Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Your SoulSilver Is Mine

By Andrew Bridgman / July 13, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Pokemon SoulSilver - Image 3
There was a 14 hour black out on my street a few days ago. I thought I would pass the time playing Final Fantasy 1 on my iPhone, but it died. I decided to try to find my old GBA (even though it had not worked in years) – when I found it (as expected), it would not turn on. I said to myself silently, "I'd sell my soul to Satan for this thing to work so I can play Pokemon." Then tried again. It worked. At first I was terrified, until I realized Satan is just like me…trying to catch 'em all.-Larry

I've recently started working out. I tell everyone I'm getting in shape for my brother's wedding in September, which is partially true, but I'm more trying to lose weight so I can dress up as the 10th Doctor for a Renaissance fair two weeks after it.-Anonymous

My sister has two friends named Jake, one is a geek the other is not. She had gotten a text from one of the Jakes saying "These patches are ridiculous." I automatically assumed it was the geeky Jake, and I also assumed he had just gotten Diablo 3 (this was right around when it came out), so I said "What does he expect? The game just came out a few days ago!" My sister just stared at me with a blank look on her face before asking me what the hell I was talking about. I said, "Uh, he is talking about Diablo 3 right?" She just bursts out laughing and says "No, he's trying to put on Icy Hot patches!"-Allen

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Stay Sharpedo

By Andrew Bridgman / September 14, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: For Real - Image 2
As a toddler, my younger brother decided he wanted to play videogames like me so it became a daily "chore" to play Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time for him while he "played" on an upside-down, unplugged controller. At age 4 he started playing for real and before his 5th birthday beat the Ocarina of Time. By age 7, he was better at videogames than I was. It's tough being a high schooler getting schooled by a 2nd grader.-Terisa

I was playing a game of Trivial Pursuit with my mom about a week ago and I was asked a question along these lines: "The skin of which animal has been often used as sandpaper?" The answer was a shark, and the only way I got it right was by remembering that Sharpedo from Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire had the rough skin ability.-Ryan L.

I've been playing Sleeping Dog non-stop, and being that the game takes place in Hong Kong, whenever you have to drive a car you have to drive on the left side of the street. So doing that for a couple of days, I guess my brain seem to now think that was the norm. I got into my car to run to the store I ended up drive on the wrong side of the road and nearly crashing my car. So for now on I'm only playing game based in the U.S.-Jovan

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article The Top 20 Dorkly Bits of 2011 (#11-20)

By Staff / December 29, 2011

20. Mistaken Hero Identities



19. Link's Death

Filed Under   best of 2011

Article Pwn Up: Doom 2: H-E-Double Hockey Sticks On Earth

By Andrew Bridgman / November 30, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Doom 2: HEDouble Hockey Sticks On Earth - Image 1
When I was around 2-3 years old, my mom became obsessed with playing Super Mario Bros. 3 and I would sit with her and watch her for hours. Apparently one day, while my mom's best friend was babysitting me, I was watching her son play Super Mario Bros 3. After a while, my babysitter heard me yell, "Oh look! It's the f*cking ship!" When she told my mom what had happened my mom was shocked – apparently my mother got so involved in that game she forgot to watch her mouth around her young daughter. She never played that game again – instead, we moved onto Super Mario World.-Jen

I was messaging a girl when she said she needed help getting through the Lost Woods in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I told her the right directions, from memory. I never even had to memorize that path, because I just listened to the music.-Ben

I was visiting a school with a friend earlier this month – we were just standing around when a kid walked up to me and pointed to my GameBoy shirt and said "You could've bought a real DS with the same money you used to buy that DS Shirt". I was offended on a couple levels, but it didn't hit me until much later that he thought a t-shirt cost the same amount as a portable system. That probably should have been the first reaction.-Connor

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Issue #85

By Kevin Corrigan / July 22, 2011

That's right. Pwn My Life is called Pwn Up now. Because we think that makes more sense. Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

You can tell my girlfriend and I are nerds because we play World of Warcraft together. You can tell that we are huge nerds because she complains to her friends that we don't have enough in-game time together.-Anonymous

Over the many years I've been playing WoW, I've tried to get three of my girlfriends to play with me. They all would dabble and then leave me. The only woman who still plays WoW with me is my mom.-Ben

When I was 15, my friends and I invented our own version of blitz ball. We used one of those big balls that are in the cages in retail stores. It had a plastic pin you could remove and we filled the ball up with water. Every day in the summer after Final Fantasy X came out, we would play blitz ball in the deep end of a pool. The opposite walls were the goals and we played with teams of 2-4. You were able to pass the ball underwater and everything.-Andy

My senior year of high school I worked mainly so I could buy black market DBZ VHS tapes and other DBZ collectibles on Yahoo auctions.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: Elegy of Nerdiness

