Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Cartoon Dad

By Kevin Corrigan / March 30, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Cartoon Dad - Image 1

In high school, I played World of Warcraft with three friends (circa vanilla). Every weekend we would get together and get smashed while farming for the best blue pieces. Back then blues actually mattered. One night, a member of our group revealed that he knew a guy on our server who happened to be related to a top dog at Domino's pizza. We farmed up as much gold as we could before Domino's was closing, then we traded it all to him in exchange for a large pizza and cheese stick delivery. It probably wasn't worth the time we put into it.-Anonymous

When my friend wants a booty call, she asks me to come over to play Mario 3 on her NES. To be fair, we usually do end up beating the game before we hook up.-D.T.

When I was 7, I was watching my cousin play Super Mario Bros. He sucked and time was running out. I had never seen time run out before. I started to panic. I didn't know what would happen. I tried to grab the controller, but my cousin played keep away. Then my older brother joined in and pinned me down. I was forced to watch in horror as the timer dropped. I flailed my arms, kicked, cried crocodile tears and screamed as I waited for the Nintendo to explode. I escaped with five seconds left on the time and ripped the Nintendo, cords and all, out of the wall. I'm 24 now, and my family still hasn't let me live this down.-Brent

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #29

September 16, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I started playing Magic: the Gathering to quit smoking cigarettes. Every time I have the urge to buy cigarettes, I buy a booster pack instead. It's working.-Karl

My girlfriend and I's six month anniversary was the same day that Halo Reach came out. I acted progressively sicker leading up to it, so it'd be more believable when I told her I'd have to stay home on our anniversary.-Sam

I'm currently deciding between learning Klingon or Quenya (LOTR's elvish). I'll probably learn them both, but I can't decide which one to learn first.-Lenin

While working in the Home Depot garden department, a woman with a thick accent asked me where she could find squirrel killer. Her accent was so thick that I heard Squirtle killer. I sent her to electrical.-Zak

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #60

January 21, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I was in 2nd grade and playing Final Fantasy 3. My mom had a friend over, and her son who was in 1st grade. I was so excited to show him how cool FF3 was! I showed him the game and he kept calling Shadow a "stupid farty-pants" and insisted that Shadow kept farting. I couldn't take it. Was he kidding me? Shadow? I decked him right in the face. In an instant, I realized I was going to be in deep shit and tried to bribe him to not tell. He told. My mom was pissed, however my older and cooler 5th grade neighbor thought I was the man.-Ryan

When I went to watch the latest Harry Potter movie with my girlfriend, she cried when Dobby died. I cried when I saw the Green Lantern trailer.-Ty

I once spent 20 minutes on the phone with the Nintendo help line because I couldn't get to the sound test in Kirby 64. I wanted to listen to the "Gourmet Race" theme.-Dan

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Lesser-Known "Creative Works" of Shia Labeouf

By Jake Young / December 18, 2013

Shia Labeouf is a famous actor best known for his roles as "not the worst thing in those movies everybody hates". But now he has become the center of a PR maelstrom after his short film "HowardCantour.com" was revealed to have been plagiarized. The film borrows heavily from a comic by Daniel Clowes, one of the most respected luminaries in the world of independant comics. Without any attribution or acknowledgement, Shia took dialogue, imagery, and compositions directly from the comic. And even though Mr. Labeouf issued an apology (which itself turned out to be plagiarized) over twitter, this can't be the end. 

 

In an exclusive find, our crack team of researchers has found promo materials for earlier Shia Labeouf films and we fear he may have  stolen from other famous graphic novelists as well. 

 

See for yourself:

 

The LesserKnown Creative Works of Shia Labeouf

Filed Under   scott pilgrim   comics   shia labeouf   indie comics

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #21

October 12, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

(While playing Halo 3)Guy 1: "Halo 3 is alright… BUT Halo 2 was THEE game."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better.."Guy 2: "But Halo 3 is still good."Guy 1: "But Halo 2 was better."(This went on for a good 10 minutes longer, neither of them ever raised their voices.)-Jeff B.

