Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Bloody Christmas

By Andrew Bridgman / July 22, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Bloody Christmas
I ate almost nothing but ramen for two weeks straight so I would have enough money to afford to go on a spending spree in the most recent Steam Summer Sale. I'm hungry and not feeling well, but it's all worth it for my newly expanded Steam library.-Devon

I started a new Fallout 3 game not too long ago, planning to take a more evil route. My first order of business was to blow up Megaton. At first I got a little apprehensive, thinking I could blow it up and then revert to a previous save. But when it came time to do it, I couldn't bring myself to hurting the good people of Megaton, not even if I could immediately undo it.

I thought this proved what a good person I was. Then I remembered I had no problem at all killing Butch and his mom back in the vault.-Anonymous

I was in the 3rd grade when Pokemon Red/Blue came out. After months and months of harassing my parents, I was finally successful in explaining that Pokemon Blue was probably the only thing in the world I care about when it came down to Christmas presents. My parents would always leave out a few presents unwrapped around the tree for my two sisters and I to entertain ourselves while they slept.

At about 4am, after knowing that this would be the time I would finally get the game. I snuck into to the living room and there it was: a Game Boy Color and Pokemon Blue. As my tiny 3rd grade hands attempt to open everything, I realized I needed scissors. This resulted in me slicing my thumb right open. I covered it with paper towel, picked Squirtle and got on with my adventures. My mom woke up a few hours later, horrified to find my hand and clothes spattered with blood as I stared intently at the tiny screen.-Brad

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Family Games Night

By Jake Young / January 27, 2014

If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail

 

Pwn Up: Family Games Night

 

 

A couple of weeks before Mass Effect 3 was released here in the UK, I decided to play through the entire Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2 in preparation. It came to the day before ME3 release and all I had to do was the Collector's Base at the end of ME2. I must have only spent an hour or so on it, but I got really engrossed in it. When I finally finished it and the credits were rolling, I looked at my phone and saw 13 missed calls from my brother.

It turns out his wife had gone into labour and he had been calling me, so that I could drive them to the hospital, as per our agreement a week or so before. In the end, he'd given up and called a taxi. I felt so bad that I paid them for the taxi fair, and also took them out to dinner once they were comfortable enough to leave the baby at my parent's for an evening.

 

At the dinner, when we were finally alone together for the first time since the incident, he asked what I'd been doing that had gotten me so engrossed that I missed all 13 calls. So I loaned him Mass Effect and he's now as addicted as me...I don't think my sister-in-law is very happy with me at the moment. But oh well. Brotherly bonding FTW.

 

-Matt

Filed Under   pwn my life   gamers   family   pwn up

Article Issue #4

May 17, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to areyouafraidofthedork@gmail.com!

When I was 10, I tried to clone an Aerodactyl on Pokemon Blue using the trading method. On the other end of the trade was a "sacrifice Hypno" to be replaced by the clone. The trade went wrong, and the Aerodactyl died in the link cable. I ended up with two Hypnos.-Anonymous

About an hour into playing Ocarina of Time, my brother sunk up behind me with a ventriloquist dummy. I was so scared that I dropped the controller and huddled in a corner. It wasn't until 6 months laterthat I got the nerve to play Zelda again. I'm still terrified of dummies.-John

So, I was the weird kid in grade school. All of the girls in my elementary classes were bitches, so I hung out with the guys. As a result, I got into Pokemon, other video games, and trading card games. Being a girl who liked boy stuff marked me permanently as 'that weird girl.' In 3rd Grade, the guys in my class decided it would be a good idea to take my hand and force it across the chalkboard, making me scratch it. They did this a lot, and it sent me into fits. To this day I can't even think about my hand coming into contact with a chalkboard without having a phobic freak out.-Hallie

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #18

August 5, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

My alarm clock ringtone is the Final Fantasy VII victory theme. I start every morning feeling like a winner.-Lee

One day, I was over a friend's house and we were cutting up peppers for his parents' restaurant. He got a bit carried away and cut his finger all the way to the bone. Instead of going to the hospital straight away, he got a bunch of tissues and ran to the nearest keyboard to check if it was a finger that he used for any of his WoW hot keys.-Anonymous

My family's only Christmas tradition is to play Golden Eye for N64 on Christmas Eve, all day. -Danny

One time a male friend and I spent a whole evening creating our own teenage mutant ninja turtle. We chose a color, weapons and researched Italian Renaissance artists so we could get an appropriate name. We even made a photoshop picture of the turtle by mucking around with a pic of Donatello. The funny thing was his girlfriend broke up with him over it, because she felt what we did was "too intimate" and he was "obviously cheating" on her.-Saskia

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Viva la Dance Dance Revolution!

January 17, 2011
  1. French Soldier

    Viva la revolution!

  2. Napoleon

    Yes, I hear you, but what kind of revolution should we have?

  3. French Soldier

    Sir?

