Articles

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Article People Making Some Pretty Intense Threats If They Don't Get a Next Gen Console For Christmas

By Andrew Bridgman / December 25, 2013
People Making Some Pretty Intense Threats If They Dont Get a Next Gen Console For Christmas

Filed Under   consoles   twitter   ps4   xbox one

Article Pwn Up: Don't Be An Ash-Hat

By Andrew Bridgman / August 19, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Videogames Are Fun
I was in Chicago visiting my sister at college and decided to wear my Ash Ketchum hat that I'd bought earlier because of how much I was into Pokemon. I was walking around the campus looking for the bathroom, and I found a girl who was probably a junior at the time and asked where the bathroom was. She told me and then asked if I was wearing a Pokemon hat. I said yes, and she said "my little brother LOVES Pokemon too." Then she asked how old I was. I said 14. She gave me a funny look and said "oh, my brother's 8" and walked away giggling. I never wore that hat again.-Tim

Two weeks ago, I went to China with my parents for vacation. When I was looking at a lot of different porcelain artifacts in the Temple of Heaven, all I could think about was how Guybrush Threepwood would be shuddering if he were there.-Rich

When me and my friend were playing a game we saw someone trip outside through my living room window. My friend said "that looked so stupid" and then I said "You should have seen it on my screen."

Then I realized what I said. I play too many games.-Shan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Dorklyst: The 8 Worst Videogame Raps in Marketing History

By Andrew Bridgman / April 26, 2013

Since the beginning of videogames, one thing has been clear: marketing executives have no idea what the appropriate time would be to use rap in commercials and advertisements. Or how rap should sound. Or what it should be about. But "having no idea what we're doing" has never stopped an executive, so terrible/awkward raps became one of the cornerstones of the videogame ad industry. These are the 8 worst raps in videogame marketing history.

8. Supersonic Controller

The Supersonic Controller had a lot of hurdles this commercial tried (and failed) to leap: selling a wireless controller when the technology wasn't good enough to make that work, selling a controller shaped like a triangle (great shape for pizza, terrible shape for a controller), and convincing you it would work for the Nintendo – even though it was a third-party non-Nintendo-approved hunk of plastic that would embarrass MadCatz.

And what better way to stumble through this all than with a family-friendly rap (thus defeating the main appeal of rap in the 80's)? The problem is (besides being awful) that the rap can't even muster up the self-confidence to sell itself. They actually include the line "It will do." It's essentially saying that it gets the job done, but "Meh, It Works, Sorta" isn't exactly the ringing endorsement they thought it was.

Filed Under   rap   the dorklyst   dorklyst

Article If Chicago Sports Teams Had 'Game of Thrones' House Sigils

By Staff / March 22, 2014
If Chicago Sports Teams Had Game of Thrones House Sigils

Filed Under   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article Pwn Up: Animal Crunking

By Andrew Bridgman / May 13, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Future
Last night I drank a few too many beers with my neighbors. I didn't remember going to bed, but when I woke up, Animal Crossing: City Folk was playing on my TV. Apparently I'm an excellent fisherman when I'm drunk, as my entire inventory was full of Sea Basses. I'm just glad none of my neighbors moved out.-Justin

When I was 9, my mom took my brother and I down to the local bowling alley to play a few games. Once we got there, I noticed that they had a booster box of the original set of Pokemon cards sitting right behind the bar. To my surprise, there were only two packs left. I begged my mom to buy them for me. She finally did, and I was so happy that I might be able to own one of my favorite Pokemon at that time, Pikachu.

I opened my two packs, and was upset at the fact that there was not a single Pikachu card in there. However, I did open up a holographic first edition Charizard and Blastoise. I did not really care for those – so, just like most of my cards, I just put them away in my desk drawer and forgot about them.

Recently I got looking into them on eBay to see how much they were worth. I saw the price of Charizard, and I was astounded! The highest price I saw it going for was $700. I hated Charizard with a passion. And, when I was younger, I used that card specifically in the spokes of my bike.

I regret to this day that my quest for a Pikachu made me waste away a potential gold mine.-Phillip

Once I had a worksheet in Spanish class that had a crossword puzzle on it. One of the clues was "____ Vegas". Without even thinking about it, I put "New." It was later on when other words didn't work that I realized that the answer was "Las". Moral of this story – too much Fallout: New Vegas can mess with your mind.-Nathan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Toplist Results: The 25 Most Anticipated Games of 2014

By Staff / January 9, 2014
Toplist Results: The 25 Most Anticipated Games of 2014

Filed Under   results   2014

Article 'Batman vs. Superman' vs. 'Captain America 3'

By Andrew Bridgman / April 8, 2014

  Captain America 3 Talks To Batman vs Superman

As of right now, both Batman vs. Superman and Captain America 3 are due to be released on May 6, 2016. That's right - two of the biggest superhero movies ever, both planned for the same day. Marvel originally claimed this date for an unnamed movie - so DC planned their huge crossover film for the same day, expecting Marvel to blink. But with the success of The Winter Soldier, Marvel went ahead and announced that Captain America 3 would indeed be released then.

