Articles

(Page 29)

Article Pwn Up: Legen - (Wait For Seven Years) - Dary!

By Andrew Bridgman / December 2, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

 

Pwn Up:

When we were young with a friend we used to play "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" we knew we had to travel in time because we had seen Adult Link's footage, but we didn't know how to do it.

So, since we had already acquired Sun's Song (the one that makes you go forward half a day) we thought that we had to play it 5110 times (seven years). After a couple hours playing the same song over and over we stopped.
 
-Hendrys
 
 
Pwn Up:
 

When I was about 15 or 16 my parents went out of town and left my brother and me at home alone. We didn't throw a party or anything but decided to smoke weed. At this point I had only smoked twice and didn't get too high. However, this time I got absolutely blazed. My brother sat down and blasted a new rap cd while I played Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance. I played for what seemed like an hour, completely dominating the cp opponents. I only realized when I turned the Xbox off that the first player controller was never even plugged in (but the second port controller was). I think I was watching the demo video the whole time but I'm still not really sure.

-Tim

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Great Job, Steam Taggers!

By Andrew Bridgman / February 14, 2014

Recently, Steam introduced a tagging system to its platform - allowing users to add tags to games in order to better categorize their vast library of selections. Naturally, users have already gone hog-wild into abusing and trolling the system. Great job, Steam taggers!

 

Barbie Dreamhouse Party

A post-apocalyptic horror masterpiece that's HUGE in the competitive Major League Gaming scene.

Great Job, Steam Taggers

Filed Under   wtf   steam   internerd   tags

Article 10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

By Mark Hill / April 4, 2014

10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

It's no surprise that a franchise as popular as Game of Thrones (or A Song of Ice and Fire, if you're part of the superior book reading breed) has generated its fair share of fanfiction. What may surprise you is just how... creative some fans are. Amidst the countless stories where Daenerys flies her dragons to Westeros, kills all the bad guys and has awesome sex with Robb Stark are tales that will make you question if you were even watching the same TV show as the writer. So if you need some new reading material and don't like having a firm grasp on your sanity, check out... 

 

1. The Bodyguard

 10 Insane Game of Thrones Fanfics

via sashaudinov

"So when that little prick had ordered him to take care of another person that night, Sandor had been furious...

...Because Joffrey had sent him to take care of a singer."

 

Sansa Stark and Sandor Clegane are a common fanfic pairing, because there's nothing more beautiful than the love between a young teenage girl and a violent, alcoholic, emotionally (and physically!) scarred sociopath. The Bodyguard takes their love a ridiculous step further by moving the characters to a modern setting, where Sansa is a pop star and Oscar nominee who's engaged to be married to presidential candidate Joffrey, in what has to be the worst democracy ever. But Sansa slowly falls in love with Joffrey's bodyguard, Sandor, and they eventually consummate their love after surviving a terrorist attack lead by Arya. It's the perfect story for Thrones fans who also wish that they could masturbate to House of Cards. Oh, and good luck watching any more Sansa or Sandor scenes without getting a Whitney Houston song stuck in your head.

Filed Under   sex   wtf   fan fiction   game of thrones   fanfic

Article Pwn Up: Lose Yourself

By Jake Young / January 20, 2014

After last week's edition (the Pulitzer award winning "Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph") we asked our readers to share stories about moments when victory evaded their grasp. You guys did not disappoint with your disappointments and we're going to share some of the best ones. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail

 

Pwn Up: Lose Yourself

 

This summer me and my sister were staying at my cousin's for the night since we both had a lot of free time on our hands. Me and my cousin ended up playing endless hours of Pokemon Emerald and ranting about it the whole day while my bored sibling just watched us since she wasn't into Pokemon.

Sometime after midnight we turned my cousin's room into a battle arena while role playing as our favorite Pocket Monsters; I was Pikachu and she was Lillipup. So basically imagine the two of us screaming random Pokemon moves accompanying it with singing the battle theme song in our pajamas ,running around the room like maniacs. The worst part was we were both pant-less. We had a blast goofing around with each other performing every single move available, but the horrifying truth was that we were completely unaware my sister was sitting in a corner and filming the entire process.

Months passed and we forgot about that until a few weeks ago my sibling did the most embarrassing thing to me after an argument we had; I witnessed her show the video (which my soul was completely unaware of) to the entire household because she wanted to get back to me! I ran to my room feeling heavily defeated when I heard the family blast in a laugh while she showed it to my parents . Now I also know if I ever dare make her too angry or do something similar again, she'll put the video on the internet.

