Articles

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Article The 6 Most Twisted Romances in Videogame History

By Tristan Cooper / February 12, 2014

The 6 Most Twisted Romances in Videogame History 

Love and videogames have had a checkered history, at best. Players are either forced through a cheesy story with the dramatic chops of a high school play, or they're asked to pick a series of branches on a dialogue tree in a game of Choose Your Own Relationship. Turns out game developers aren't as good at approximating the complex emotions of human beings as they are at making grisly blood spatter from a chainsaw gun.

 

But every once in a while, in between the shy schoolgirls and alien love triangles, you can find some pretty messed up hook ups. We've compiled a list of these outliers, the most ludicrous liasons in gaming. Whatever you do, don't fall in love.

 

 

 

6. You and your spouse in Skyrim

 

The 6 Most Twisted Romances in Videogame History

 

In Skyrim, getting hitched is as simple as wearing a special amulet and chatting up the townsfolk. It doesn't take much for a citizen to become your lifelong partner, but who can blame them? You're famous, you've got great job security as the Dovahkiin and you can carry like 18 cheese wheels at once -- they gotta lock that down. But once you're married, the game's simple romance mechanics show their seedier side.

 

After you've sworn to carry each other's burdens, your spouse just stays at home and waits for you to return, earning you 100 gold per day while watching over your growing hoard of dragon bones. If you choose to sleep in bed with your S.O. instead of in a cave filled with Nordic zombie corpses, you get a small XP bonus for your swift and inevitable exit to the outside world. Worse yet, if you marry someone who can also be a follower, they're forced into the thankless life that is the Dovahkiin's packmule and meatshield. Accidentally shooting them with an arrow to the back of the head could be considered a mercy killing.

 

Then again, mariticide actually serves a function in Skyrim -- it's the only way to divorce your spouse. If you do decide to brutally murder the person you vowed to honor and protect, you're officially back on the market. You're welcome to remarry and rekill as often as your heart desires, at least until you run out of mates and remember that you never finished the main quest.

 

Filed Under   creepy   love   romance

Article The Best of "Wars vs. Thrones"

By Staff / July 24, 2013

This week, the internet meme-bean machine kicked into high gear with "Wars vs. Thrones" – having characters from Game of Thrones and Star Wars compare their horrible situations (usually the Star Wars folk have it a little bit worse). These are the best ones produced (so far):

The Best of Wars vs Thrones
(via)

Filed Under   star wars   memes   game of thrones   internerd

Article Were Sory, But Your Bannd From Xbocks Live :(

By Andrew Bridgman / April 11, 2014

I think my Xbox just won Battle of the Bands?

xbox

via Luddy420

 

Well, thanks for being so forthcoming, mark from microsoft.

xbox

via ButterySax

Filed Under   gamers   xbox live   xbox   wtf   messages

Article The Nerdiest Christmas Trees

By Chloe Cole / December 24, 2013
Nerdiest Christmas Trees

Filed Under   christmas   trees   holidays   internerd

Article Japan Is Making An Episode of 'Adventure Time'

By Staff / via Vulture / April 21, 2014

Japan Is Making An Episode of Adventure Time

Anime director Masaaki Yuasa (The Tatami Galaxy, Kaiba) will be making an episode of Adventure Time for the upcoming sixth season - and they've already released a clip from the episode. Naturally, it's extremely weird - although Adventure Time is already a pretty weird show on its own before an outsider who primarily works in anime takes over.

