Articles

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Article Theory Corner: Who is "The Winter Soldier?"

By Andrew Bridgman / March 19, 2014

Theory Corner: Who is The Winter Soldier

With the upcoming release of Captain American: The Winter Soldier, rumors have been swirling about who is the titular seasonal soldier. He wears a mask, and his (or her!) identity has been a closely guarded secret that will no doubt have huge implications on the plot. We've done a little bit of research and have come up with a number of candidates for who could be The Winter Soldier.

It's important to note that literally no one on the internet has any idea who or what the Winter Soldier truly is, so odds are one of these theories are right.

 

1. Captain American (Split-Personality)

Theory Corner: Who is The Winter Soldier

Here's what we know about Captain American: he's a soldier (check!) and he was frozen for 70 years (aka WINTER!). And wouldn't that just be the ULTIMATE twist? Captain American simply couldn't cope with the culture shock of waking up in the modern world and his personality split in two - good guy Captain American and bad guy The Winter Soldier. How his hair got so long and how he manages to battle himself (as seen in the trailers) is a mystery. Maybe it's like Fight Club and it's revealed later on that he's just punching himself and looking like a goofy idiot.

Article 5 Superhero Games That Took Away the Superpowers

By Miklós Takács / March 7, 2014

  5 Superhero Games That Took Away the Superpowers

It makes sense for developers to be drawn to making superhero games - there's a built in audience, the entire world and scenario is set up for you already, and there's a bunch of cool powers to play around with...which, actually, is also the problem. With so many superheroes being given powers of invincibility and impossibly crazy super strength, it makes designing a challenging game pretty, uh, challengingThe right way to do things would be to not betray the character and find a way to create an interesting game with their powers in tact. Or you could always take the easy way and just remove whatever inconvenient abilities are getting in your way.

Which is, naturally, the way most developers went for. These are 5 superhero games that did away with some pretty important superpowers.

 

1. Dragon Ball Z: Sagas - The Z-Fighters Can't Fly

5 Games That Used Popular Heroes In Incredibly Uncharacteristic Ways

The Source Material: The Z-Fighters are exceptional martial artists, and among the most powerful beings in the universe. They can use their energy - their ki - to shield their bodies from attacks, shoot energy projectiles, move so fast it looks like they teleport (except for Goku, who can actually teleport) and fly around with incredible speed.

The Game: Powerful warriors? Check. Energy beams and Kamehameha? Check. Super Saiyan? Check. So what's wrong? The Z-Fighters simply can't fly during actual gameplay. They are shown flying during cutscenes, and the levels start with the heroes landing at the beginning of the stage from the air, but the most you can hope for while in control is jumping and hovering around in the air, but only as high as your character can jump. I know what you're thinking. No problem, right? Z-Fighters have legs as powerful as nukes, they can jump pretty high. Not in this game, unfortunately. Their jumps are so pathetic Chunky Kong from Donkey Kong 64 would be embarrassed by them.

But it's no problem as long as the gameplay doesn't demand it, right? Well, there are coins in the game you can pick up on the stages that you can spend on making your ultimate warrior (not to be confused with The Ultimate Warrior) even more powerful. But some of them are placed so high that you simply can't jump up that far from the ground. You have to find platforms like hills to jump from, hover to the coin and pick them up. That's right. Height is a problem in a game based on Dragon Ball Z. The true challenge should be triumphing over foes like Frieza and Cell, not picking up collectibles out of your reach.

Filed Under   hulk   dragonball z   superheroes   the flash   powers

Article 7 Videos That Prove Farts Are The Best

By Andrew Bridgman / March 19, 2014

Theory: Farts are the best. Allow us to provide our proof.

 

1. Farts interrupting boring, serious government meetings? THE BEST.

Filed Under   farts   the best

Article New Characters Announced For PlayStation All-Star Battle Royale!

By Andrew Bridgman / April 9, 2014

Nintendo thinks they're SOOOOOOO hot, announcing a couple "new" characters for the upcoming Smash Bros. game, including EXCITING entries like Zelda, Sheik, Zero Suit Samus, and Yoshi. WOW. Well, you're not the ONLY one with a mascot fighting game ya know. Sony's got one too - and they've got PLENTY of new characters on the horizon!

 

New Characters Announced For PlayStation AllStar Battle Royale

 

New Characters Announced For PlayStation AllStar Battle Royale

Article Most Plausible Causes of Videogame Zombie Outbreaks

By Jared Bronen / October 2, 2013

The Last of Us

Most Plausible Causes of Zombie Outbreaks

According to this article,  the explaination for the "zombie" outbreak in The Last of Us actually has it roots in some very interesting science. The idea is based on this fungus that takes over ant bodies (the host) to make it do its bidding and eventually spread its spores. The cilia grow out of the ants body, similar to terrifying abomination that is whatever is coming out of a clicker's face. The Last of Us' proposal that this fungi, cordyceps, somehow transfer to humans is ACTUALLY PLAUSIBLE.

Dead Rising Series

Most Plausible Causes of Zombie Outbreaks

So the Dead Rising series proposes that these wasp eggs contain parasites that infect humans leading to the zombie outbreak that forces you run through a mall with a chainsaw attached to a boat paddle. But how much do we really know about wasps, and more importantly, how much do we really know about eggs? Wasp Science is woefully underfunded, even more so than egg science, and I've been denied grants to study Wasp Zombies more times than I can count. For all we know, Dead Rising's parasitic wasp eggs are SOMEWHAT PLAUSIBLE.