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/2/images/cleardot.gif-Gisoo

Filed Under   pwn my life   pokemon   pwn up   chao

Article The Nerdiest Nativity Scenes

By Chloe Cole / December 24, 2013

The Nerdiest Nativity Scenes

A Pokemon Nativity: Hey, don't get attached to any savior whose only move is Self-Destruct.

Filed Under   christmas   internerd

Article Pwn Up: Don't Be An Ash-Hat

By Andrew Bridgman / August 19, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Videogames Are Fun
I was in Chicago visiting my sister at college and decided to wear my Ash Ketchum hat that I'd bought earlier because of how much I was into Pokemon. I was walking around the campus looking for the bathroom, and I found a girl who was probably a junior at the time and asked where the bathroom was. She told me and then asked if I was wearing a Pokemon hat. I said yes, and she said "my little brother LOVES Pokemon too." Then she asked how old I was. I said 14. She gave me a funny look and said "oh, my brother's 8" and walked away giggling. I never wore that hat again.-Tim

Two weeks ago, I went to China with my parents for vacation. When I was looking at a lot of different porcelain artifacts in the Temple of Heaven, all I could think about was how Guybrush Threepwood would be shuddering if he were there.-Rich

When me and my friend were playing a game we saw someone trip outside through my living room window. My friend said "that looked so stupid" and then I said "You should have seen it on my screen."

Then I realized what I said. I play too many games.-Shan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article People Making Some Pretty Intense Threats If They Don't Get a Next Gen Console For Christmas

By Andrew Bridgman / December 25, 2013
People Making Some Pretty Intense Threats If They Dont Get a Next Gen Console For Christmas

Filed Under   consoles   twitter   ps4   xbox one

Article The Dorklyst: The 8 Worst Videogame Raps in Marketing History

By Andrew Bridgman / April 26, 2013

Since the beginning of videogames, one thing has been clear: marketing executives have no idea what the appropriate time would be to use rap in commercials and advertisements. Or how rap should sound. Or what it should be about. But "having no idea what we're doing" has never stopped an executive, so terrible/awkward raps became one of the cornerstones of the videogame ad industry. These are the 8 worst raps in videogame marketing history.

8. Supersonic Controller

The Supersonic Controller had a lot of hurdles this commercial tried (and failed) to leap: selling a wireless controller when the technology wasn't good enough to make that work, selling a controller shaped like a triangle (great shape for pizza, terrible shape for a controller), and convincing you it would work for the Nintendo – even though it was a third-party non-Nintendo-approved hunk of plastic that would embarrass MadCatz.

And what better way to stumble through this all than with a family-friendly rap (thus defeating the main appeal of rap in the 80's)? The problem is (besides being awful) that the rap can't even muster up the self-confidence to sell itself. They actually include the line "It will do." It's essentially saying that it gets the job done, but "Meh, It Works, Sorta" isn't exactly the ringing endorsement they thought it was.

Filed Under   rap   the dorklyst   dorklyst

Article If Chicago Sports Teams Had 'Game of Thrones' House Sigils

By Staff / March 22, 2014
If Chicago Sports Teams Had Game of Thrones House Sigils

Filed Under   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article Pwn Up: Animal Crunking

By Andrew Bridgman / May 13, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Future
Last night I drank a few too many beers with my neighbors. I didn't remember going to bed, but when I woke up, Animal Crossing: City Folk was playing on my TV. Apparently I'm an excellent fisherman when I'm drunk, as my entire inventory was full of Sea Basses. I'm just glad none of my neighbors moved out.-Justin

When I was 9, my mom took my brother and I down to the local bowling alley to play a few games. Once we got there, I noticed that they had a booster box of the original set of Pokemon cards sitting right behind the bar. To my surprise, there were only two packs left. I begged my mom to buy them for me. She finally did, and I was so happy that I might be able to own one of my favorite Pokemon at that time, Pikachu.

I opened my two packs, and was upset at the fact that there was not a single Pikachu card in there. However, I did open up a holographic first edition Charizard and Blastoise. I did not really care for those – so, just like most of my cards, I just put them away in my desk drawer and forgot about them.

Recently I got looking into them on eBay to see how much they were worth. I saw the price of Charizard, and I was astounded! The highest price I saw it going for was $700. I hated Charizard with a passion. And, when I was younger, I used that card specifically in the spokes of my bike.

I regret to this day that my quest for a Pikachu made me waste away a potential gold mine.-Phillip

Once I had a worksheet in Spanish class that had a crossword puzzle on it. One of the clues was "____ Vegas". Without even thinking about it, I put "New." It was later on when other words didn't work that I realized that the answer was "Las". Moral of this story – too much Fallout: New Vegas can mess with your mind.-Nathan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up