Article 4 Theories Of What Diglett Really Looks Like Underground

By Chloe Cole / January 10, 2014

4 Theories Of What Diglett Really Looks Like Underground

Since the dawn of man (or since Pokemon Red & Blue was released, either way), we have looked to the stars and wondered one question: what the heck is going on with the lower part of Diglett and Dugtrio's body? Like, we can see the part that sticks out of the  ground, but not the bottom part. Luckily, artists across the internet have put up hypothesis after hypothesis to explain the greatest mystery of our time:

Filed Under   pokemon   dugtrio   diglett   theories

Article The 10 Greatest Legend of Zelda Games In History

By Andrew Bridgman / May 17, 2013
The 10 Greatest Legend of Zelda Games In History

The Legend of Zelda is one of the greatest series in videogame history, with nearly every game being a classic in its own right. So, mostly just to get the internet really upset about something, we asked you to vote for your favorite Zelda game of all time. And after nearly 200,000 votes (you can see the full results here), you (well, a bunch of people who voted, which may or may not include you) have decided the top 10 games in the Legend of Zelda series, which has done pretty well for a series starring a kid who never speaks and doesn't even have his name in the title. So take a break from trying to figure out how the new Link to the Past game will affect the Zelda Timeline and read about the top 10 Zelda games of all-time.

10. The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

The 10 Best Legend of Zelda Games In History

Somewhat narrowly beating out the Oracle games (also developed by Capcom), comes the Honey, I Shrunk the Link entry of the Zelda series, The Minish Cap. The basic twist of the game was Link could put on a hat that turned him into an ant-sized hero as he went around searching for medallion halves and doing somersaults as he rolled around Hyrule.

The game is notable for being the first entirely new Zelda game produced for the Game Boy Advance, and one of the few Zelda games to be developed by someone other than Nintendo. Other than that, The Minish Cap is mostly just a colorful and well-made entry in the Zelda series with some solid puzzle-solving, although a Rick Moranis cameo would have been totally welcome.

Filed Under   zelda   link   toplist

Article Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Generation I Pokemon

By Andrew Bridgman / October 29, 2013

  Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Generation I Pokemon

Internet, you did it - after over 2 million votes (and some passionate commenting), you ranked all 151 of the original generation 1 Pokemon. Some of the results were surprising, some were not - apparently no one likes poor Weedle or Kakuna, Moltres is the least popular legendary, and Magikarp is way more popular than Victreebell. But most importantly, your votes helped us whittle the original Pokedex down to the greatest 15. Here they are...

 

15. Snorlax

  Toplist Results: The 15 Greatest Generation I Pokemon

The Pokemon with the least healthy Body Mass Index is also one of your favorites, just barely edging out Venusaur to make this list. Was it his ability to block the normal flow of traffic? The fact that he would have literally slept forever if you didn't wake him up with a flute? Basically, Snorlax is what we all aspire for: sleep and eat all the time, and getting to take naps in the middle of busy intersections without suffering any consequence (except being captured by an overenthusiastic child).

Filed Under   pokemon   toplist   results

Article New Gaming Slang

By Andrew Bridgman / August 13, 2013

Pwn? Noob? Leet? These terms are outdated and, frankly, a little childish-sounding. We associate them with the worst of gamers: the hyperbolically-angry, loud, anti-social, shut-in gamers of the world. It's time to retire these old terms and replace them with some new ones that would be more in line with the world today. Here are our suggestions for what terms could replace the old slang.

1. n00b

What We Should Replace It With: Pichu

Pichu is an example of a terrible idea someone at Pokemon had – to add worse, weaker pre-evolutions of existing Pokemon. Imagine being a Pokemon designer, looking at something like Pikachu or Jynx, and saying "Nah, we need this but worse." Pichu is probably the most well-known of these horrible ideas, so let's start calling unreasonably bad players Pichu. Because Pichu sucks.

Example: "Did he seriously just try to no scope that sniper? What a Pichu."

2. pwn'd

What We Should Replace It With: Dwayne Johnson'd

Listen – you could say you "rocked" someone, as in destroying them in a showy manner. But we don't say "rock" anymore – we say "Dwayne Johnson." Look at the credits for Fast & Furious 6. Welcome to the 21st century.

Example: "30 kills, no deaths. I totally Dwayne Johnson'd you Pichus that game."

Filed Under   gamers   gaming   dwayne johnson   slang

Article 20 Utterly Disturbing Real World Pikachus

By Staff / November 18, 2013

Filed Under   pikachu   creepy   wtf   pokemon