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Article 10 Nerd Dreams That Will Never Come True

By Andrew Bridgman / April 13, 2012

10) Star Wars Post-Quels (Episodes 7/8/9)

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This has long been a big dream for nerds, even if the prospect has faded considerably as of late: a new trilogy of films that would pick up where Return of the Jedi left off: the Empire has fallen, the New Republic has risen from the ashes, and Luke is about to restore the Jedi Order. The exciting thing about actual sequels (as opposed to the prequels) is that we wouldn't already know what happens (unless they used the many post-original trilogy books as inspiration, which they probably wouldn't). The reasons this dream is dead are:

  • No one wants to see George Lucas create three more mildly underwhelming (I'm trying to keep it civil, okay?) Star Wars entries.
  • George Lucas did not like the reception the prequels got, and has been quoted as saying he was done making Star Wars movies because he didn't want to go through that again.
  • George Lucas is not going to let anyone but him create canonical, live action films. For a while, it looked like Spielberg might direct one of the prequels - George squashed the idea quickly, refusing to let one of the best directors of our generation and his good friend even touch the series.

So maybe it's a blessing in disguise: we don't have to watch the internet get crazily worked up over new Star Wars films that would never live up to expectations no matter how good they were and we can always let "what happens next?" live in our imagination, which is probably better than whatever the reality would be. Plus, can you imagine Harrison Ford as a cranky, elderly Han Solo? I don't think anyone wants to see that. Then again, Mark Hamill could probably use the work.

UPDATE: We were wrong. We were so wrong.

Filed Under   nerds   star wars   pokemon   lists   doctor who

Article 8 Things From Videogames We Wish Existed In Real Life

By Jon Wolf / June 13, 2012

1. No Traffic

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The best thing about open-world driving games (think Burnout Paradise) is not the turbo, nor the ability to walk away from a horrible-yet-badass crash: It's the fact that there are barely any cars on the road. Sure, there might be some other vehicles, and in some games there are actually working stoplights, but it's hard to imagine a game where there is bumper-to-bumper traffic trying to get off the highway.

And with good reason. Traffic is miserable. If human motorists drove like their NPC counterparts – calmly, methodically, programmed to drive at the same pace and leave a safe following distance between cars, not only would road rage decline, but so would the majority of traffic collisions. Except for ones caused by turbo strips, of course.

Filed Under   irl   lists

Article 7 Reasons it Sucks Living in an RPG World

By Andy Grossman / March 20, 2012
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Role-playing games, be they Japanese or fun, are designed to present a captivating world for your characters to explore. Whether they be frozen fantasy landscapes, lush magic jungles, or neon space futures, good RPG worlds can make you want to leave your dreary 9-5s behind and fight an evil empire or encroaching alien menace. Unfortunately, that's the only good part about living in a role-playing world. Everything else is terrible.

7. Heroes Steal From You

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As a meager dirt farmer, you have spent years scraping to buy medicine for your sick wife. Sure, it meant living in a one-room house without a bathroom, but it's worth it for her. And who knows? Word has it the Chosen One is passing through town. Seeing him could boost your wife's spirits! In fact, here he comes now!

"Hello, Chosen One! Welcome to our village!" you say before he smashes your pots and chests, stealing all your medicine and the only three gold pieces keeping you from homelessness. He has thousands of gold pieces, and powerful medicine he'll never even use during the final battle because it's too valuable, but he takes your goods anyway.

6. Shops Don't Sell Anything You Want

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Happy Birthday! You get a gun-sword and a bag of potato seeds! What? You wanted a new watch? Too bad! Your village shop only sells pain killers, pain makers, and onions. Even though you've lived in your town your whole life, the sales folks only market their goods to strangers passing through for 15 minutes. If you've got a few hundred gold pieces, maybe you could buy some shields and use them as cereal bowls. Except there's no cereal or spoons either.

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Article The Dorklyst: The 7 Most Flawed Relationships in Videogame History

By Lev Novak / June 30, 2011

7. Mario and Peach

The Relationship: Alright, if you're on this site, you know this one. If you somehow don't, just google it- wait, actually, don't google it. You may find some…things.

The Problems: It's not a class issue: even Luigi managed to score a princess in the Mushroom Kingdom and, come on, he's Luigi here. No, the problem is that Princess Peach and Bowser are clearly doing the warp-pipe shuffle behind Mario's mustachioed back.

I'll give you a minute.

But Lev, you're saying, calling my name out to the computer with a plaintive wail of disbelief. "There are eight koopa kids, each with their own castle, plus Baby Bowser. How could Bowser and Peach crank that many out while she was captured?" Well, reader, maybe they didn't. Maybe the princess got peached while they were all together playing tennis. Or baseball. Or soccer. They have a lot of opportunities. And if Bowser really isn't hitting that, why is he so eager to spend summer recreation around his general enemies?