Shortly after the care package glitch (which allowed you to get unlimited care packages by climbing over a barrier) was fixed in MW2, my friends and I came up with a brilliant plan. So our whole team slapped on care packages, sentry guns, and emergency air drops for our kill streaks, went into some hardcore HQ and saved them up until the end of the match. When there was five minutes or so left in the game, we pretended to do the care package glitch, dropping everything at once. Needless to say, we got some little kid to ask how we managed to do that and we told him that we just care package glitched. He proceeded to tell us that they had patched it at which point I responded that all you had to do was lift your Xbox up and give it "one good shake" as you were going over the barrier because it would read from your disc then and not from the patch on your hard drive. He was hesitant at first, but several days later he contacted me to try to figure out how to do it, so I went into a private match, invited him to party chat, and let him kill me four times. As he's going over the barrier, I hear him say "It says the disc is unreadable." By switching my mic off and on for burst of laughter, I was able to make it sound like he was the one who messed up instead of me just getting him to scratch his disc. To this day, he still thinks he just shook his Xbox too hard.-JC

I was playing MW2 and started talking with this dad who was playing with his son. Here's a sample of the gold they were spewing the whole time we played together:Kid: Are you from Texas?Me: No. Texas sucks.Kid: No it doesn't! I'm going to go to college in Texas!Dad: You need to worry about passing the sixth f*cking grade dipsh*t.After the kid died, he cussed at the guy who killed him. The dad replies, "He's just a product of bad parenting. Mostly his mother."-Danton

Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article NBA Jam Rookie

December 8, 2010
  1. Rookie

    Oh wow! The NBA!

  2. Veteran

    Yup. This is the big time.

  3. Rookie

    Wow. Maybe one day I can be the new Michael Jordan.

  4. Veteran

    Who?

  5. Rookie

    Michael Jordan. Best basketball player of all time. Ring a bell?

  6. Veteran

    Never heard of him. I think you're thinking of Scottie Pippen.

  7. Rookie

    So, anything I need to know?

  8. Veteran

    Just your typical 2 on 2.

  9. Rookie

    I'm pretty sure that's not how pro basketball works.

  10. Veteran

    And how are your 30-foot high backwards dunks?

Filed Under   conversations   nba jam

Article 7 Easy Steps To Making Your Own Darth Vader Cosplay!

By Staff / April 12, 2014

1. Gather Up All The Necessary Materials

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2. Succumb to the Tempting Nature of Power

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Filed Under   cosplay   fan art expo   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article The Top 20 Dorkly Bits of 2011 (#11-20)

By Staff / December 29, 2011

20. Mistaken Hero Identities



19. Link's Death

Filed Under   best of 2011

Article Pwn Up: It Gets Nerdier

By Kevin Corrigan / January 6, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I couldn't drink or go out at all this New Years. I was stuck in my apartment on intravenous drug treatments. Instead, I set up my own pub crawl through Skyrim. I went from tavern to tavern, from hold to hold. I managed to blackout and wake up in a brand new city in a temple I apparently trashed. I'm wondering if I can make real Nord mead for next year and do it in real life.-Anonymous

My husband and I tried for almost three years for me to get pregnant. It gave us plenty of time to discuss names. We decided we wanted our boy to be named after two animes we love. Well, it looks like the world will soon meet Jiriaya Elric.-Dani M.

You get a companion named Lydia in Skyrim. Lydia also happens to be the name of my ex. The break-up hurt me quite a bit. In retribution, I blew her off of the Throat of the World using my unrelenting force voice power.-Anonymous

A month ago, I went to my girlfriend's country house. Her uncle let me ride a horse. When I was comfortable enough, I picked up a stick, road one-handed and yelled "For the middle Earth and for Frodo!" That freaked the horse out. It ran to it's crib, which I smacked my head on. My girlfriend's uncle and brothers had to drag me out.-Hendrys

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: The Year of the Pwn

By Andrew Bridgman / January 4, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

My aunt sent me a text asking if I wanted "HALO cry Vegas" for Christmas.-Nick


When I graduated, I took my diploma, held in the air in front of everyone and sung out-loud the "Zelda: found item" song clip.-Brett

Pwn Up: - Image 2

No matter what I do in my life, I feel that my greatest achievement will always be in Paper Mario: the Thousand Year Door when I beat the Pit of 100 Trials before I had beaten Chapter 1.-Riley M.

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up