Articles

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Article The Weekly IRL: Dorkly Halloween Round-up 2k11

By Staff / November 3, 2011


Filed Under   cosplay   the weekly irl   halloween 2k11

Article Yoshi's Had Enough

June 23, 2010
  1. Yoshi

    Well, good luck in there Mario!

  2. Mario

  3. Yoshi

    Go get 'em man.

  4. Mario

    You know, you could, uh, come with me. You know, and help-

  5. Yoshi

    Nope. I stay outside the castle.

  6. Mario

    You know, it's just, castles generally are hard and-

  7. Yoshi

    I'm not allowed in there. So…

  8. Mario

    But it's Bowser. I know it's hard, but we're partners. You can't just quit on me!

  9. Yoshi

    Yeah? So we're partners no matter what?

  10. Mario

    Yeah!

  11. Yoshi

    Through thick and thin?

  12. Mario

    Yeah!

  13. Yoshi

    And I can take my turn banging Peach?

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #52

December 9, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

This Valentine's Day, my girlfriend and I hung out in my parents' basement, watched anime and ate Wendy's. It was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had.-Jonathan

The other day I was playing Fallout 3 and came upon a room with an iron. I picked it up, not quite remembering what quest I needed an iron for, but I remembered needing an iron for some reason. After looking through my quest log, I realized it had nothing to do with Fallout and that I needed to iron my pants for work the next day-Brian

Around third grade, my brother and I would go to a weekly Pokemon day at a local park. All the kids would bring their cards and straight battle and trade for hours. Being young and foolish, I traded my rare Kabutops for a lame Chansey I thought was cool. After my brother realized what I had done, he talked some sense into me, pointing out that that Kabutops was my best card and Chansey was awful. I begged him to get my card back. He had to give up his prized Charizard in exchange. I'm a sophomore in high school now and I still have that Kabutops on my desk. I keep it there to remind me how much my brother loves me.-Anonymous

I frequently have to turn cheat when typing papers for class with length requirements. I decrease both the font size and margins, and manipulate the sentence spacing so that it will be short enough.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #45

November 11, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

From 5th to 6th grade, I had the biggest crush on a girl in my class and no social skills. This was bad news for her. She suffered a lot pseudo-stalking, odd behavior, and random, creepy notes filled with my best (awkward and terrifying) attempts to imitate Shakespeare. Somehow none of it was getting her to acknowledge my existance. As if I hadn't traumatized her enough, I did the most romantic thing I could think of. I serenaded her with the complete song and lyrics from the opera house scene in Final Fantasy 3. In our homeroom. In the middle of the day. On graduation day. I thought it was going great until she ran screaming and crying down the hall. I'd love the chance to get in touch with her to apologize, but to this day she hasn't joined a single social networking site. I wonder why.-Michael

I brought the Maximum Carnage trade paperback with me when I got a tattoo, so I would have something to read while they did it. The tattoo artist asked if I wanted a spiderman tattoo, and I had to stop for a moment because I couldn't decide if I wanted to get my original idea or Spiderman.-Anonymous

I work as a waitress in a small restaurant. Our boss let's us wear what we want as long as it's appropriate and we don't mind getting it dirty. I made myself a bartender's outfit with an apron, dyed my hair blonde, cut it short, and started wearing sunglasses. Every day I go to work cosplaying as Heiwajima Shizuo from the anime Durarara and no one else knows it.-NK

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #9

July 20, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.
Was playing MW2 when I heard a guy in the background of another games mic saying "Dude, hurry the f*ck up! Your wedding's in 30 mins. So about 25 mins later, I was curious and added his gamer tag, he accepted, and I joined his game. Apparently the wedding was delayed due to some weird claim, and he's now on a killing streak, with every kill he says, "with how many kills I make today is how many chicks I'm going to bang a month, since my bitch wife isn't going to game with me. One of the reasons I married her too."-Arv S.
While playing COD 4 there was this really annoying little kid who was really pissing everyone off. He began to talk about how he was going to rape everyone and their mothers. Everyone was trying to get the kid angry but nothing seemed to work. I then asked the kid if he even knew what rape was. The line was then silent for a few moments until the kid then said "SHUT UP I HATE YOU!' and then left the game. -Kris S.
After he found out I'm from South Africa, a British teenager asked mewhether District 9 was real.-Hadlee
During a game of Search and Destroy on MW2 I was cussed out by an angry 12 year old child. This was followed by the kid talking to his mom with his mike still on. "Mom! I don't want crust on my pb&j!"-Chris B.
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Halloween Dorklyst: The 6 Goriest Death Scenes in Videogame History

