. We tell people that we have learned how to appreciate one another by living apart. The real reason is that I don't have a computer that runs WoW, and her back up computer works great. She and I decided that living together would be better for our WoW characters.-Jan

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #9

July 20, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
Was playing MW2 when I heard a guy in the background of another games mic saying "Dude, hurry the f*ck up! Your wedding's in 30 mins. So about 25 mins later, I was curious and added his gamer tag, he accepted, and I joined his game. Apparently the wedding was delayed due to some weird claim, and he's now on a killing streak, with every kill he says, "with how many kills I make today is how many chicks I'm going to bang a month, since my bitch wife isn't going to game with me. One of the reasons I married her too."-Arv S.
While playing COD 4 there was this really annoying little kid who was really pissing everyone off. He began to talk about how he was going to rape everyone and their mothers. Everyone was trying to get the kid angry but nothing seemed to work. I then asked the kid if he even knew what rape was. The line was then silent for a few moments until the kid then said "SHUT UP I HATE YOU!' and then left the game. -Kris S.
After he found out I'm from South Africa, a British teenager asked mewhether District 9 was real.-Hadlee
During a game of Search and Destroy on MW2 I was cussed out by an angry 12 year old child. This was followed by the kid talking to his mom with his mike still on. "Mom! I don't want crust on my pb&j!"-Chris B.
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Gamebook: Raiden Tries to Rally The Troops

September 10, 2010
Filed Under   gamebook

Article How To Get Your Girlfriend To Play Video Games

May 11, 2010

1. Make the night about her-

Order in some food, cuddle up on the couch, hell, light a few candles. For this to work, she's going to need to think this night revolves around her pleasure. The key to success lies in how you introduce the idea. Say the wrong thing and you'll be shutting down before you even hit the power button. Try to speak her language. I suggest something along the lines of:

"I want to share my interests with you so that we can understand each other better." OR "My buddies want me to hang out with them but I'm feeling a little low tonight. Let's stay in and eat junk food and snuggle!"

2. A little booze never hurts-

Of course, I'm not promoting non-consensual gaming. However, a little social lubricant will help to get even the most reluctant girlfriend over her inhibitions and into whatever you two want to play. Just make sure she remembers the whole thing in the morning, else your sorry ass is back to level 1.

Filed Under   Video Game