Articles

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Article The Weekly IRL: 6 Beautiful Covers of Videogame Songs

October 7, 2010



Filed Under   the weekly irl   music

Article How To Get Your Girlfriend To Play Video Games

May 11, 2010

1. Make the night about her-

Order in some food, cuddle up on the couch, hell, light a few candles. For this to work, she's going to need to think this night revolves around her pleasure. The key to success lies in how you introduce the idea. Say the wrong thing and you'll be shutting down before you even hit the power button. Try to speak her language. I suggest something along the lines of:

"I want to share my interests with you so that we can understand each other better." OR "My buddies want me to hang out with them but I'm feeling a little low tonight. Let's stay in and eat junk food and snuggle!"

2. A little booze never hurts-

Of course, I'm not promoting non-consensual gaming. However, a little social lubricant will help to get even the most reluctant girlfriend over her inhibitions and into whatever you two want to play. Just make sure she remembers the whole thing in the morning, else your sorry ass is back to level 1.

Filed Under   Video Game

Article The Weekly IRL: Would You Kindly? (7 Bioshock Pictures)

By Staff / July 14, 2011
Filed Under   the weekly irl   bioshock

Article The Weekly IRL: Videogame Art

October 21, 2010

Filed Under   the weekly irl   art

Article The Dorklyst: 7 of the Greatest One-on-One Battles in Video Game History

By Mark Filipowich / August 10, 2011


All games need conflict. Most of the time the player's objective is blocked by several thousand faceless, nameless mooks throwing themselves in the path of danger with all the fervor of a headless chicken. But behind those mooks lies the antagonist, the figure that has been working against the hero all along. The best rivalry showdowns are between two solitary figures, foils of one another. These are the kinds of rivalries the player waits the entire game (or series) to settle once and for all. Here are some of the best one-on-one showdowns in gaming history.

7. Solid Snake vs. Liquid Snake in Metal Gear Solid


Cut from the same cloth—or rather, grown from the same Petri dish—Solid and Liquid are both clones of the same super-soldier. Liquid Snake was created from all the best aspects of the cold-war hero Big Boss, while Solid Snake was made from the inferior genes of the same man. However, because the American government couldn't justify keeping a soldier with such a sinister British accent on staff, Solid Snake became the series' hero, and the perfect-on-paper Liquid was kept from his birthright. Believing himself to be the genetically weak twin, Liquid's inferiority complex drives him to do what any of us would, take over a secret Alaskan military base and hijack a doomsday device.

Snake (the solid one) must wind his way through Liquid's facility, defeat an animal-themed squad of super soldiers and disarm Metal Gear, a nuclear-powered robot T-Rex (did I mention this was a Japanese game?). But before Snake can hang up his skin-tight rubber jumpsuit and call it a night, the two rivals settle their dispute the way they both knew they inevitably had to: a man-to-man fist-fight on the head of a metallic dinosaur's corpse. Never change, Japan.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article The Dorklyst: The 20 Worst Commercials In Videogame History

By Andrew Bridgman / August 10, 2012
The Dorklyst: The 20 Worst Commercials In Videogame History - Image 1

Videogame advertising should be almost impossibly simple: all anyone needs to hear is that it's a videogame, it's fun to play, and…that's it. "Videogames are fun, you should buy this one because look how fun it is!" Nothing more is necessary. But maybe it's because of the utter simplicity needed that marketing for videogames gets so weird – to set your videogame apart, maybe the ad should be a surreal journey into a bizarre, trippy, nonsensical world?

The answer to that question is "no, really you shouldn't do that, that's just confusing", but don't tell the gaming industry that, because they're pretty committed to it. Here are the worst videogame commercials of all-time.

20. Sega CD

You know when you're watching TV and a guy comes on and starts berating you about something and you have an IQ of 35 so you're incapable of speaking other than grunts and…well, relatability is probably not the goal here. The goal is to show how the weird, bad graphics of the Sega CD will cause a wind tunnel in your home and briefly turn you into a skeleton and finally turn you into the Joker. "Sega CD" is a pretty disappointing answer to how he got those scars.