By Sophie Prell / October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween, Dorksters! I hope your holiday weekend went well. I spent mine watching the Hellraiser series, both versions of The Thing, and shotgunning the entire Alien quadrilogy, relishing in every gory, dripping moment. I thought I'd share some of my delightfully dark taste with you in the spirit of the season. So bust out the popcorn and the barf bags, because below are six of the most haunting, goriest death scenes in video games. Abandon all hope, ye who enter this Dorklyst.

6. Golf Club, Meet Face (Bioshock)

Originally, this list was going to be comprised entirely of player deaths, and all the bad sh*t that happens when we fail to press the jump button at exactly the right time or just barely miss dodging that axe murderer's swing. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there were some fantastically gory deaths of NPCs, some of them were the most memorable of the whole lot. Such is the tale of Andrew Ryan's death in Bioshock.

In movies, we often see characters knocked out with a single headbutt or smack with a blunt object. Bioshock gets a little closer to what would actually happen if you were to strike the soft, squishy scalp of a human with the hard metal of, oh say, a golf club. The slurred screams of Ryan echo hauntingly throughout Rapture as his face twists, and the squit! sound of blood from his temples seals the deal. A man chooses. A slave obeys.

5. Chainsaw Piledriver (Manhunt)

Manhunt is a game with a bare bones plot to thread together gory murder after gory murder. There are so many to choose from, too. Maybe the brutal hack, hack, hack, hack, decapitation of the machete kill? The wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle of the wire beheading? All fine and good, but I'm gonna go with the one that makes my stomach drop thinking about it: chainsaw piledriver.

With the Manhunt chainsaw, you can invert the blade like you're about to stick a post in the ground, and shove it straight down into someone's sweet, succulent gray matter. The chainsaw cracks open the victim's head like a ripe melon, and ventures down into the chest cavity for a good moment or two, churning up their insides like a blender. Mmm, who's hungry?

Filed Under   the dorklyst   halloween 2k11

Article The Top 10 Dorkly Bits of 2011

By Staff / December 30, 2011

10. Mario Meets With His Agent



9. Smash Bros. Fatalities

Filed Under   best of 2011

Article Pwn Up: Awe-Inspiring Moment

By Staff / May 18, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Awe-Inspiring Moment - Image 2

Recently my girlfriend and I went to our local Gamestop. I noticed that there was a new girl working the counter, and that she had a triforce tattoo on her bicep. As we were leaving the store, I commented to my girlfriend how cool it was to see other girl gamers. With snort of derision my girlfriend said "The triforce should go on the back of your hand."-Logan

Back in the NES days, my cousin and I would play the Double Dragon games., We didn't know much about hardware capacities and all that tech stuff, so when we played with too many enemies on stage and suffered frame slowdown, we thought "Hey, it's great that developers add that slow-motion effect in the fights". Years passed and we always thought that was added to the game to make it look cooler, especially with the helicoper-kick in slo-mo. Now we know the truth.-Travis

Me and my girlfriend wanted to get matching tattoos. Being the Pokemon nerd that I am I suggested Minun and Plusle. You can see what she thought of the idea…-Anonymous (see below)

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Weekly IRL: Cosplay Fail

July 1, 2010

Have a submission for next week's issue? Send pictures to weeklyirl at gmail. Next Issue: Videogame Street Art.


Article The Weekly IRL: Gamers Nailin' It

By Staff / January 19, 2012


Filed Under   the weekly irl