Articles

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Article 5 Reasons Why Slippy is a Badass

By Ryan Creamer / September 18, 2013

1. Slippy Is An Engineering Mastermind

5 Reasons Why Slippy is a Badass

Slippy brings tangible skills to the table - which, it should be noted, is saying a lot for a team that is otherwise anthropomorphic, patronizing sass-machines. While Falco cops his signature 'tude, Peppy is physically unable to conjure up a single conversation topic unrelated to the poor protagonist's dead father. Slippy provides health information for every boss in Starfox 64, and invented EVERY VEHICLE YOU USE IN THE GAME.

Filed Under   starfox   badass   slippy

Article Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Videogame Sequels of All-Time

By Andrew Bridgman / January 30, 2014

  Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Videogame Sequels of AllTime

 Ever wonder what the greatest videogame sequels of all-time are? Well, wonder no longer! After 900,000 votes from Dorkly readers and non-readers who just like clicking pictures a lot (see the full results here), we have the greatest number 2's in gaming history.

 

20. Star Fox 64

  Toplist Results: The 20 Greatest Videogame Sequels of AllTime

Beginning its life as Star Fox 2 for the SNES, eventually the project was scrapped and moved to the upcoming N64 system, starring a group of 4 animals that - for some reason - were the only ones interested in trying to stop a floating monkey head from destroying the galaxy (seriously, there's an entire army shown at the end that apparently all had shore leave during the game). With diverging mission paths, some great (if basic) multiplayer, and some top-notch meme lines (including my favorite: "Do a spin-type move, Commander McCloud!" - Pepper the Squirrel), StarFox 64 was one of the main reasons to get an N64 in the early days. But on top of all of this, it was the first game to utilize the Rumble Pak (it even came with one!). By simply jamming a 5 pound brick into your controller, you could truly understand how it felt to be a anthropomorphized fox piloting a starship through an asteroid belt.

Filed Under   toplist   results   sequels

Article 9 Game Titles That Are Way Better In Japan

By Andrew Bridgman / September 26, 2013

1. Violence Killer: Turok New Generation (US Name = Turok 2: Seeds of Evil)

  10 Game Titles That Are Way Better In Japan

What's the only thing better than killing dinosaurs? Killing VIOLENCE. Killing the concept of "causing physical harm against others." Which, if you've ever used the Cerebral Bore, you'll know that's actually not the worst description. Better than planting seeds of evil - this title is a full-grown plant of evil.

 

2. God Slayer: Sonata of the Far Away Sky (US Name = Crystalis)

  10 Game Titles That Are Way Better In Japan

Crystalis is one of those names that doesn't really mean anything - it's a vaguely fantasy-esque title, but nothing else. Whereas "GOD SLAYER" is pretty badass - someone described by their slaying of gods? Pretty cool, especially when there's a song involved about how distant the sky is.

Filed Under   wtf   Japan   titles

Article Tumblr and Pokemon Are a Super Effective Combination

By Staff / March 31, 2014

Filed Under   pokemon   tumblr   internerd

Article Police Reports From 'Twitch Plays Pokemon'

By Ryan Creamer / March 4, 2014
Police Reports From Twitch Plays Pokemon

Filed Under   police   pokemon   twitch plays pokemon

Article Grand Theft Auto V Reviews: The Review

By Andrew Bridgman / September 16, 2013

Grand Theft Auto V Reviews: The Review

 

The internet has really done it this time - if you thought the reviews for Grand Theft Auto IV were good, the reviews for Grand Theft Auto V absolutely blow them out of the water, both in terms of word count and hyperbole. The reviews are massive and detailed - it's clear that videogame journalists have really put the time in to make these reviews as huge and enthusiastic as we've come to expect from videogame blogs and news outlets. Words like "perfect", "masterpiece," and "revolutionary" are only the tip of the iceberg here.