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Article Where Skyrim Bugs Come From

By Owen Parsons / January 6, 2012

Filed Under   glitches   bug   skyrim

Article The Dorklyst: The 10 Weirdest Evolutions in Pokémon

By Andrew Bridgman / April 19, 2013
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The entire concept of having animals evolve into insanely-powerful beast monsters by beating the crap out of others in battle (or by being exposed to stones, being traded, etc.) is pretty ridiculous in and of itself. But it's not too difficult suspending your disbelief when the end result is a fire-breathing dragon who remains loyal to you (despite the fact you're forcing it to fight a bird who shoots lightning). But there are some specific evolutions that are extremely weird, even in the already-weird field of Pokemon evolutions. These are the 10 weirdest evolutions in Pokemon.

10. Cubone into Marowak

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Cubone's life kinda sucks – he's so upset at the death of his mother (remember, this is an entire species of Pokemon, meaning they all are bereaved over the deaths of each of their individual mothers), that he literally wears her skull, which may not be the most emotionally-healthy coping tactic. Then again, in some deeply, deeply messed up way, his mother is still protecting poor little Cubone – since her skull now acts as his helmet. It's definitely indicative of some kind of creepy Norman Bates/Mother relationship, but it's mostly harmless.

Where it gets weird is when Cubone evolves into Marowak. Essentially, Marowak's just a bigger Cubone, which isn't all that weird. What is weird is that Marowak is defined by having gotten over the death of its mother (remember: AS A SPECIES, Marowaks have ALL gotten over the deaths of their individual mothers), but still wears a skull on its head. But it's specifically NOT its mother's! Meaning…Marowak found some random dead Pokemon's bigger skull and is wearing that now? Something tells me Marowak hasn't quite reached the closure it claims to have.

Filed Under   pokemon   the dorklyst   dorklyst

Article IRL RPG: Asking Someone Out

December 10, 2010


Filed Under   RPG   irl   irl rpg

Article The 10 Greatest Legend of Zelda Games In History

By Andrew Bridgman / May 17, 2013
The 10 Greatest Legend of Zelda Games In History

The Legend of Zelda is one of the greatest series in videogame history, with nearly every game being a classic in its own right. So, mostly just to get the internet really upset about something, we asked you to vote for your favorite Zelda game of all time. And after nearly 200,000 votes (you can see the full results here), you (well, a bunch of people who voted, which may or may not include you) have decided the top 10 games in the Legend of Zelda series, which has done pretty well for a series starring a kid who never speaks and doesn't even have his name in the title. So take a break from trying to figure out how the new Link to the Past game will affect the Zelda Timeline and read about the top 10 Zelda games of all-time.

10. The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

The 10 Best Legend of Zelda Games In History

Somewhat narrowly beating out the Oracle games (also developed by Capcom), comes the Honey, I Shrunk the Link entry of the Zelda series, The Minish Cap. The basic twist of the game was Link could put on a hat that turned him into an ant-sized hero as he went around searching for medallion halves and doing somersaults as he rolled around Hyrule.

The game is notable for being the first entirely new Zelda game produced for the Game Boy Advance, and one of the few Zelda games to be developed by someone other than Nintendo. Other than that, The Minish Cap is mostly just a colorful and well-made entry in the Zelda series with some solid puzzle-solving, although a Rick Moranis cameo would have been totally welcome.

Filed Under   zelda   link   toplist

Article 25 More Incredible Pokemon Fusions

By Chloe Cole / October 18, 2013

Here's the problem with playing any Pokemon game: there are too many cool Pokemon that you want to include on your team at any given time, but you're limited to 6 individual creatures. But the good folks at Pokemon Fusion had a solution: just fuse your Pokemon together! Catching 'em all would be a lot easier this way. We showed you 25 incredible examples of the fan art the internet produced based on this concept earlier, now here's 25 more.


More Pokemon Fusion Fan Art

Filed Under   pokemon   internerd   pokemon fusion

Article The Dorklyst: The 9 Weirdest Celebrity Appearances In Videogame History

By Andrew Bridgman / October 5, 2012

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Some videogames just need a little something extra to bring them from good to great – celebrities! It worked on Entourage (which brought it from "ugh" to "Hey, Michael Phelps!"), why wouldn't it work in videogames? Sure, real life celebrities appearing as virtual versions of themselves in weird, not at all appropriate scenarios is really distracting and usually actively hurts the game, but everyone knows star power is what gamers really want, along with expensive DLC and escort missions (we'll check on these facts later). These are the 9 weirdest celebrity appearances in videogame history.

9. Justin Bieber (NBA 2K13)

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The fact that's there's a "celebrity" team in NBA 2K13 isn't all that odd – there were presidents and celebs playing basketball as far back in NBA Jam. But, really, the lineup includes Pauly D from the Jersey Shore, Kevin from The Office, Leon from Curb Your Enthusiasm, and – most egregiously – Justin Bieber. Really, Justin Bieber's inclusion alone isn't enough to set him apart or make him notable in any way – but in the game the 5'7" tall tween singer has shot up to 6'4" and has stats that would make fantasy basketball fans weak at the knees. Maybe he does have some real basketball skills, but when a guy can't make it through a lip synch without vomiting, that doesn't seem too likely.

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