Filed Under   left 4 dead   zombies   dead rising   the last of us

Article 7 Terms From Star Wars That Don't Mean What You Think They Mean

By Andrew Bridgman / May 1, 2013
7 Terms From Star Wars That Dont Mean What You Think They Mean - Image 8

Despite all the humans, English language, and proper British accents, it's important to remember that the Star Wars universe isn't our own. Things are different there – they have landspeeders, they order around protocol droids, and their language – although sounding similar – has words that we think we know, but really have no clue. These are 7 terms from Star Wars that don't mean what you think they mean.

7. "Sith" is a species.

7 Terms From Star Wars That Dont Mean What You Think They Mean - Image 1

The Sith are the bad-guy Force people. Everyone knows that! They're the anti-Jedi, lightning shooting, Darth-named weirdos who refuse to use anything other than red in their lightsabers. Except…well, they didn't start off as "the group of Dark Side Force-guys." They started off as a species unto themselves.

Basically, they were red-skinned humanoids with gross face-tentacles from the planet Korriban. They had a predisposition towards the Dark Side of the Force, but that wasn't what defined them. That happened once a group of human Dark Jedi happened upon the species and interbred with them for a couple thousand years. Eventually, the Sith species was pretty much bred out of existence, and Sith became synonymous with the evil, cloak-wearing dudes we know them as today.

Although, it probably would've been smart to try using any lightsaber color other than red if they wanted to not give away their allegiances immediately.

Filed Under   star wars

Article 3 Times South Park Didn't Even Understand What They Were Parodying

By Andrew Bridgman / March 4, 2014

South Park has been well-known for over a decade for satirizing pop culture in its own unique and pointed way - but there have been at least a couple times when they miss the mark. Not too surprising, given each episode is produced in about 6 days. Still, they hit so often that when they miss, it stands out. Here's a few times that it wasn't even clear whether they were familiar with the thing they were making fun of.

 

1. 'Game of Thrones' Nudity

  3 Times South Park Didnt Even Understand What They Were Parodying

Over the course of three episodes ("Black Friday" / "A Song of Ass and Fire" / "Titties and Dragons"), South Park took on Game of Thrones, through the lens of the Console War between Xbox and Playstation. And throughout the whole thing, there were constant references to the nudity in Game of Thrones - but not the female nudity, but the male nudity ("Wieners" specifically).

 

 

The thing is - Game of Thrones is sorta renowned for having wildly disproportionate amount of female nudity compared to male nudity. The only wieners seen on the show belong to Hodor (and...not in much of a sexual way), Theon (at one point sexual, then later...less sexual), the guy who tried to poison Daenerys (extremely non-sexual), and one of Craster's sons (VERY EXTREMELY NON-SEXUAL). Whereas the show constantly inundates you with all variety of female nudity and almost always in a sexual manner.

Filed Under   movies   south park

Article The 2nd Annual Ultimate Halloween Quiz For Unlicensed Nerdy Costumes

By Andrew Bridgman / October 15, 2013

 

The 2nd Annual Ultimate Halloween Quiz For Unlicensed Nerdy Costumes

Rollover For Answers!

 

Costume 1: This harlequin-themed baddie belongs in an asylum! Watch out if she bats her eyelashes at you! Who is she?

 

The 2nd Annual Ultimate Halloween Quiz For Unlicensed Nerdy Costumes

 

Filed Under   halloween   costumes   quiz

Article The Dorklyst: The 10 Unsexiest Videogames of All-Time

By Tristan Cooper / October 8, 2013

The Dorklyst: The 10 Unsexiest Videogames Ever Made

Videogames can be funny, poignant and especially rage-inducing, but "sexy" has never been gaming's strong suit. Maybe Grand Theft Auto V's topless lapdances will rouse a few, but many other games have attempted to tighten the sweatpants of the gamer populace before, and all have failed. Here are the ten most spectacular feats of NSFW failures in videogame history.

Warning: NSFW...sorta.

 

10. Bachelor Party (Atari 2600)

 

 

It's been a long time since I saw Bachelor Party, but I don't think that the 1984 film adaptation of this 1982 video game was very faithful. Maybe I went to the bathroom when Tom Hanks ricocheted back and forth across the screen, banging brightly-colored women into oblivion. Despite the success of the movie, we never did get the film version of the sequel, Bachelorette Party. It was the same game but with the gender roles reversed, so maybe they would have been better off calling it Ms. Bachelor Party.

About as Sexy as: The romance novel adaptation of Bosom Buddies

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Pwn Up: PokéMath

By Andrew Bridgman / October 7, 2013

Every now and then, we get a such big and thorough entry submitted to us, that we have absolutely no choice but to run it as its own very special edition of Pwn Up. This is one of those times.

Pwn Up: PokMath

Recently, you had an article about The 10 Most Absurdly Powerful Pokemon In Existence, and I was particularly interested by your account of Machamp.  By two different pokedex entries, Machamps are shown to be capable of moving mountains with just one arm, and throwing 500 punches per second.  I (like any normal high schooler would) decided to calculate how much kinetic energy just one of these punches would have...

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up