Articles

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Article The Weekly IRL: Best Of "I'm From The Internet" Meme

September 23, 2010

Filed Under   the weekly irl   memes

Article Pwn Up: Magic the Condoming

By Kevin Corrigan / March 16, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Magic the Condoming - Image 1

When I used to need to pee between Warcraft 3: Frozen Throne matches, I peed in the sink in the kitchen. It was closer than the bathroom.-Anonymous

I walked eight miles in the mid-day Florida sun to buy Pokemon: White on launch day. If I had waited until the next day, I would have had money for the bus.-Chris

I got an EvE Online tattoo on my right arm a few months back. And a Deus Ex tattoo on my left arm. Yeaaaaah!-Anonymous (Picture below)

My dad and I have always been gamers. We each have our own PS3 in different parts of the house. He got his because I wouldn't let him play mine while I was sleeping. It had unintended consequences. My dad recently had a videogame night for him and his friends. I was not invited.-A Regretful Son

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #35

October 7, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

When I was a fat little 11-year-old, my favorite part of Mario 64 was just running around open areas without having Mario ever get tired.-Rock

About a week ago, I woke up early in the morning to find myself crying. I'd had a disturbing dream which had awoken me and left me feeling depressed for several days. The dream was that I was browsing the internet and saw that IGN had posted an early review of Fallout: New Vegas and given it a 7.4.-Steve

My senior year of high school, I had a math teacher that mentioned he played WoW when he first introduced himself. By the third month of class, my best friend and I hated him. One night, we decided to see if we could find him in the game. We tried a bunch of names in the armory and found a lone alliance paladin with the same last name as our teacher. It was a pretty unique last name, so we were sure it was him. The next day we each paid $25 to transfer our horde characters to his realm and spent the week following him and killing him. He would come to school angry each day. Finally, we asked him if he had been getting harassed by a priest and a mage lately. He gave us a death stare and we were both removed from his class within a few weeks. The reason the school gave us was for "making his life difficult."-Louie

In Elementary School, several guys started a Pokemon club that used to gather at recess and watch one person play Pokemon Red on his Game Boy. It became crowded quickly and other kids got jealous because there wasn't enough room under the slide. This fringe group started calling themselves Team Rocket. One day, the two groups met on the playground and had a big fight. Everyone involved had to go to a meeting afterwards because the school thought it was gang related.-Montana

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Dorklyst: 8 of the Greatest Floating Islands in Videogame History

By Dan Abromowitz and Caldwell Tanner / July 27, 2011


As long as mankind has stood on dry land, we have looked up at the sky and wondered, "Shit, dude, how cool would floating islands be?" While science and technology continue to fail us day after day, videogames have come through to stoke our imaginations with images of our ultimate aspiration: to live among the clouds. In the spirit of that lofty ideal, here's our list of the greatest floating islands in video games.


8. Skyloft (Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)


The only way living on a series of floating islands could ever be construed as a safe idea is if you don't actually know that solid ground exists beneath you. Luckily for Link, Zelda, and the other inhabitants of Skyloft, a life surrounded by nothing but a sea of clouds (and of course the ever-present threat of death by freefall) is all they've ever known. As a result, the people of Skyloft appear to be both prideful, brave, and severely ignorant. Possessing the Triforce of Courage doesn't really seem that impressive when one of the main hobbies for Skyloft youth appears to be jumping off cliffs and then hoping that one of the island's indigenous giant birds will break your fall. Eventually, Link makes his way to the surface world of Hyrule, but can travel back to Skyloft using the Skyward Sword at any time. We can only hope he uses this ability to help drastically reduce Skyloft's ultra-high mortality rate among wandering blind people.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Pwn Up: Filmographics

By Jake Young / December 30, 2013

Pwn Up: Filmographics

Hey Dorkly, here's a Christmas story I hope makes its way into Pwn Up. Enjoy!

