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Article 7 Terms From Star Wars That Don't Mean What You Think They Mean

By Andrew Bridgman / May 1, 2013
7 Terms From Star Wars That Dont Mean What You Think They Mean - Image 8

Despite all the humans, English language, and proper British accents, it's important to remember that the Star Wars universe isn't our own. Things are different there – they have landspeeders, they order around protocol droids, and their language – although sounding similar – has words that we think we know, but really have no clue. These are 7 terms from Star Wars that don't mean what you think they mean.

7. "Sith" is a species.

7 Terms From Star Wars That Dont Mean What You Think They Mean - Image 1

The Sith are the bad-guy Force people. Everyone knows that! They're the anti-Jedi, lightning shooting, Darth-named weirdos who refuse to use anything other than red in their lightsabers. Except…well, they didn't start off as "the group of Dark Side Force-guys." They started off as a species unto themselves.

Basically, they were red-skinned humanoids with gross face-tentacles from the planet Korriban. They had a predisposition towards the Dark Side of the Force, but that wasn't what defined them. That happened once a group of human Dark Jedi happened upon the species and interbred with them for a couple thousand years. Eventually, the Sith species was pretty much bred out of existence, and Sith became synonymous with the evil, cloak-wearing dudes we know them as today.

Although, it probably would've been smart to try using any lightsaber color other than red if they wanted to not give away their allegiances immediately.

Filed Under   star wars

Article The 2nd Annual Ultimate Halloween Quiz For Unlicensed Nerdy Costumes

By Andrew Bridgman / October 15, 2013

 

The 2nd Annual Ultimate Halloween Quiz For Unlicensed Nerdy Costumes

Rollover For Answers!

 

Costume 1: This harlequin-themed baddie belongs in an asylum! Watch out if she bats her eyelashes at you! Who is she?

 

The 2nd Annual Ultimate Halloween Quiz For Unlicensed Nerdy Costumes

 

Filed Under   halloween   costumes   quiz

Article The Dorklyst: The 10 Unsexiest Videogames of All-Time

By Tristan Cooper / October 8, 2013

The Dorklyst: The 10 Unsexiest Videogames Ever Made

Videogames can be funny, poignant and especially rage-inducing, but "sexy" has never been gaming's strong suit. Maybe Grand Theft Auto V's topless lapdances will rouse a few, but many other games have attempted to tighten the sweatpants of the gamer populace before, and all have failed. Here are the ten most spectacular feats of NSFW failures in videogame history.

Warning: NSFW...sorta.

 

10. Bachelor Party (Atari 2600)

 

 

It's been a long time since I saw Bachelor Party, but I don't think that the 1984 film adaptation of this 1982 video game was very faithful. Maybe I went to the bathroom when Tom Hanks ricocheted back and forth across the screen, banging brightly-colored women into oblivion. Despite the success of the movie, we never did get the film version of the sequel, Bachelorette Party. It was the same game but with the gender roles reversed, so maybe they would have been better off calling it Ms. Bachelor Party.

About as Sexy as: The romance novel adaptation of Bosom Buddies

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article 3 Times South Park Didn't Even Understand What They Were Parodying

By Andrew Bridgman / March 4, 2014

South Park has been well-known for over a decade for satirizing pop culture in its own unique and pointed way - but there have been at least a couple times when they miss the mark. Not too surprising, given each episode is produced in about 6 days. Still, they hit so often that when they miss, it stands out. Here's a few times that it wasn't even clear whether they were familiar with the thing they were making fun of.

 

1. 'Game of Thrones' Nudity

  3 Times South Park Didnt Even Understand What They Were Parodying

Over the course of three episodes ("Black Friday" / "A Song of Ass and Fire" / "Titties and Dragons"), South Park took on Game of Thrones, through the lens of the Console War between Xbox and Playstation. And throughout the whole thing, there were constant references to the nudity in Game of Thrones - but not the female nudity, but the male nudity ("Wieners" specifically).

 

 

The thing is - Game of Thrones is sorta renowned for having wildly disproportionate amount of female nudity compared to male nudity. The only wieners seen on the show belong to Hodor (and...not in much of a sexual way), Theon (at one point sexual, then later...less sexual), the guy who tried to poison Daenerys (extremely non-sexual), and one of Craster's sons (VERY EXTREMELY NON-SEXUAL). Whereas the show constantly inundates you with all variety of female nudity and almost always in a sexual manner.