Filed Under   grand theft auto   gta   reviews   gta v

Article 5 Reasons Why Katherine Dorselburg Is A Terrible Choice To Play Terrified Metropolis Citizen #3

By Andrew Bridgman / December 4, 2013

5 Reasons Why Katherine Dorselburg Is A Terrible Choice To Play Terrified Metropolis Citizen 3

Today, Zack Snyder announced he had finally cast the role of Terrified Metropolis Citizen #3 for his upcoming film, Batman vs. Superman - and the actress portraying her is none other than Katherine Dorselburg. Naturally, the fan community is in an uproar over whether or not Ms. Dorselburg is right for the crucial role. Frankly, we here at Dorkly think she's an awful, awful choice, and here's why.

 

1. Way Too Skinny

5 Reasons Why Katherine Dorselburg Is A Terrible Choice To Play Terrified Metropolis Citizen 3

Everyone knows Terrified Metropolis Citizen #3 is thin - but a lean, muscular thin, not the kind of bony thin that Katherine Dorselburg is and has been expected to be throughout her entire career in Hollywood up to this point and by society at large, which criticizes women for not looking dangerously underweight all the time. Plus, it's not like she can put on muscle through a training and diet regimen (the way all male actors in superhero and action films do) - since we've only seen her at one consistent body type, she definitely 100% is going to have that body type in playing her character, and it will be awful (because how she looks is obviously the most important factor in her portrayal).

Filed Under   movies   wonderwoman   dc   zack snyder

Article Theory Corner: Who is "The Winter Soldier?"

By Andrew Bridgman / March 19, 2014

Theory Corner: Who is The Winter Soldier

With the upcoming release of Captain American: The Winter Soldier, rumors have been swirling about who is the titular seasonal soldier. He wears a mask, and his (or her!) identity has been a closely guarded secret that will no doubt have huge implications on the plot. We've done a little bit of research and have come up with a number of candidates for who could be The Winter Soldier.

It's important to note that literally no one on the internet has any idea who or what the Winter Soldier truly is, so odds are one of these theories are right.

 

1. Captain American (Split-Personality)

Theory Corner: Who is The Winter Soldier

Here's what we know about Captain American: he's a soldier (check!) and he was frozen for 70 years (aka WINTER!). And wouldn't that just be the ULTIMATE twist? Captain American simply couldn't cope with the culture shock of waking up in the modern world and his personality split in two - good guy Captain American and bad guy The Winter Soldier. How his hair got so long and how he manages to battle himself (as seen in the trailers) is a mystery. Maybe it's like Fight Club and it's revealed later on that he's just punching himself and looking like a goofy idiot.

Article ALERT: We Recommend You Change Your Password, Burn Your Computer, and Also Get A Whole New Face

By Andrew Bridgman / April 15, 2014

ALERT: We Recommend You Change Your Password, Burn Your Computer, and Also Get A Whole New Face

Hey guys!

So - you may have heard of the so-called "Heartbleed vulnerability" - essentially, it's a security bug in open-source OpenSSL. Many sites that were thought to be secure were anything but - and while updates have fixed the problem, the exploit was wide open for quite a long time.

As a result, we recommend you take the following actions:

 

1. Change your passwords.

All of your passwords. Email, Facebook, banks, secret knocks to get into the neighborhood clubhouse, safe words you've worked out with your sexual partner for when things go a little "too far", Twitter, etc. All of them may have been compromised.

 

2. Smash and burn your computer.

Unfortunately, the odds that your entire system has been corrupted is too great at this point. The only solution is to destroy the hardware and sever your connection to this technology. Some major shit is about to go down, and the suits were too late in catching it. We're talking that Johnny Cage 'Transcendence' movie type shit here.

 

3. Scatter the ashes of your computer across the four corners of the earth.

Keep the cursed remains of your computer as far away from each other as possible. It's only delaying the inevitable, but every second counts.

Filed Under   internet   heartbleed   security

Article New Characters Announced For PlayStation All-Star Battle Royale!

By Andrew Bridgman / April 9, 2014

Nintendo thinks they're SOOOOOOO hot, announcing a couple "new" characters for the upcoming Smash Bros. game, including EXCITING entries like Zelda, Sheik, Zero Suit Samus, and Yoshi. WOW. Well, you're not the ONLY one with a mascot fighting game ya know. Sony's got one too - and they've got PLENTY of new characters on the horizon!

 

New Characters Announced For PlayStation AllStar Battle Royale

 

New Characters Announced For PlayStation AllStar Battle Royale