Articles

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #80

By Kevin Corrigan / June 17, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Fun Pwn My Life Fact:Most of you cried when Ash tried to release Pikachu back into the wild on the Pokemon cartoon. It was the only time many of you have ever cried, and many of you cry every time you watch it.

My wife and I had a son on June 6. The last day in the hospital I was texting a friend, jokingly, about seeing if my son Roddrick wanted to join our Minecraft server. When I logged into Minecraft a few days later, I noticed a new chest in my house with a sign reading "Roddrick's Starter Kit". My friend put full stacks of various items and materials in a single block chest for my son and I. Hands down, one of the best gifts ever. Thanks, Two-Hand.-Andrew

One of my best friends got me manga for my 18th birthday. I have never read any manga, ever. He was so sure I did because apparently I look like someone that reads manga.-Will

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: Woodrow Wilson, Mage Champion

By Andrew Bridgman / April 29, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Woodrow Wilson, Mage Champion - Image 2
Recently, I was taking a U.S. history final exam. One of the essays I had to write was on the U.S.'s role in WWI and the League of Nations. About 5 minutes before I turned my exam in, I realized that I had written League of Legends instead of League of Nations everywhere. I furiously erased as many of them as I could, and replaced them with League of Nations, but I missed one. My teacher was very confused and took a point off, citing that she had searched "League of Legends" on her computer and was disappointed that I had confused them.-Andrew S.

I met my girlfriend by playing Mass Effect 3 multiplayer. I trapped her in the reactor on the Reactor Hazard map (on purpose). She yelled out "YOU TRAPPED ME, YOU TEAM-KILLING F*CKTARD!" I realized the quote since it came from Red vs. Blue, and it was love at that moment. Turns out she lived in the same town as me, we met up and have been happily together ever since. I'd say we're about even on the number of team-kills against each other so far.-WM

I recently moved away from my best friend, who would always come over and have long gaming sessions together. He made the long drive over and after playing a lot of Resident Evil 6, we went to look at his grandfather's old house, which was empty and up for sale. After finding the back door open, we looked through the house – but every time I opened a door, my left trigger finger twitched, to get my gun ready for zombies.-Samuel

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article In the Stands at the Wii Tennis Court

July 28, 2010
  1. Spectator #1

    So, who's playing today?

  2. Spectator #2

    Looks like a pair of identical twins against a different pair of identical twins.

  3. Spectator #1

    Huh. What are the odds, right?

  4. Spectator #2

    Pretty high, actually. I've been watching these matches for years, and it's mostly twins playing against twins.

  5. Spectator #1

    Whoa! Did you see that?

  6. Spectator #2

    What?

  7. Spectator #1

    Each set of twins is swinging in unison! It's… kind of creepy.

  8. Spectator #2

    Well, you know. Tennis is a creepy sport, right?

  9. Spectator #1

    …Maybe. Jeez, these guys aren't very good.

  10. The balls flies into the stands.

  11. Spectator #1

    I mean, what was that?

  12. Spectator #2

    Oh, that's this team's signature play. When the ball's headed to their side, they both swing at the same time, but the front guy misses, so when it gets to the back guy he's still recovering from that first swing and he just kind of flails around wildly. He generally either hits the ball into the stands or misses completely.

Filed Under   conversations   wii

Article Pwn Up: Sonic the Knowledge-Hog

By Andrew Bridgman / July 1, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Sonic the KnowledgeHog
A few days ago, I went to a presentation of a scientific project. It was about medical stuff, and I was distracted and kinda bored. However, at some point I recognized the words "Sonic" and "hedgehog" being said by the doctor, so I quickly looked up at the presentation to confirm that what I heard wasn´t my imagination. It turns out that there's a human protein called Sonic hedgehog and it seemed that I was the only one in the room who notice the reference to certain blue character.-Anonymous

The Lungfish boss fight in Psychonauts caused me to break my $400 TV.-Austin

I was checking out at the convenience shop in my university. The line was long and due to the fact that it was 9:00am, some people were still groggy and grumpy. In spite of this, the cashier was very friendly and nice. She was asking the customers random and sometimes funny questions as she rung them up. When it came to my turn, she asked me

"If you could be the very best at one thing, what would it be?"

"Pokemon training," I answered, without a moment's hesitation.

"Like no one ever was?" she added.

