Articles

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Article The Weekly IRL: Pokemon Snap Shots

By Staff / November 17, 2011


Filed Under   the weekly irl   pokemon

Article The Mushroom King

June 2, 2010
  1. Princess Peach runs into her father, The King's, arms.

  2. King

    Oh Peach, how I worried I would never see you again! My darling daughter is returned!

  3. Princess

    Father, I am home safe, rescued from the evil dragon Bowser by a brave hero. I wish to marry him, father.

  4. King

    Tell me of this man you wish to marry, daughter. Surely, he is a brave Knight of the Mushroom?

  5. Princess

    No father, he is not a Knight of the Mushroom…

  6. King

    Ah, so he is a warrior from the Order of the Fire Flower! Splendid! They served me well in…

  7. Princess

    No, father, he is not in the Order of the Fire Flower, either. He is not a warrior. He is a plumber, father.

  8. King

    A plumber, you say…well, in this land of pipes and drains, plumbers are needed and respected!

  9. Princess

    He is not from the Mushroom Kingdom, father. He is from a place called Brooklyn.

  10. King

    Brooklyn…Brooklyn…I cannot say I have heard of it. But surely plumbers in the Kingdom of Brooklyn are important, no?

  11. Princess

    I suppose. Important like garbagemen, say. Oh, and Brooklyn is not a kingdom. It's a working-class section of a larger city called New York.

  12. King

    OK…OK, well, tell me, daughter, how this plumber you wish to marry was able to deceive the evil Bowser and save you? He must have used all manner of trickery and out-smarted the beast! My daughter, betrothed to a genius!

  13. Princess

    He ran under Bowser and pulled an Axe lever.

  14. King

    Seriously?

Filed Under   conversation

Article Issue #11

July 5, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork at gmail!

When I was about 10, I wandered in on my brother playing Clock Tower for the Playstation. Despite the fact that I was terrified, I stayed and watch him play all the way up until the mansion, when he inevitably got bored and decided to do something else. Later that night, I was getting ready to go to bed, having finally forgotten about the game and the Scissorman, who would scare the crap out of me every time he was on screen. As soon as I switched on the light, my brother jumped up from under the covers brandishing a pair of scissors. I ran from the room screaming and crying. Everybody thought it was hysterical, my parents included. —Sam

When I first played through Kingdom Hearts, I had the tendency to go back to all the worlds and get all the trinities. This was because you need Goofy and Donald with you to do them, and I usually got rid of one of them so I could have the characters from the different planets on my team. When I played the Nightmare Before Christmas level, I played with Goofy and Jack on my team. There was a red trinity at the bottom of Oogie Boogie's castle that I planned on going back to do. After I defeated Oogie, he turns into his castle and you have to destroy it. I didn't know this before hand. The trinity is gone forever with Oogie's castle. This was the only thing preventing me from getting 100% completion.-Anonymous

When I was younger, my my older brothers got into fights all the time and were extreme video game nerds. My brother Timmy enjoyed playing Sim City above all other games and had finally created the perfectly functioning city. Then he decided to piss off one of my other brothers: Phillip. Phillip logged on to my brother's Sim City and created multiple natural disasters completely destroying the city. And then he saved it. Timmy still talks about Phillip doing this and how angry he still is about.-Anonymous

Article A Public Service Announcement From Dorkly

By Andrew Bridgman / November 6, 2012

A Public Service Announcement From Dorkly - Image 7

A Public Service Announcement From Dorkly - Image 7
Filed Under   halo   halo 4   psa   important announcements

Article Pwn Up: Grand Theft Spouse

By Andrew Bridgman / September 30, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

 

Pwn Up: Downtown HotBlooded Pwnio One time while playing Skyrim, I had no important quests to do, so I used the console commands to make my wife Ysolda a follower and took her out on a date night.  We went down to the Winking Skeever for dinner, where we talked about (what else) khajit and sleeping tree sap, how her store was doing, and how our daughter liked living in Solitude.  We danced to some of Lisette's songs and drank the night away.  Then we took a long midnight walk down by the water, and finally headed home for some Lover's Comfort.  Since then, every time I find a scenic spot during a quest, I remember to bring Ysolda there for a date afterwards, where we'll go for a quiet walk or just take in the scenery.

