Articles

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Article The Weekly IRL: Nerdin' Out Hard

By Staff / December 29, 2011


Filed Under   nerds   the weekly irl

Article Terrans Are Inefficient

By Lev Novak / April 27, 2011
  1. Marine

    Okay, Zerglings and Mutalisks coming. With me, Siege tanks, and Missile Turrets? This should be pretty easy.

  2. Siege Tank

    Okay, I'll handle the Zerglings.

  3. Missile Turret

    And I'll handle the Mutalisks!

  4. Marine

    Cool! And I'll…I'll shoot at both.

  5. Siege Tank

    Great. Good deal.

  6. Marine

    Wait. Can't you guys also shoot at both?

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #80

By Kevin Corrigan / June 17, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Fun Pwn My Life Fact:Most of you cried when Ash tried to release Pikachu back into the wild on the Pokemon cartoon. It was the only time many of you have ever cried, and many of you cry every time you watch it.

My wife and I had a son on June 6. The last day in the hospital I was texting a friend, jokingly, about seeing if my son Roddrick wanted to join our Minecraft server. When I logged into Minecraft a few days later, I noticed a new chest in my house with a sign reading "Roddrick's Starter Kit". My friend put full stacks of various items and materials in a single block chest for my son and I. Hands down, one of the best gifts ever. Thanks, Two-Hand.-Andrew

One of my best friends got me manga for my 18th birthday. I have never read any manga, ever. He was so sure I did because apparently I look like someone that reads manga.-Will

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Dorklyst: The 8 Best & Worst Gimmicks In Videogame History

By Andrew Bridgman / August 3, 2012
The Dorklyst: The 8 Best Worst Gimmicks In Videogame History - Image 1

Gimmicks have always been a mainstay of the gaming industry – what better way to separate your game from the rest of the pack than by adding some weird, unique, maybe pointless feature? Sometimes the gimmick adds another layer of depth and makes your game more memorable – other times its annoying, stupid, or just plain bad. These are 8 of the best and worst gimmicks in videogame history.

Best – Sanity Meter (Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem)

Eternal Darkness was doomed from the start – playing as multiple characters (most of whom died grisly deaths no matter what you did), a surreal Lovecraftian plot (ending with ancient gods battling in outerspace while you fought a resurrected Roman centurion), and one of the most mind-bending gimmicks ever introduced into mainstream gaming: the sanity meter.

What it was (for those of you who didn't play, which based on the sales number is pretty much all of you) was your character would gradually go crazy every time they were seen by something…well, crazy. As the meter slipped, weird effects would start taking place – it appeared like there was a fly on your screen, the volume on your TV would lower, your save files would delete themselves. The game didn't see fit to only make the character feel like they were going crazy – they made you feel crazy too. The result was scarier and more immersive than almost any game ever, but most people ignored the game. Remember, developers: purposely trying to screw with gamers' grasp on reality – not the ticket to success.

Article Pwn Up: Woodrow Wilson, Mage Champion

By Andrew Bridgman / April 29, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Woodrow Wilson, Mage Champion - Image 2
Recently, I was taking a U.S. history final exam. One of the essays I had to write was on the U.S.'s role in WWI and the League of Nations. About 5 minutes before I turned my exam in, I realized that I had written League of Legends instead of League of Nations everywhere. I furiously erased as many of them as I could, and replaced them with League of Nations, but I missed one. My teacher was very confused and took a point off, citing that she had searched "League of Legends" on her computer and was disappointed that I had confused them.-Andrew S.

I met my girlfriend by playing Mass Effect 3 multiplayer. I trapped her in the reactor on the Reactor Hazard map (on purpose). She yelled out "YOU TRAPPED ME, YOU TEAM-KILLING F*CKTARD!" I realized the quote since it came from Red vs. Blue, and it was love at that moment. Turns out she lived in the same town as me, we met up and have been happily together ever since. I'd say we're about even on the number of team-kills against each other so far.-WM

I recently moved away from my best friend, who would always come over and have long gaming sessions together. He made the long drive over and after playing a lot of Resident Evil 6, we went to look at his grandfather's old house, which was empty and up for sale. After finding the back door open, we looked through the house – but every time I opened a door, my left trigger finger twitched, to get my gun ready for zombies.-Samuel

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article In the Stands at the Wii Tennis Court

July 28, 2010
  1. Spectator #1

    So, who's playing today?

  2. Spectator #2

    Looks like a pair of identical twins against a different pair of identical twins.

  3. Spectator #1

    Huh. What are the odds, right?

