Articles

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Article 10 More of the Most Miserable Creatures in the Pokemon World

By Andrew Bridgman / August 29, 2013

There is really no excuse for any Pokemon to not be constantly miserable: their lives are essentially a worse version of the life of a cockfight chicken, because at least there the chicken has a pretty good chance of dying, whereas the Pokemon will just get burned, paralyzed, poisoned, etc. and then healed right back up. Worse, society views treating them like this in a positive light – and somehow most of their economy is built entirely around Pokemon tearing each other to shreds. But in this nightmare world, there are some Pokemon that are way more miserable than the rest. We covered the first batch previously, and here are 10 more.

10. Whismur

"Whismur is very timid. If it starts to cry loudly, it becomes startled by its own crying and cries even harder. When it finally stops crying, the Pokémon goes to sleep, all tired out." (Sapphire)

What would make you start crying if you were a Pokemon? If I were a Pokemon, it would probably be something like "my entire existence." If you're not wandering through the grass or in a cave or in the water waiting to attack literally any person who walks by, you're a slave-fighter for someone who is using you for financial and personal gain. That would have me crying a lot. And if I were Whismur, my crying would escalate and escalate, putting me in a state of sadness and terror, until I literally pass out from exhaustion. Realizing that would happen every day for the rest of my life? That would also make me cry.

Filed Under   pokemon   miserable

Article 3 Crazy Movie Fan Theories That Just Might Be Right

By Andrew Bridgman / March 20, 2014

1. Was Andy's Mom Jessie's Original Owner?

theories

via Jon Negroni

Remember when Andy would play with Woody and dress up sorta like a cowboy himself? (Andy was a huge Deadwood fan) You probably remember that - what you may not remember is that his hat doesn't really look like Woody's at all. However, it does resemble someone's hat: Jessie's.

theories

Filed Under   toy story   game of thrones

Article 15 More Things You'll Never Hear Gamers Say

By Andrew Bridgman / May 10, 2013

Filed Under   zelda   gamers   xbox   pokemon

Article A Brief History of Sonic Redesigns

By Staff / February 6, 2014

1991

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2001

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2014

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2018

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Filed Under   sonic

Article Quiz: Which Character From Star Wars Are You?

By Andrew Bridgman / March 24, 2014
Quiz: Which Character From Star Wars Are You

Filed Under   star wars   quiz

Article 10 Delightfully Creative Restaurant Tips

By Staff / April 9, 2014

  

Sean Bean leaves the best tips (since he knows he's about to die at any moment)

Creative Tips

via jaimeeallonsy

 

Memes leaking into real life is acceptable as long as there's money involved

Creative Tips

via rkeyes47

Filed Under   money   tips

Article The Conversation That Created The (Rebooted) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

By Andrew Bridgman / March 28, 2014

 

"Heroes are not born - they're created."

-William Fichtner (the guy from Prison Break)

 

  1. Scientist

    Uh, sir?

  2. William Fichtner (from Prison Break)

    Johnson, stop asking questions - get back to making those heroes!

  3. Scientist

    Yeah, about that...you SURE these are the heroes you wanna create?

  4. William Fichtner (from Prison Break)

    Uh, YEAH. Crime is running rampant and Megan Fox is the city's top journalist. Things are bad and we need laboratory-created heroes ASAP.

  5. Scientist

    Well, if we're MAKING heroes, couldn't we make...something else? Like, pretty much anything else other than THIS.

 

tmnt

Article Weird Sexual Innuendos In Zelda Games

By Andrew Bridgman / March 12, 2014

Weird Sexual Innuendo In Zelda Games

via Kanji Games 

Filed Under   sex   zelda   wtf   innuendo

Article Satoru Iwata Explains the Nintendo 2DS

By Andrew Bridgman / August 30, 2013

Filed Under   nintendo   3ds   satoru iwata   2ds

Article How Space Jam 2 Was Pitched

By Andrew Bridgman / February 22, 2014

  How Space Jam 2 Was Pitched

  1. Executive #1

    Dammit! We need a new hit blockbuster right away! Get me the greatest development guy in the business!

  2. Executive #2

    Uh, okay, but who exactly is tha-

  3. (11 Year Old Me enters, looking cool as hell with his frosted tips and his AND1 t-shirt)
  4. Executive #1

    11 Year Old Andrew! What movie should we make?

  5. 11 Year Old Me

    THERE SHOULD TOTALLY BE A SEQUEL TO SPACE JAM!

  6. (11 Year Old Me throws down his best Pog slammer in celebration)

Filed Under   conversations   space jam   space jam 2