Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Animal Crunking

By Andrew Bridgman / May 13, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Future
Last night I drank a few too many beers with my neighbors. I didn't remember going to bed, but when I woke up, Animal Crossing: City Folk was playing on my TV. Apparently I'm an excellent fisherman when I'm drunk, as my entire inventory was full of Sea Basses. I'm just glad none of my neighbors moved out.-Justin

When I was 9, my mom took my brother and I down to the local bowling alley to play a few games. Once we got there, I noticed that they had a booster box of the original set of Pokemon cards sitting right behind the bar. To my surprise, there were only two packs left. I begged my mom to buy them for me. She finally did, and I was so happy that I might be able to own one of my favorite Pokemon at that time, Pikachu.

I opened my two packs, and was upset at the fact that there was not a single Pikachu card in there. However, I did open up a holographic first edition Charizard and Blastoise. I did not really care for those – so, just like most of my cards, I just put them away in my desk drawer and forgot about them.

Recently I got looking into them on eBay to see how much they were worth. I saw the price of Charizard, and I was astounded! The highest price I saw it going for was $700. I hated Charizard with a passion. And, when I was younger, I used that card specifically in the spokes of my bike.

I regret to this day that my quest for a Pikachu made me waste away a potential gold mine.-Phillip

Once I had a worksheet in Spanish class that had a crossword puzzle on it. One of the clues was "____ Vegas". Without even thinking about it, I put "New." It was later on when other words didn't work that I realized that the answer was "Las". Moral of this story – too much Fallout: New Vegas can mess with your mind.-Nathan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: You're Not the Big Boss of Me

By Andrew Bridgman / April 15, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up:  - Image 1
I'm practically blind in my left eye, and I've always wanted to do a cosplay that allows me to take advantage of that. A friend mentioned Naked Snake of Metal Gear fame, as he famously loses an eye and even wears an eye patch.

I got really excited, starting looking for fabric and patterns, stopped shaving, gathered a bunch of reference images… and died a little inside when I realized Snake loses his right eye, meaning the eye patch would be over my one good eye. Screw you, Kojima.-Sam

A few weeks ago I was in my English class, writing an essay. I got to a point where the best word to use was "Experience." Being a huge fan of RPGs, specifically Fire Emblem and Pokemon, I had no idea how to spell it and nearly didn't make it past the EXP.-Ben

My cousin had her first child a few years back. She's practically my sister and I am now the godmother of a beautiful boy. I recently went into town to visit her and my godson. He's the coolest three year old I know. He likes to quietly sit in my lap while I play video games, he doesn't get scared at monster movies, and his favorite toy is the pull-apart zombie doll I got him for Christmas. I managed to convince her to let me take him home with me for a week so I could spend some more time with him.

After his return home, I received a rather upset phone call from my cousin. She demanded to know why her son was now obsessed with zombies and and told his father that he would have to "shoot him in the head" if he ever turned. However, what she was most upset about was the embarrassment he caused her at my grandfather's funeral. He demanded to take his toy shotgun and while at the grave yard patted me on the leg and said, "Don't worry Skye-mama, I will protect you from the zombies." He continued to interrupt the service by shooting off the toy gun. When his mother took it away, he screamed at her, and wanted to know how she "expected him to be able to blow out zombie brains." I thought it was pretty cool.

Lo and behold. I am banned from babysitting for a while. -Skye

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Why They Cancelled America's Army

May 4, 2010

The US Army recently cancelled their free-to-play series of recruitment videogames. Here's why…

  1. An army briefing room. A four-star general enters with Herman, a pimply, greasy fifteen-year-old.

  2. General

    Men, meet Herman Wallace. He's topped the America's Army leadboard for the past five months, and we believe he is our best and brightest hope of winning this war.

  3. Herman

    Sup losers.

  4. The Middle East, a few weeks later…

  5. Marine Sargeant

    Commander Wallace! Insurgents have the compound surrounded. What are your orders?

  6. Herman

    OK, first thing, we need some health packs.

  7. Sargeant

    Sir?

  8. Herman

    Big white boxes with a red cross on them. Trust me, you do not want to get shot without one of those ready.

  9. Sargeant

    Sir, I'm not sure-

Filed Under   american army

Article Pwn Up: The Elder Pwns: Skyrim

By Kevin Corrigan / November 18, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

As it turns out, Wal-Mart did not have a midnight release for Skyrim.-Vash

I'm a Fedex driver. When I get packages with videogames in them I deliver them early.-radarorly

I was probably hit the hardest in my county by the freak East Coast snowstorm this October. A branch hit the power line outside my house, then some idiot hit it and dragged the line and my meter box through my front yard. I'm still without power due to the bureaucracy of installing a new meter box and getting it inspected. Needless to say, the release of Skyrim made the situation much more dire. Today I asked a neighbor if I could do laundry at their house. They said yes, and that they'd be out of the house for a few hours. In light of this, I dragged a 32 inch LED monitor and my desktop to their house. Hope they don't mind when they get home.-Styger

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Theory Time: How Did Sherlock Survive His Fall?