-Steve

 

I just bought a house with my wife and a few days later GTA V came out, I was so excited I went and picked it up on my way to work at 3AM. Once I got home to play it I couldn't put it down. My wife had planned a day for us to go move our remaining items at our old house and she left early so I could clean up our yard. Once I was done rather than leaving to go help at the old house (like I had planned and was told to do) I played GTA V.... for 3.5 hours. My wife wont talk to me right now.

-Phillip

 

I was at my girlfriend's parent's house for Thanksgiving, and I was set up to room with her younger brother. Late one night, I was up late playing The Force Unleashed, when I realize he's talking on the phone. He's been calling up people all night but it's pretty obvious this is a girl he's into. Out of politeness I pretend not to notice and keep playing. As he begins to engage in some kind of phone sex, I try turning up the volume but I don't want to wake up everyone with the sounds of explosions. As I get tired and sore from furiously ragdolling thousands of stormtroopers, I don't dare stop because then I'd have to face the reality of what's taking place under the blanket behind me. As the night drew on I realized how short the game actually was. I eventually overheard him saying into the phone that "there's so much of it" and when the game finally ended and I replayed the ending to get the alternate cutscene, I got the hell out of there to let him clean up.

Weirdest Thanksgiving ever.

-François

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Metal Gear Coward

By Andrew Bridgman / October 26, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: - Image 3
I was working at the 2012 New York Comic Con, passing out business cards, when a female Link strolled past me. Since I was handing out business cards, I yelled "IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE. TAKE THIS." She didn't understand the reference. I guess it's a secret to everybody…-Josh

I went skydiving last weekend. I wasn't nervous at all – instead, all I could think about was "I'm going to be like Naked Snake dropping into Soviet Russia." I only wish I could have landed towards a tree and do a landing on the knee, instead of in that field and the sloppy landing.-Henry

After about three months of going out with my girlfriend, I told my first lie of the relationship: I told her that the reason I hadn't phoned or texted for the past week was because I had left my phone in my locker and couldn't get to it. The truth was that Pokemon Black 2 had just come out and I didn't want anyone distracting me.-Sean

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: All in the Family

By Andrew Bridgman / October 12, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: All in the Family - Image 3
I've learned most of the skateboard tricks I know from carefully observing how characters move their legs in Tony Hawk games.-Law

For English class, we were told to re-write a chapter of a book and turn it in for extra credit. I chose Of Mice and Men, and re-wrote the entire thing using Team Fortress 2 characters. My teacher wouldn't accept it because I forgot to take their respective accents into account. I got zero points extra credit, because my teacher was a bigger nerd than me.-Mason

I recently graduated from law school, passed the bar and got a real job. Needless to say I don't have a lot of time to play video games right now. However, I always reserve a few hours on Sunday night to play Call of Duty with two of my uncles, two little cousins (their sons, respectively) and my dad, who is deploying to Afghanistan very soon. Video games are pretty much the only thing that brings my family together these days.-Jason

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: All the Time in the World

By Andrew Bridgman / February 25, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: All the Time in the World - Image 2
I've been playing Dead Space 3 the past couple of days but only at night and with the window open. The reason I do that is because it gets down to 30 degrees outside and I'm trying to simulate Tau Volantis.-Robert

I was recently given my 4 weeks notice that my employment contract will not be renewed. Despite having a wife, mortgage and a reasonable amount of credit card debt that will not react well to my pending state of joblessness, my first thought was "That's about when the new Starcraft comes out. Sweet, I'll have time to play." (If you're reading this, sweetheart, it's totally not me and I intend on having another job by then.)-Joshua

One day when I was walking to school, I heard a noise – it was just the 'screech' sound a truck makes when it stops, but the second I heard it, I looked up to try to find a dragon. The only thought I had after that was: 'I need to stop playing Skyrim.'-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Dorklassic: People Are Like Nintendo Games

August 9, 2010
Filed Under   people

Article This Is What's Been Going On in the Miiverse

By Staff / April 15, 2014

It's time for us all to accept the facts about Sonic, a fictional videogame character

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via Yaraalsaleem 

 

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF MERCY??

Terrible Miiverse Posts

via KamikazeKane719

Filed Under   wtf   wii u   miiverse