We high-fived.-Christopher

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article 5 Unfair Moves (You Have To Do To Win)

August 16, 2010

1. Excessive Blocking

Why It Sucks When Other People Do It: You have to beat everyone in this room before you're allowed to leave. The first 49 minions of the Dark Bad Power Guy were slain without too much effort, but then this asshole shows up. And blocks. And blocks. Sometime he doesn't NOT block unless you hit him in the back. Too bad he never turns around.
A gimmick like this can turn what should be a simple enemy into a nigh-insurmountable challenge. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when you have 6 nigh-insurmountable challenges surrounding you, all of a sudden Easy Mode starts looking pretty prime.
Why YOU Have To Do It: Part of the fun of platformers is your remarkable prowess. You can take out a room full of enemies if you do it right.
Problem is, just because you can kick copious amounts of ass doesn't mean you can put up with a lot of damage. Hitting a common opponent a dozen times isn't that odd at all, but getting hit a dozen times is always bad news. If you don't block, you die. Plain and simple.
Filed Under   platformers

Article The Dorklyst: 8 of the Greatest Cities in Videogame History

By Sophie Prell / May 19, 2011


Hi there, and thanks for choosing Dorkly Travel. We're your one-stop shop for all fictional fantasy wonderland getaways, tours and those family packages the kids have been begging you for. My name is Sophie Prell, and I'll be your helpful "I swear my enthusiasm is genuine" guide. From your information, I see that you've been looking at some of our city destinations. Well, sit back dear sir/madam, and allow me to fill you in on our top spots.

8) Raccoon City (Resident Evil 2 & 3)


Now I won't lie to you, I'm going to start by showing you some of our bargain packages first. They may not be as appealing as you'd like, but they certainly have character. Well, except this one. Because most everyone there is dead. Oh, and the town was decimated by a nuclear strike. Something about ungodly horrors man was not meant to see. But the radioactive fallout has cleared up a lot since then, prime real estate is very, very available, and the mountains are just lovely in the fall. Plus, the area is littered with miracle weeds that'll cure everything from bites and claw marks (their most common application prior to that whole nuke thing) to cottonmouth and herpes. So you know… that's something.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Best Steam Reviews: Secret of the Magic Crystals

By Andrew Bridgman / March 20, 2014

Best Steam Reviews: Secret of the Magic Crystals

Secret of the Magic Crystals is one of the best reviewed games on Steam - but what is it about this horse-breeding simulator that's struck a nerve in the PC gaming community? Check out some of the reviews and see for yourselves! 

 

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Best Steam Reviews: Secret of the Magic Crystals

 

Best Steam Reviews: Secret of the Magic Crystals

Article Boss Music: 5 Classics From Final Fantasy VII

November 8, 2010

Boss Music is a weekly column dedicated to classic videogame music. Have a game you want featured? Tell us at the Dorkly Facebook page.



Filed Under   final fantasy   boss music

Article Pwn Up: Red Dead Rickdemption

By Andrew Bridgman / August 12, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Red Dead Rickdemption
In Red Dead Redemption, there's a story mission where you help Bonnie round up some wild horses and at the end you get to break a golden stallion. I named the stallion Rick, and he was the Silver to my Lone Ranger throughout the entire game. I never let Rick out of my sight…even on missions that involved riding in wagons or on the train, I always made sure he was following close behind. I refused to let Rick die and would load a previous save file any time there was an accident, of which there were plenty (he had a propensity to wander into firefights and attract mountain lions). I estimate that I lost around 4-5 hours of gameplay just from backtracking to keep Rick alive. I was LIVID at the end of the game when John helped his family escape on a horse and the horse chosen for the cutscene was just some random mustang and NOT RICK.-Charles

At work, I use Outlook to manage my task list. I red flag anything that needs to be attended to, sort the whole inbox by flagged first, and uncheck it when it's done. I realized today I'm just playing Skyrim with life now.-Garrett

For 8 months I was dieting meaning I ate healthy foods, whole grains, low calories and keeping an eye on my over all intake. My parents thought it was because I was doing it for my health. The real reason was I didn't want to look fat in the Iron Man cosplay I was building for a local con. -Janan

Pwn Up: Pwn
Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Weekly IRL: Best Of "I'm From The Internet" Meme

September 23, 2010

Filed Under   the weekly irl   memes