By Andrew Bridgman / December 3, 2013

Theory Time: How Did Sherlock Survive His Fall

In the 2nd season finale of the BBC's hit drama Sherlock, the title character seemingly plummeted to his death as his partner Watson looked on helplessly. The major cliffhanger that ended the episode, however, revealed that Sherlock somehow survived his apparent death - and unscathed, no less. But how did the world's greatest detective fake his own demise? Here are some theories...

Filed Under   TV   theories   sherlock

Article Rainbow Road

January 24, 2011
  1. Mario

    Alright, so we're racing karts.

  2. Luigi

    Woo!

  3. Mario

    I know just the place. It's this awesome rainbow road.

  4. Luigi

    Oh, psychedelic. And um, distracting?

  5. Mario

    The most distracting. It's also on a literal rainbow.

  6. Luigi

    Wait, like in the sky?

  7. Mario

    No, outer space. So I guess it's a figurative rainbow, now that you mention it. Huh.

  8. Luigi

    That sounds really dangerous.

Article 10 Nerdy Gingerbread Creations

By Chloe Cole / January 2, 2014

Optimus Prime

Nerdiest Gingerbread Creations

Already 100 times better than anything Michael Bay did with Transformers.

Filed Under   gingerbread

Article Pwn Up: Lose Yourself

By Jake Young / January 20, 2014

After last week's edition (the Pulitzer award winning "Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph") we asked our readers to share stories about moments when victory evaded their grasp. You guys did not disappoint with your disappointments and we're going to share some of the best ones. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail

 

Pwn Up: Lose Yourself

 

This summer me and my sister were staying at my cousin's for the night since we both had a lot of free time on our hands. Me and my cousin ended up playing endless hours of Pokemon Emerald and ranting about it the whole day while my bored sibling just watched us since she wasn't into Pokemon.

Sometime after midnight we turned my cousin's room into a battle arena while role playing as our favorite Pocket Monsters; I was Pikachu and she was Lillipup. So basically imagine the two of us screaming random Pokemon moves accompanying it with singing the battle theme song in our pajamas ,running around the room like maniacs. The worst part was we were both pant-less. We had a blast goofing around with each other performing every single move available, but the horrifying truth was that we were completely unaware my sister was sitting in a corner and filming the entire process.

Months passed and we forgot about that until a few weeks ago my sibling did the most embarrassing thing to me after an argument we had; I witnessed her show the video (which my soul was completely unaware of) to the entire household because she wanted to get back to me! I ran to my room feeling heavily defeated when I heard the family blast in a laugh while she showed it to my parents . Now I also know if I ever dare make her too angry or do something similar again, she'll put the video on the internet.

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/2/images/cleardot.gif-Gisoo

Filed Under   pwn my life   pokemon   pwn up   chao

Article Pwn Up: Paragon With the Wind

By Andrew Bridgman / March 25, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Hey, Does Anyone Pay Attention To the URLs - Image 2
A couple weeks ago, I was replaying the Mass Effect trilogy for the last few achievements I needed. I was about halfway through Mass Effect 3 when I had some real life stuff to do. As I was leaving my apartment, I saw the elderly maintenance man struggling to get a ladder over the fence around the pool area. I could have sworn my vision blurred for a second and my left index finger twitched a little. For those who don't know, that's how you do a Paragon action in Mass Effects 2 & 3, and I went over and helped him get the ladder over the fence.-Steven

Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening has always been one of my favorite games, and it actually was the game that got me not only hooked on videogames. Anyway, for Christmas this past year, my girlfriend knew how much I liked the series and used ideas from the game to send me on my own "Secret Seashell Quest." I walked all around her apartment and even needed to go outside by getting clues from each shell I found, and (since she kinda knew the idea but not entirely) every 5 shells I found there was an extra little gift. In the end I received a Master Sword replica and she put the shells together in a case with the Hylian Crest for me to hang up.-Tim

Pwn Up: Hey, Does Anyone Pay Attention To the URLs - Image 1

I've been going to yoga classes at my gym for a few months now and every class begins with a theme to keep in mind throughout the session. Our instructor began with "Does anyone know the true definition of insanity" Instantly, I thought 'Far Cry 3', after glancing around the room for a second or two, I raised my hand and answered "Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result". They said it was an Einstein quote, so I'm glad they didn't ask where I knew it from.-Andrew

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Weekly IRL: Pokemon Snap Shots

By Staff / November 17, 2011


Filed Under   the weekly irl   pokemon