Filed Under   movies   south park

Article Pwn Up: PokéMath

By Andrew Bridgman / October 7, 2013

Every now and then, we get a such big and thorough entry submitted to us, that we have absolutely no choice but to run it as its own very special edition of Pwn Up. This is one of those times.

Pwn Up: PokMath

Recently, you had an article about The 10 Most Absurdly Powerful Pokemon In Existence, and I was particularly interested by your account of Machamp.  By two different pokedex entries, Machamps are shown to be capable of moving mountains with just one arm, and throwing 500 punches per second.  I (like any normal high schooler would) decided to calculate how much kinetic energy just one of these punches would have...

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article 10 Important Characters In Nintendo's History That Probably Won't Be In the New Smash Bros.

By Andrew Bridgman / July 26, 2013
10 Important Characters In Nintendos History That Probably Wont Be In the New Smash Bros

The Smash Bros. series is Nintendo's attempt at giving itself a big pat on the back – the games are filled with Nintendo history, from the stages to the trophies in the game. But the stuff Nintendo wants you to pay attention to is the playable characters, which have ranged from R.O.B. to Mr. Game and Watch to Ness (who has now appeared in more Smash Bros. games than games of his own). Yet there are hugely important things from Nintendo's past that they'll probably never allow as characters in the new Smash Bros. games – here are 10 of them.

10. Anyone From the Super Mario Bros. Movie

10 Important Characters In Nintendo History That Probably Wont Be In the New Smash Bros Games

Nintendo's sole attempt at trying to squeeze its way into Hollywood is one they would like to forget – besides being an enormous box office failure, it did some real weird things with the Super Mario brand, including changing Goombas from little walking mushrooms into hulking reptiles with tiny heads, making Bowser look a lot like Dennis Hopper, and – their most unforgiving sin – having Luigi not have a mustache. So what are the odds we'd see anyone from the Super Mario Bros. movie in a new Smash Bros.? About as likely as the cast reuniting for a sequel that turns out to be Bob Hoskins' dream about fighting a frog named Wart.

Filed Under   smash bros   nintendo   the dorklyst

Article The Best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Cosplay On the Internet

By Andrew Bridgman / March 27, 2014

Rocksteady, April O'Neil, and Bebop

Some of the Best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Cosplay

via Cardboardtube Knight

 

Krang

Some of the Best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Cosplay

via The RPF

Article Recipes For a Delicious Thanksgiving Dinner (In Different Videogame Worlds)

By Peter Rubens / November 28, 2013

Castlevania

Recipes For a Delicious Thanksgiving Dinner In Different Videogame Worlds

Filed Under   food   recipes   castlevania   final fight   skyrim   thanksgiving

Article EA's Press Release Announcing They've Secured the Star Wars License

By Andrew Bridgman / May 6, 2013

EAs Press Release Upon Securing the Star Wars License - Image 1

Filed Under   star wars   EA

Article Pwn Up: Monsters in my Pocket

By Jake Young / November 4, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

   Pwn Up: Monsters in my Pocket  

 When I turned 12 I wanted a dog really badly but my family didn't have much money so for my birthday I got the next best thing: a Tamagotchi. I wasn't so thrilled at first, but after a couple of poop cleaning cycles I started to grow attached to it. I even asked my parents to come back early from our holidays because I had forgotten Dick (yes, that was the name of my egg shaped, monochrome pixel-made friend) in one of my drawers. 

After that episode I took him everywhere with me, obsessively checking his status every 5 minutes to check he was okay. I even went as far as to take him to school with me every morning, even though it wasn't allowed. I kept him hidden and was able to bypass my teachers' attention for a good couple of months, until...

One afternoon, after school, I was waiting for the bus with a friend when suddenly 3 kids about our age jumped us out of nowhere. They had blades and we had no experience fighting so we didn't put up any resistance. I gave them my bag while firmly holding Dick hidden in my pocket.

They seemed appeased by the contents of my bag, all except for one kid who kept looking at me with curiosity. He eventually told his friends I had something hidden in my pocket and forced me to show it to them. I resisted and took one hell of a beating before they snatched Dick out of my clenched fist. They looked at him, didn't know what it was, laughed and threw him to the street. I watched in shock how a pickup truck turned my friend into dust.

My friend helped me get up, but I wouldn't have it. I walked back home alone, bruised and dirty, crying the whole time. I felt responsible, as if I had betrayed and lost a friend.

When I finally got a dog the next year, I took care of him like he was the most important living thing in this world. To this day we remain best friends, even in his final years. His name is Dick.

 

-Gabriel

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up