So you want to make video games. Who wouldn't? It must be amazing creating new e-narratives and cyber stories. Working with a team of talented artists and programmers and probably Jennifer Hale, giving fans hours of joy, what could be better?
Anything. Literally anything could be better than working in video games. Despite its self-glamorization as a cool wolf pack having fun, wolf-packing around, the video game industry is serious business. And like any serious business, the people who make that serious business work are more or less interchangeable parts in a horrible machine of sadness. Don't believe me? List time!
7. You Won't Work On A Game You Like
Every video game is made by a group of people with their own hopes, dreams, and families. A lot of them are nice folks who are super excited to be part of the industry that shaped their childhood. So when you make your hilarious YouTube video mocking the shovelware in a Best Buy, try to remember that decent, mother-born humans were forced to create that Dora the Explorer game. And since around 90 to 99.9999% of games are total crap, you'll probably also be forced to make that Dora the Explorer game. Especially at the entry level, which in the video games means "the rest of your life."
Even if you're lucky enough to land that dream job at Valve or Nintendo or Blizzard, and you get to work on a beloved franchise, you'll hate it when you're done. Try enjoying Halo after you get reprimanded for slightly coloring Master Chief's helmet off the style guide. You won't. The magic will be gone: An endless universe filled with infinite stories will be replaced by a group of bug logs reporting that Nathan Drake's eyes are missing in cut scenes.
6. You'll Be Expected To Move Far, Far Away
When Silent Hill Downpour lead designer Brian Gomez left the project this month, he said "I couldn't keep making the commute between Los Angeles and Brno for another 4-6 months." What a wuss! Just buy an audio book and suck it up, right?
Except that Brno isn't some suburb a traffic jam away from Los Angeles. It's in the Czech Republic. Because Brian Gomez is such a talented and in-demand designer, he was expected to spend the majority of his time in a country that's not the country where his wife and children live.
He's not the only one: job listings for video game companies often ask if applicants are willing to leave America. And stop getting excited, thinking it means you'll be shooting movies in the luscious hills of New Zealand. It just means you'll have to do your 18-hour programming day somewhere the one person willing to have sex with you isn't. Usually Poland.
The life of a Pokemon is not a good one: they wander aimlessly in the grass, the desert, and the sea, attacking literally anything that comes by. Inevitably, they will be brutally beaten and captured by a trainer, who will keep them in a tiny ball or trapped in some PC ("Bill's PC", or "Whatever PC" in later vesions). Then, if they're lucky enough to escape their Tron-esque digital nightmare world, they will occasionally be trotted out to battle other Pokemon where they will be burnt, frozen, paralyzed, poisoned, and a million other horrible things all so some loser trainer can win some badges. But, even among Pokemon, some are far more miserable than the others. They actually have lives that are significantly worse. Here are the 10 most miserable creatures in Pokemon.
"It has a soft and bouncy body. Once it starts bouncing, it becomes impossible to stop." (Pokemon Diamond)
Igglybuff looks like the happiest, most joy-filled Pokemon creature ever. And it very well might be! For the precious few moments of its life when it's still, that is. Because the second it bounces, that's it it bounces forever. It's entire life is constant, perpetual motion in total defiance of Newton's laws that is wholly unstoppable, like some terrible amusement park ride that never ends. Plus, its name is Igglybuff and it's a weaker version of Jigglypuff. It doesn't get much worse than that.
Metroid (Metroid Cocktail)
Ingredients:1/2 shot Bacardi Big Apple Rum1/2 shot Coconut Rum1/2 glass Kiwi Strawberry Minute Maid (or Kool-Aid)A little less than 1/2 a glass Sprite3 Strawberries
Directions: Shake the two rums and Kiwi Strawberry Minute Maid and pour into a lowball glass. Add the Sprite for a bit of flavor and carbonation. Drop in three strawberries as a garnish. If you choose, you can use your ice beam freezer to cool the alcohol before you make the drink.
Sonic the Hedgehog (Sonic the Hedgehog shot)
Ingredients:1 part grenadine2 parts Menthomint Schnapps4 parts Blue Curacao
Directions: Pour in the grenadine first. Then layer the Mentholmint schnapps and Blue Curacao on top, in that order. Take it down faster than the Blue Blur himself.
Article The 8 Types of Sims Players
There is a clear temptation when you begin playing The Sims to simply make yourself and recreate the world around you. After all, you know yourself, but wouldn't it be great to see how a virtual version of you would react to a world where you're your own god? You can make yourself, your one bedroom apartment, and see how Virtual You compares to Real You. Can Virtual You get a job in politics by babbling in front of a mirror and telling gibberish jokes to random passers-by? Because that didn't work out so well for Real You.