Filed Under   sony   Sega   nintendo   the dorklyst   commercials   microsoft

Article More Than Mario Bargained For

October 20, 2010
  1. Toad

    Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle!

  2. Mario

    Well, okay-wait, what?

  3. Toad

    Another-

  4. Mario

    Another castle? You mean there's more than one castle?

  5. Toad

  6. Mario

    Because a castle is a pretty big deal. I was all "well, here's the castle! And a boss battle! Game over". Seemed pretty final.

  7. Toad

    We have a lot of castles.

  8. Mario

    What kind of housing market exclusively has castles? And I have to return Princess Peach to her castle…

  9. Toad

    Everyone has a castle!

  10. Mario

    Not me. I live in Brooklyn. Luigi sometimes goes hungry.

  11. Toad

    Only Luigi?

Filed Under   conversations   mario

Article Pwn Up: Con Artists

By Jake Young / November 25, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

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One of my most memorable moments of any Convention to date would of been last year, when me and my friends were waiting for an elevator that seemed to take forever to get to our floor. Finally, it opens up to reveal a full-suited Batman doing Gangnam Style in the elevator with a Cookie Monster underneath. The sheer randomness and unexpected act made me laugh, while my other friends were too shocked to even react. It was one of those moments where you had to be there to fully enjoy it, but I'll never forget the grin on Batman's face as he danced. Oh, how he danced. 

 

 

 - Pash

 

Filed Under   cosplay   smash bros   pwn my life   comic-con   conventions   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Is That a 3DS In Your Pants?

By Andrew Bridgman / May 6, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: The Pwn - Image 2
Yesterday I had to dress nicely for a photoshoot my school was doing to send out to various camps I will be working at this summer. As any other normal day, I carried my 3DS in my pocket unaware of it's pronounced outline in my dress pants. I just got the photos back and in every photo you can see a large rectangle on the front of my pants.-Jeffrey

My wife just gave birth to our first child. We've certainly had some nerdy moments throughout this.

  1. Our music playlist. At the facility, we were allowed to bring in our own music players with playlists to help the mothers relax and get through labor. Of the small playlist we selected, some of the tunes were mixes from Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger, and Kingdom Hearts.
  2. We had a doula, a woman that acts as an assistant during the pregnancy and birth. Towards the end of the labor, my wife does the expected "Please, make this stop" and "I can't do this anymore" and my job was to keep encouraging her. "This will be a triumph…" I said. The doula chimes in, "Yes, it will!" I say, "We're going to make a note here, this will be a huge success." Again, the doula agrees, oblivious that I was working my way through Still Alive. My wife was looking at me the whole time, going "Smartass…"
  3. Being the mother, she had priority in choosing the first name, Stephan, a tribute to her late sister, Stephanie. I got to choose the middle name. I wanted to go with Sabin, from Final Fantasy 6, but we're in Louisiana, and everybody would think we were honoring LSU's head coach Sabine. Almost went with Balthier, but I wasn't that attached to FFXII. So we welcomed Stephan Auron Hand into the world.
-Bob

Around the beginning of March, I found myself bored with the lack of interesting games being released. I decided that I'd make it my goal to beat every Final Fantasy made for the traditional consoles (SNES, PS1, PS2, etc.) I was so excited about this idea that I told my friend, who is a Final Fantasy fanatic, about it. Not only did he think it was a great idea, but he also decided take on the exact same task I set for myself. He now has his own personal gaming closet in my apartment. He comes over every other day, even if I'm not home; opens the closet and starts playing away. We now spend our nights lounging in chairs and playing Final Fantasy on two screens, and in no way is that depressing.-Adam

Pwn Up: The Pwn - Image 1
Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Virtual Shackles: Made This Way

By Virtual Shackles / June 20, 2011


See more by Virtual Shackles!

Filed Under   virtual shackles