(Page 96)

Article Dr. Mario Isn't a Real Doctor

December 13, 2010
  1. Dr. Mario

    I'm sorry, but your wife has a virus. Well three viruses actually.

  2. Mr. Holdings

    Three viruses?! How is that even possible? What are they?

  3. Dr. Mario

    After much research though it seems she has a red, blue, and yellow virus.

  4. Mr. Holdings

    I'm sorry, what?

  5. Dr. Mario

    We've decided to name the blue virus 'Chill', the red virus 'Fever', and the yellow virus 'Weird'.

  6. Mr. Holdings

    So she has a fever and a chill?

  7. Dr. Mario

    No, no. Those are the names I've given the viruses. The names really have nothing to do with the symptoms that they are causing.

  8. Mr. Holdings

    …Is there another doctor here I can speak to?

Filed Under   conversations   dr. mario

Article The Weekly IRL: Weighted Companion Cube

August 5, 2010

Have a submission for next week's issue? Send pictures to weeklyirl at gmail. Next Issue: Stormtroopers Having Fun.

Filed Under   portal   the weekly irl

Article 6 Posts on Videogame Craigslist

September 14, 2010

Filed Under   craigslist

Article More Minerals

December 15, 2010
  1. Commander

    Okay guys. The Zerg rush is coming faster than we thought. I'm going to need four guys-quick!

  2. Pause.

  3. Commander

    Hello? Guys in the barracks?

  4. Marine

    I won't shoot anyone until I get some minerals.

  5. Commander


  6. Marauder

    Me too! And I want gas.

  7. Commander

    Why do you want-

  8. Marauder

    I require more vespene gas.

  9. Commander

    That makes no sense. And how do you want me to deliver you gas? And why?

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations

Article Arkham Asylum's Guard Trouble

January 12, 2011
  1. Guard

    Mr. Sharp? Can I come in?

  2. Quincy Sharp

    As long as it's quick, we're having a hell of a day here on the Island.

  3. Guard

    That's partly why I'm here. I've been thinking about how we're running the facility, and it just seems kind of dangerous.

  4. Quincy Sharp

    Dangerous? Of course it is. We have the most dangerous criminals in the world on this island. You knew that when you signed up.

  5. Guard

    Well I knew there were some of the most dangerous criminals in the world, but we literally have all of them. Every single dangerous criminal in the world. I was just thinking we could spread them out a little.

  6. Quincy Sharp

    Spread them out?

Filed Under   conversations   batman

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Pac-Men Behaving Badly

February 3, 2011

Filed Under   the weekly irl   pacman

Article The Weekly IRL: Nerdin' Out Hard

By Staff / December 29, 2011

Filed Under   nerds   the weekly irl

Article Terrans Are Inefficient

By Lev Novak / April 27, 2011
  1. Marine

    Okay, Zerglings and Mutalisks coming. With me, Siege tanks, and Missile Turrets? This should be pretty easy.

  2. Siege Tank

    Okay, I'll handle the Zerglings.

  3. Missile Turret

    And I'll handle the Mutalisks!

  4. Marine

    Cool! And I'll…I'll shoot at both.

  5. Siege Tank

    Great. Good deal.

  6. Marine

    Wait. Can't you guys also shoot at both?

Filed Under   starcraft   conversations

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #80

By Kevin Corrigan / June 17, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Fun Pwn My Life Fact:Most of you cried when Ash tried to release Pikachu back into the wild on the Pokemon cartoon. It was the only time many of you have ever cried, and many of you cry every time you watch it.

My wife and I had a son on June 6. The last day in the hospital I was texting a friend, jokingly, about seeing if my son Roddrick wanted to join our Minecraft server. When I logged into Minecraft a few days later, I noticed a new chest in my house with a sign reading "Roddrick's Starter Kit". My friend put full stacks of various items and materials in a single block chest for my son and I. Hands down, one of the best gifts ever. Thanks, Two-Hand.-Andrew

One of my best friends got me manga for my 18th birthday. I have never read any manga, ever. He was so sure I did because apparently I look like someone that reads manga.-Will

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Dorklyst: The 8 Best & Worst Gimmicks In Videogame History

By Andrew Bridgman / August 3, 2012
The Dorklyst: The 8 Best Worst Gimmicks In Videogame History - Image 1

Gimmicks have always been a mainstay of the gaming industry – what better way to separate your game from the rest of the pack than by adding some weird, unique, maybe pointless feature? Sometimes the gimmick adds another layer of depth and makes your game more memorable – other times its annoying, stupid, or just plain bad. These are 8 of the best and worst gimmicks in videogame history.

Best – Sanity Meter (Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem)

Eternal Darkness was doomed from the start – playing as multiple characters (most of whom died grisly deaths no matter what you did), a surreal Lovecraftian plot (ending with ancient gods battling in outerspace while you fought a resurrected Roman centurion), and one of the most mind-bending gimmicks ever introduced into mainstream gaming: the sanity meter.

What it was (for those of you who didn't play, which based on the sales number is pretty much all of you) was your character would gradually go crazy every time they were seen by something…well, crazy. As the meter slipped, weird effects would start taking place – it appeared like there was a fly on your screen, the volume on your TV would lower, your save files would delete themselves. The game didn't see fit to only make the character feel like they were going crazy – they made you feel crazy too. The result was scarier and more immersive than almost any game ever, but most people ignored the game. Remember, developers: purposely trying to screw with gamers' grasp on reality – not the ticket to success.