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Article 5 Quotes From Star Wars That Are Total Lies

By Andrew Bridgman / July 3, 2013

Mos Eisley is a sorta scummy place, I guess – there are some rough characters there who would pull a blaster on you at the drop of a hat (not noble hero Han Solo though. No, he would only pull a blaster to defend himself). However, Obi-Wan telling Luke he would never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy was more than a little disingenuous, considering there's a FAR more wretched hive of scum and villainy located ON THE SAME PLANET.

That's right – Jabba's palace, a hive that's 20 times more wretched and scummy and villainous. There's a fat slug guy who keeps a human being frozen in carbonite as a conversation piece, regularly abuses his slaves, and has no problem feeding his servants to the giant cave monster who lives in his basement. Also, his idea of a good time is throwing people into a toothy sphincter in the middle of the desert.

Compared to that, the Mos Eisley Spaceport is practically a neighborhood Applebee's.

Filed Under   star wars

Article The Best Quotes From Frank Underwood, Pokemon Champion

By Andrew Bridgman / February 19, 2014

The Best Quotes From Frank Underwood, Pokemon Champion


The Best Quotes From Frank Underwood, Pokemon Champion

Filed Under   TV   pokemon   house of cards   frank underwood

Article IRL RPG: Asking Someone Out

December 10, 2010


Filed Under   RPG   irl   irl rpg

Article The Conversation That Takes Place After Every Marvel Movie

By Andrew Bridgman / March 22, 2014

   The Conversation That Takes Place After Every Marvel Movie


  1. You

    Oh man. OH MAN, that was great.

  2. Significant Other

    Yeah, that was pretty good. Anyways, let's go, I gotta go pee -

  3. You


  4. S.O.

    Oh right - the post-credits scene.

  5. [baffling and context-free post-credits scene plays]
  6. S.O.

    Wait - huh? What was that? Was that Benicio del Toro in a wig in a swamp science lab?

  7. You


  8. S.O.

    Okay. Well, that was something. Anyways, can we go now? I gotta go to the bathroo-

  9. You


  10. S.O.

    But...but we saw the post-credits scene. We're not gonna sit through the crazy-long credits too, are we? Are you saying there's a POST-post-credits scene?

  11. [You nod furiously]
  12. S.O.



Filed Under   marvel   conversations

Article 5 Games That Actually Prove How Messed Up Kids Are

By Andrew Bridgman / October 17, 2013

5 Games That Actually Prove How Messed Up Kids Are

With the release of Grand Theft Auto V, people are more concerned than ever about the effects of children taking part in acts of virtual violence. There's a few problems with this worry, though: firstly, GTA V is rated M, and is absolutely not intended for children. Secondly, GTA V forces you to commit acts of violence. It encourages and rewards brutalizing and murdering your fellow man. What really reveals bad behavior in kids are when they lash out violently in games intended for them that don't reward such behavior. Here are the gaming acts of violence parents should have really been worried about.


1. Drowning and Starving People in The Sims

5 Games That Actually Prove How Messed Up Kids Are

The Sims was about life - the mundanities, the joys, accidentally memorizing certain Simlish phrases, everything. So, naturally, the most popular things to do in The Sims revolved around torture and death. There are a lot of ways for your poor, jibberish-spouting, unable-to-walk-around-a-plate Sims to die, but some of the most well-known ways required the active involvement of a player:

  • Removing the ladders from the swimming pool is probably the most repeated throughout the internet - the act forced your Sim to swim around aimlessly, getting stronger and stronger, until they tired out and drowned. It was so prevalent that the developers added the ability for Sims to climb out of the pool without a ladder in The Sims 3. Players responded by figuring out you could just build walls around the pool and they could re-live their Dexter-esque glory days.

  • The other way was to build walls around a Sim, trapping them and cutting them off from food, until they starved while soaking in their own urine. Their own blue urine.

No Sim, no matter how many times they fall asleep on the front lawn or refuse to clean up their messes, deserves to go like that. At least give them the dignity of burning to death after trying to cook mac 'n cheese.

Filed Under   the sims   oregon trail   violence

Article The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries in the Pokemon World

By Andrew Bridgman / October 24, 2013

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries in the Pokemon World


15. Kadabra

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

It happened one morning - a boy with extrasensory powers awoke in bed transformed into Kadabra. (FireRed)

I don't think there's anything more horrifying than this truly Kafka-esque nightmare scenario: a kid falls asleep only to wake up to discover that he's turned into a Pokemon. A Pokemon that is bound to be captured by other humans (unaware they're training someone's child) to fight against random monster-animals. But most horrifying of all - he's been transformed into a middle-evolution. That means one of two things:

  1. All Abras are horribly-deformed human children, and when it evolves into Kadabra, it has gone to sleep and awoken a monster.
  2. Every single Kadabra is a human child, who has somehow switched places with Abras, who have taken over the child's human bodies.

And - perhaps most terrifying of all - unless the child/Kadabra is traded, he will never evolve and get that additional spoon.

Filed Under   pokemon

Article Marvel Movies and DC Movies Are Almost the Same

By Andrew Bridgman / August 27, 2013

Filed Under   marvel   movies   comics   batman   iron man   dc

Article Fire and Grass: 20 Pieces of Pokemon Paraphernalia

By Jake Young / January 7, 2014

Grass and Fire: 20 Pieces of Pokemon Smoking Paraphernalia  

Apropos of nothing, here's a list of grass-type moves that sound like marijuana strains:

  • Cotton Guard
  • Forest's Curse
  • Stun Spore
  • Worry Seed
  • Magical Leaf
  • Frenzy Plant
  • Energy Ball
  • Aromatherapy 


Filed Under   drugs   pikachu   wtf   pokemon   crafts   pipes   bongs

Article The Dorklyst: The 10 Most Depressing Endings in Videogame History

By Dan Angelucci / May 10, 2011

Any game worth playing takes many hours out of your life, and after investing all that time, you want to feel rewarded. The most satisfying reward is a happy ending for your character, but some brassy-balled developers have figured out ways to depress the player without disappointing them. Here are the ten most depressing endings to videogames.

10. Sonic Adventure 2

At the climax of the Dreamcast classic-via-nostalgia-but-not-when-you-actually-play-it-again Sonic Adventure 2, the dark hedgehog Shadow falls to earth from space, sacrificing himself to save the world. I feel obligated to include this on the list, as killing a main character does qualify as a sad ending, but I would never put it any higher than this – if you're at all like me, the less Sonic characters there are from after 1994, the better. I just remembered Big the Cat exists, and it nearly ruined my day.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article Gamebook: 6 Fallout Status Updates

November 4, 2010

Have a game you want to see in a Gamebook? Let us know at the Dorkly Facebook page!

Filed Under   facebook   fallout   gamebook