 

Every year my brother and I exchange a notoriously bad old school videogame for Christmas as a gag gift. This year, I thought I would step it up and give him the gift he really wanted. 

Anyway keep doing awesome work and have a great holiday!

 

 

 

- Richard

Filed Under   movies   pwn my life   pwn up   simpsons

Article Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph

By Andrew Bridgman / January 13, 2014

This week on Pwn Up, we look at your greatest nerdy victories. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail 

 

  Pwn Up: Our Moment of Triumph

 

When my brother was twelve, I was seven. For my seventh b-day, my uncle gave me a PS2 and a copy of FFX.

As in all the families, my brother played and I watched. He beat the game several times - but he never did three things: Complete a Blitzball League, beat any of the dark eons, and pass 9999 of damage, which he accomplished only with Auron. 

This year I was in England for two and a half months with some of my parents' friends. 
Their son had a PS2 with a FFX. I resisted only 2 days - then I passed literally 4 days gathering the astral weapons and the emblems. 
Then, dead Zanarkand, something between 2 am and 8 pm of July,18. 
Auron, Tidus and Yuna.
Yuna>Summon Yojimbo
Yojimbo>Give him 1 gil because cannon-meat for Dark Bahamut's turbo
>Zanmato
 
Immediately dialed my brother's number. 
"Marco, how are you doing?"
"I killed that asshole."
"Who?"
"Dark Bahamut."
We both cried and laughed until my host family made me hang up
 
-Marco

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Gone Home: The Dorkly Review

By Andrew Bridgman / January 7, 2014

   Gone Home: The Dorkly Review

Gone Home has been the subject of much debate over the past few months - many arguing that it isn't a game at all, that it's too short, etc. So we decided to sit down and play it - here are the three main criticisms we had about this game:

 

1. Not Enough Gun Variety!
 
2. Spent Like An Hour Searching For Mana Restoration Potions!
 
3. Not Enough Enemies!

 

Should you buy Gone Home? Personally, I would advise you to wait for a map pack DLC to be released - right now, there's only a single small map included, and there was no one else on the server. Very frustrating. A glitch in my game also removed all the guns and samurai swords apparently, so I was basically defenseless. Out of boredom, I just kinda wandered around and picked through whatever letters and cassettes I could find lying around while looking for mana restoration potions so I could cast lightning spells (had difficulty finding the magicka menu, still haven't located it actually).

Filed Under   dorkly review   gone home

Article The Dorklyst: 6 Most Underrated Duos in Videogame History

By Brandon Hoang / July 5, 2011

Pick any schmo off the street and they can easily rattle off every one's favorite video game teams: Mario and Luigi. Rachet and Clank. Sonic and Tails. Mega Man and Rush. Kong and his Diddy. But what about some of the lesser appreciated duos? The teams of two putting their collective necks on the live to better our lives? Here's our tribute to gaming's most under-appreciated tag teams.

6. A Boy and His Blob – The Boy… and his Blob


A boy. A blob. A sh*tload of jellybeans. Endless possibilities.

Anything the boy wanted, the blob delivered. You need to climb some stuff? I'm your ladder. Feed me some tangerine jellybeans, you got yourself a trampoline. Got a hankerin' to rocket off into space? It'll cost you something root beer flavored.

These two could do it all and they did it through friendship: the most powerful flavored jellybean of them all. Not to mention, I can't think of many characters that can actually complete an entire NES game in under 10 mins.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Halo Firefight: A Hero's Death

March 7, 2011
  1. General

    Uh, Mrs. Gunki77er?

  2. Mother

    Yes, general?

  3. General

    There's no easy way to say this. Your son died in a Halo firefight last night-

  4. Mother

    What?

  5. General

    Ten times, ending his game.

  6. Mother

    That…that is a lot of times.

Filed Under   conversations   halo

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Pictures of Cosplayers with a Sense of Humor

December 16, 2010

Filed Under   cosplay   the weekly irl