  4. Napoleon

    Well, the Americans did that whole Boston Tea Party revolt, which was pretty impressive.

  5. French Soldier

    We could find a bunch of croissants and toss them into the river…

  6. Napoleon

    No, we need to do something unique, plus croissants are too buttery, flakey, and delicious to waste.

Filed Under   dance dance revolution

Article Dorklassic: The Effects of the Videogame Recession

August 30, 2010

Filed Under   homeless

Article Pwn Up: School Daze

By Andrew Bridgman / June 29, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: School Daze - Image 1
In 4th grade, I moved from the ghetto to a nicer area of town. I didn't know anyone there and was very shy, but I soon bonded with a kid in my class named Mack. We liked all of the same nerdy things – but most of all Pokemon. We used to run around the schoolyard every recess holding battles with each other and training our Pokemon. One day Mack invited me over to his house, and after a while he pulled out this huge deck of Pokemon cards and asked if I knew the rules and how to play. Of course being the new kid from across town, I knew how to play – the way we used to play in my old neighborhood. About 3 turns into the match it was very clear that the way of "Raaawr Raawr my Pikachu attacks your guy, you're dead" wasn't how it was supposed to be played. Mack yelled at me to swap the Pokemon off my bench and to attach the element cards before I attacked. I got so fed up of him yelling at me, I ran out of his house crying and never spoke to him again in the 6 years of elementary school and 4 years of high school I had with him. Pokemon grudges last a lifetime.-Connor

I was in my health education class, and we were talking about radiation and what it causes. I had just gotten Fallout 3, and 'I Don't Want To Set the World On Fire' was playing in my head. I started singing it to myself. Then I realized it had suddenly gotten very quiet. I looked around – everyone was looking at me. I've never been more embarrassed. But then one kid jumped up and shouted "Oh man! Fallout 3!"-Alex

Everyday when I wake up I do one of the basic moves from each of the bending disciplines from Avatar: The Last Airbender just to see if I've miraculously learned how to bend.-Casey

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #3

June 8, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I had no ride home from work one night. Instead of walking or calling someone, I went back inside and played The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass on my DS. For 15 hours. Until it was time to start my shift for the next day.-Ty

I went on a date with a girl I met on a dating site. She seemed geeky and cool, so I was honest when she asked what my pet peeve was. I said "Pi." She misunderstood. She thought I was talking about the dessert. I explained that we treat Pi like it's a rational number when it's an irrational number and thus shouldn't be used for practical calculations, and that it's bull crap anyway, because you can draw a circle with an evenly measured circumference, so using non-terminating, non-repeating Pi as part of a calculation is faulty. She didn't say anything for the rest of the date. -Jack

I punched my dad in the face for trying to make me stop playing FFVII in the middle of fighting Sephiroth.-Tom

My friend and I called the Nintendo help line to find out how to unlock the car race mini-game mode in Mario Party 5. They didn't know. We were furious.-Josh

I tugged it to the Danger Girl videogame more times then I can count.-David

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #37

October 14, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I just had a sexy dream where I cheated on my girlfriend with another girl I know in real life. The nerdy part is that the other girl and I were Spartans finishing a fight with the Elites in the Countdown map in Halo Reach multiplayer. My girlfriend was the last Elite we had to kill for the win and I even did a slow-mo assassination.-Zach

My girlfriend of two-and-a-half years recently broke up with me. The thing I'm most concerned about is how it's going to affect our D&D campaign. She's a cleric, so if someone has to quit it'll be me, the lowly bard.-Anonymous

At the beginning of every semester, I decide which textbooks to buy by first listing all the good videogames coming out in the next five months and how much they'll cost. This year it was Fallout: New Vegas, Pokemon Black, and The Force Unleashed 2. I'm not going to buy my Psych textbook because I can get all three of those games for less money than the book.-Anonymous

When people over-complicate problems, I tell them "Why are you making the Deku Tree into the Water Temple?"-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #28

November 30, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing Nazi zombies with some friends on black ops on kino der toten and it was about round 20. We were backing up a flight of stairs all grouped together and there were tons of zombies just down the stairs. One of my friends then proceeded to say "I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE CARRIED LIKE A ROCK STAR!" and he jumped down the flight of stairs on top of all the zombies. Everyone died that round from too much laughing.-Ryan K.
Me and a friend were playing COD4 and a little kid who was probably 10 on our team would say "you're a little bitch" every time he would die. Eventually my friend asked him where he heard that from and he replied with "That's what my dad says to my mom" in a little whiny voice. -Andy
I was playing MW2 with my friend when I called in an Attack Helicopter. Me: Attack Helicopter! I choose you!Friend: A wild helicopter appears.Me: Attack Helicopter, use Big Ass Machinegun!Friend: It's super effective!Then the enemy shot my helicopter down.Me: Attack Helicopter has fainted.-Corey
Playing MW2"This map is a piece of Gonorrhea." -Lauren
Filed Under   overheard on xbox