  4. Spectator #2

    Pretty high, actually. I've been watching these matches for years, and it's mostly twins playing against twins.

  5. Spectator #1

    Whoa! Did you see that?

  6. Spectator #2

    What?

  7. Spectator #1

    Each set of twins is swinging in unison! It's… kind of creepy.

  8. Spectator #2

    Well, you know. Tennis is a creepy sport, right?

  9. Spectator #1

    …Maybe. Jeez, these guys aren't very good.

  10. The balls flies into the stands.

  11. Spectator #1

    I mean, what was that?

  12. Spectator #2

    Oh, that's this team's signature play. When the ball's headed to their side, they both swing at the same time, but the front guy misses, so when it gets to the back guy he's still recovering from that first swing and he just kind of flails around wildly. He generally either hits the ball into the stands or misses completely.

Filed Under   conversations   wii

Article Pwn Up: Sonic the Knowledge-Hog

By Andrew Bridgman / July 1, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Sonic the KnowledgeHog
A few days ago, I went to a presentation of a scientific project. It was about medical stuff, and I was distracted and kinda bored. However, at some point I recognized the words "Sonic" and "hedgehog" being said by the doctor, so I quickly looked up at the presentation to confirm that what I heard wasn´t my imagination. It turns out that there's a human protein called Sonic hedgehog and it seemed that I was the only one in the room who notice the reference to certain blue character.-Anonymous

The Lungfish boss fight in Psychonauts caused me to break my $400 TV.-Austin

I was checking out at the convenience shop in my university. The line was long and due to the fact that it was 9:00am, some people were still groggy and grumpy. In spite of this, the cashier was very friendly and nice. She was asking the customers random and sometimes funny questions as she rung them up. When it came to my turn, she asked me

"If you could be the very best at one thing, what would it be?"

"Pokemon training," I answered, without a moment's hesitation.

"Like no one ever was?" she added.

We high-fived.-Christopher

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article 5 Unfair Moves (You Have To Do To Win)

August 16, 2010

1. Excessive Blocking

Why It Sucks When Other People Do It: You have to beat everyone in this room before you're allowed to leave. The first 49 minions of the Dark Bad Power Guy were slain without too much effort, but then this asshole shows up. And blocks. And blocks. Sometime he doesn't NOT block unless you hit him in the back. Too bad he never turns around.
A gimmick like this can turn what should be a simple enemy into a nigh-insurmountable challenge. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when you have 6 nigh-insurmountable challenges surrounding you, all of a sudden Easy Mode starts looking pretty prime.
Why YOU Have To Do It: Part of the fun of platformers is your remarkable prowess. You can take out a room full of enemies if you do it right.
Problem is, just because you can kick copious amounts of ass doesn't mean you can put up with a lot of damage. Hitting a common opponent a dozen times isn't that odd at all, but getting hit a dozen times is always bad news. If you don't block, you die. Plain and simple.
Filed Under   platformers

Article The Dorklyst: 8 of the Greatest Cities in Videogame History

By Sophie Prell / May 19, 2011


Hi there, and thanks for choosing Dorkly Travel. We're your one-stop shop for all fictional fantasy wonderland getaways, tours and those family packages the kids have been begging you for. My name is Sophie Prell, and I'll be your helpful "I swear my enthusiasm is genuine" guide. From your information, I see that you've been looking at some of our city destinations. Well, sit back dear sir/madam, and allow me to fill you in on our top spots.

8) Raccoon City (Resident Evil 2 & 3)


Now I won't lie to you, I'm going to start by showing you some of our bargain packages first. They may not be as appealing as you'd like, but they certainly have character. Well, except this one. Because most everyone there is dead. Oh, and the town was decimated by a nuclear strike. Something about ungodly horrors man was not meant to see. But the radioactive fallout has cleared up a lot since then, prime real estate is very, very available, and the mountains are just lovely in the fall. Plus, the area is littered with miracle weeds that'll cure everything from bites and claw marks (their most common application prior to that whole nuke thing) to cottonmouth and herpes. So you know… that's something.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Best Steam Reviews: Secret of the Magic Crystals

By Andrew Bridgman / March 20, 2014

Best Steam Reviews: Secret of the Magic Crystals

Secret of the Magic Crystals is one of the best reviewed games on Steam - but what is it about this horse-breeding simulator that's struck a nerve in the PC gaming community? Check out some of the reviews and see for yourselves! 

 

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Best Steam Reviews: Secret of the Magic Crystals

 

Best Steam Reviews: Secret of the Magic Crystals