By Andrew Bridgman / January 18, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Elegy of Nerdiness - Image 1
When my brother and I were little, our parents would send us to bed early and interrupt our gaming sessions. We did not approve of this, so often we would wait until our parents went to sleep at the other end of the house before we got up and played again. I have fond memories of things such as beating Sonic Adventure: DX on the Gamecube right around dawn. And always with the sound off. I missed out on some great music just to ensure my parents never woke up.-Mitchell

I was taking the SAT and on one of the questions asked me to define the word "elegy." I guessed the answer was "a mournful song or poem, usually relating to death", thanks to the Elegy of Emptiness. Thanks for getting me into college, Majora's Mask.-Jason

After Pokemon X & Y were announced, I got so excited that I decided to go out and buy a used copy of Pokemon Diamond, the only generation I still hadn't played yet. When I booted up the game, the old save file showed a playtime of 115 hours, and a Pokedex count of 493. That's every single Pokemon in the game up to that generation. And to top it off, the person named their character Dawn, keeping it true to the original.

I sat there for ten minutes, unable to bring myself to erase such a magnificent save file. The thought of it made me feel so guilty, I even contemplated returning the cartridge to the store and getting a different one. But I finally pulled the plug. I erased the old data and started a new game, and as a memorial to the old owner, I named my character Dawn.-Kevin

Filed Under   pwn my life   sonic   pwn up

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #22

August 19, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

It annoyed me that that Dan guy said "Megaball" instead of "Master Ball," and "MewToo" instead of "Mewtwo" in the last issue.-Everyone. Get over it.

A few years ago I decided to start playing Maplestory again, but my friend had taken my account and changed the password. When I contacted the GM's, they refused to give me my password so I wrote to them, "You won't give me my password. I'm so depressed that I cannot go on living. I'm going to kill myself." Never thought much of it, until three weeks later when the cops and an ambulance showed up at my door asking if I was alive or depressed. -Cory

Some guy in the 7-11 parking lot just yelled at me for looking at his girlfriend's chest. I wasn't. I was so upset that 7-11 was out of WWE Slurpee cups that checking out women was the least of my concerns.-Sean

My GF and I decided it would be good to take a step backwards and move out after living together for a while. After living apart for two and half months, we both decided it would be better if I moved back in. We tell people that we have learned how to appreciate one another by living apart. The real reason is that I don't have a computer that runs WoW, and her back up computer works great. She and I decided that living together would be better for our WoW characters.-Jan

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: The Elder Pwns: Skyrim

By Kevin Corrigan / November 18, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

As it turns out, Wal-Mart did not have a midnight release for Skyrim.-Vash

I'm a Fedex driver. When I get packages with videogames in them I deliver them early.-radarorly

I was probably hit the hardest in my county by the freak East Coast snowstorm this October. A branch hit the power line outside my house, then some idiot hit it and dragged the line and my meter box through my front yard. I'm still without power due to the bureaucracy of installing a new meter box and getting it inspected. Needless to say, the release of Skyrim made the situation much more dire. Today I asked a neighbor if I could do laundry at their house. They said yes, and that they'd be out of the house for a few hours. In light of this, I dragged a 32 inch LED monitor and my desktop to their house. Hope they don't mind when they get home.-Styger

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Nerd-o-Vision: Bathroom

June 21, 2010

Things look a little different when you're a nerd…

Filed Under   nerd-o-vision

Article Mayor Haggar's Press Conference

May 28, 2010
  1. Mayor Haggar

    Good afternoon. Lets just get in to it. First question; Daily Reporter.

  2. REPORTER

    Hi, yeah, Mayor Haggar, why are you not wearing a shirt?

  3. Mayor Haggar

    Because I wasn't born wearing a shirt, and I'll die not wearing one. Next question, from the Sun Times.

  4. TIMES

    Don't you think you should wear a shirt to a press conference?

  5. Mayor Haggar

    Oh, THANK YOU, Clinton Kelly! No, I don't. My exploding pecs and rugged core will make the scum of our town behave the same way teenagers do at Confession – cowering fear, and occasional soiled pants.

  6. TIMES

    Isn't that what the police force is for?

  7. Mayor Haggar

    Excellent question, nerd, which brings me to my main topic – effective immediately, I'm disbanding the city's police force.

  8. TIMES

    WHAT? WHY?

  9. Mayor Haggar

    Much like the producers of Dukes of Hazzard, I have a better group that can accomplish the same goal. Unlike the producers of Dukes of Hazzard, this plan will work. So from here on out, the criminal element will be handled by me and these two teenagers. Guy and Cody, come on out!

  10. Cody and Guy walk on stage. The press is in a flurry.

  11. POST

    Sir, from the Post. What makes these guys better than an entire police force?

  12. Mayor Haggar

    They're good at karate.

  13. POST

    That's it? They're good at karate?