  1. Batman vs. Superman

    Ooo...awkward. This is our date - sorry Captain America 3.

  2. Capt. America 3

    No way, Batfleck vs. Hopeman, Marvel was savin' this spot for me.

  3. Batman vs. Superman

    Well, uh, technically they were just saving it for "Untitled Marvel Film." That doesn't really count.

  4. Capt. America 3

    Sure it does - now make way for Captain America 3: I'm a Better Superman Than Henry Cavill's City-Wrecking Saiyan

  5. Batman vs. Superman

    You're not really calling yourself that, are you?

  6. Capt. America 3

    Psh, who knows? Haven't even started writing the damn thing.

  7. Batman vs. Superman

    Yeah, that's sorta the thing - number 2 JUST came out - don't you think it's a little early to call a spot for the third one?

  8. Capt. America 3

    That's how Captain America 3 rolls, son. Pre-emptive strike up in this house!

  9. Batman vs. Superman

    But don't you know how much money you'll lose?

  10. Capt. America 3

    Are you kidding me? Have you seen the box office numbers? We got more green on us than the Hulk's dick.

Article The Dorklyst: The 8 Most Bizarre Celebrity Videogame Pitchmen

By Hudson Hongo / September 10, 2013

When deciding how to spend your hard-earned gaming dollar, a celebrity endorsement is about as convincing as a YouTube comment reading "SONIC RULEZ." Nevertheless, game publishers have used famous faces to sell their products for years. Of course, few of these stars have any actual connection to videogames, leading to Nintendo Hard mindf*cks like "Would I enjoy the same paddle-based arcade action as Don Knotts?" In honor of deputy Fife and other questionably chosen game reps, here are some of the strangest people to ever pimp a PlayStation, Atari, and any other thing Aretha Franklin probably has zero interest in.

8. Don Knotts for Atari Breakout

Even after repeat viewings, it's basically impossible to follow the thought process behind this 1978 commercial. "Okay, so for Home Run we'll have Pete Rose and for Air Sea Battle we'll use, um, Pelé, and for Breakout…screw it, Don Knotts, I guess?" Admittedly, Breakout doesn't have a lot in the story department other than "smash the bricks with your ball," but they still could have found a more convincing jailbird than The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Or, if they were going the comedy route, someone who's Atari-directed threats came across as just a bit less murder-y.

Filed Under   the dorklyst   commercials

Article Start Your Day Out Right With Some Awesome Nerdy Pancakes

By Staff / March 18, 2014

What's the only thing better than pancakes in the morning? Intricately-designed nerdy pancakes that look so incredible they almost make you feel bad for wanting to eat them. Almost.

Some Awesome Nerdy Pancakes

Filed Under   food   breakfast   pancakes

Article Pwn Up: An Educational Pwn Up

By Andrew Bridgman / September 23, 2013
Every now and then, we get a such big and thorough entry submitted to us, that we have absolutely no choice but to run it as its own very special edition of Pwn Up. This is one of those times.
 
Pwn Up: An Educational Pwn Up
 
I'm a 29 year old whose currently working on his Masters degree in Education. One of my classes happens to be called "Assessment in Education." Basically every other week we have to make up an assessment based on the different styles of teaching and learning (yes, there's 3. There's Cognitive, Psychomotor and Affective). Anyway last week I had to do an assignment where you have to come up with a scoring rubric for a psychomotor activity within your content, but if you couldn't think of anything you could do a rubric on something within your interest. In case your wondering, a psychomotor activity is an activity where the students have to physically perform an act. This could be baking a cake, putting a small engine together or basically anything where they have to perform steps to complete the task. My problem is my content is social studies and most class format involves lectures and discussion. There's not too many activities where you have the students perform steps to complete tasks. Luckily, as I stated the professor said we could do something within our interest, and being a huge dork, I play a lot of video games on my free time. So with that, I came up with a scoring rubric on hooking up the original 8-bit NES to a television. The rubric had steps such as hooking up the RF adapter to the NES/TV, setting the NES to either channel 3 or 4 and finally putting the game in the system and having it up in running. I wasn't sure she'd accept it, but when I got the paper back I received a 100 on the assignment. Now that's thinking outside the box.

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up