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Article Banjo's Backpack

May 9, 2010
  1. Kazooie

    Banjo, wake up! Grunty kidnapped your sister!

  2. Banjo

    Oh no, we have to save her! Quick, get in my backpack.

  3. Kazooie

    The fastest way to get..... wait, what?

  4. Banjo


  5. Kazooie

    Did you just tell me to get in your backpack?

  6. Banjo

    Well yeah, of course I did!

  7. Kazooie

    What good can I do if I'm in a backpack?

  8. Banjo

    It's got legholes so you can carry me up slopes!

  9. Kazooie

    Right..... look I think we need to talk.

  10. Banjo

    What do you mean?

  11. Kazooie

    I'm starting to feel like you think I'm some kind of tool for you to use however you like. I'm a living intelligent being, just like you and Mumbo and all those talking object with eyes. You treat me like crap and I'm sick of it.

  12. Banjo

    Now hold on, we're a team and we always will be! You and me, best buds forever!

  13. Kazooie

    What species of bird am I?

Filed Under   banjo and kazooie

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #76

By Kevin Corrigan / May 20, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

After Mass Effect 2 came out, I bought an Xbox 360 and started playing the first Mass Effect so I could play the sequel after. I tend to snack while playing videogames. Around the same time, my friends introduced me to Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Throughout my two playthroughs of Mass Effect and three playthroughs of Mass Effect 2, there was not a moment I was without Cheetos, bot regular and lime flaming hot. Now anytime I see anything related to Mass Effect I get a tingle in the back of my throat and my mouth starts watering. And anytime I see Cheetos I think of sleeping with Miranda or Ashley.-Andrew

The other day, my buddy and I were playing Halo: Reach. He said something about wanting a tattoo and asked for ideas. I suggested our Halo clan emblem. After a pause, he said, "Dude, I might actually do that." We had a 30-minute conversation that ended in us both getting the tattoo.-Anonymous

After eight years of Runescape sobriety, I broke down and played for 17-hours straight. That night I laid awake in bed. Instead of being ashamed of my relapse, I was ashamed that my character didn't level up as much as it should have in those 17 hours.-Sarah

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article The Weekly IRL: 7 Pictures of Nerds Bein' Hilarious

March 24, 2011

Filed Under   the weekly irl

Article Pwn Up: Nerd Nails

By Kevin Corrigan / March 23, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Nerd Nails - Image 1

In response to the guy that peed in the sink 'cause it was closer: I used to pee in a trashcan a few steps from the couch until my parents asked me if I was peeing in the trashcan. I got away with it for months.-Anonymous

I just got my first-ever tailor made clothing item. It was a Star Trek TNG uniform my girlfriend bought me for my birthday.-Boaz

I didn't have an N64 when Ocarina of Time came out, but the local Best Buy had it on display. It wasn't a standard display, either. This was back when they had huge, multi-screen showcases hanging from the rafters. I kept finding excuses to go to Best Buy and play it. Every time I'd find my old saved game deleted. After three weeks of this, my brother drove me there for the store opening. It was the holiday season, so they opened two hours early and closed two hours late. I jumped on and played a marathon session. I stood the whole day, not letting anyone else on. I made it through the whole game in one session. I left with the credits rolling and two hours to spare.-Shon

My mom always loved to watch me play video games, especially Castlevania. She once burst in my room, handed me the controller and told me to start playing. I explained that I had a book report due the next day on "My Antonia," by Willa Cather. She took my notebook and said, "I've read it before. You kill, I write." She finished that report in time for the Mummy Twins fight. I got the best grade ever.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Issue #3

May 10, 2011

Have a nerdy horror story you want to share with the Internet? Send your submissions to!

When Mario Kart 64 came out I was 12 and my parents told me if I could pay half the cost of the game they would pay the rest. As a 12-year-old, it took me 2 months of doing odd jobs around the house to earn the money. On the way back from the store, with my new purchase in hand, I noticed that none of the houses on my street had any lights on. Turns out we had just lost power. I spent the rest of the night reading the instruction manual by candle light.-B Licious

Back when I was 5 or 6 years old, my sister got a Sega Genesis with Sonic 2. I used to play that game every once in a while, but then my sister decided that she didn't want me playing her game, so she told me that if I died in the game, I'd die in real life. Fast forward to the present day and those games still creep me out.-Bryan

My older brother and his best friend were taking turns playing the NES Teenage mutant Ninja Turtles game, you know, the ridiculously hard one? I was watching because at four years old, you barely have motor skills enough not to fall over half the time. I stretched, and my foot hit the power button on the system. The game turned off, they were at the Technodrome. My brother is now 28, I'm 25 and a gamer myself. To this day, he still hasn't beaten the game and neither of us have forgiven me yet.-Erin

Article Pwn Up: All Ghillied Up

By Andrew Bridgman / March 18, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: - Image 2
My freshman year of college was when Call of Duty: Modern Warfare was released. The two weeks leading up to spring exams, my buddies and I played the game pretty much 24/7, surviving only on a diet of pizza rolls, diet tea, and cookies. By the end of the two weeks, it began to mess with my head. I even had dreams I was in the game. One night, there was a huge thunderstorm. I fell asleep on the couch after another long day of playing Call of Duty. While asleep, I had another dream I was in the middle of warfare. After a loud crash of thunder, I jolted up half awake. At that moment, my roommate came running down the stairs and said it sounded like shotguns outside. Still in a daze, I began to freak out. He asked me what was wrong but I told him to leave me alone. Before I went to sleep, I made peace with everything in my life ready for the war outside to take my life. The next morning I was alive and my roommates were wondering what was wrong with me last night. It was then that I realized the events that took place. Moral of the story: man can not live on a steady diet of pizza rolls, cookies, and Call of Duty without consequences.- Robert L.

Since my fiancee and I live 12 hours away from each other, we decided to meet up halfway (in Dallas, TX) to take our engagement photos in May. I just rescheduled the day of the photos with the photographer so that we can be there for Dallas Comic-Con solely so that we can meet Nathan Fillion.-Leigh

I asked a friend once the usual "What would you do if you had a time machine?" question. I was expecting the usual "I'd go back and kill Hitler" or something. But without much thought, he retorted "I wouldn't want a time machine. I'd have to beat Dark Souls again." It was the single best answered I'd ever received for that question. I was stumped and realized, I wouldn't want to a time machine either that point.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Twas The Night Before GTA IV

May 4, 2010

'Twas the night before GTA IV and all through the dorm,not a student could sleep, anticipating the following morn.

With their laptops a'glow they laid awake in their beds,while visions of ghostriding motorcycles danced in their heads.

All papers were turned in weeks before due,and all absences saved for this gaming debut.

The hallways were empty, the RAs were gone,they camped out at Best Buy 'til it opened at dawn.So I stared out my window and gazed at the stars,dreaming of beating pedestrians and stealing cop-cars.

Filed Under   poetry

Article The Mod Squad: Issue #4

June 25, 2010

Do you have an awesome gaming set-up or system mod? Send a picture to dorklymod at gmail.

Filed Under   the mod squad

Article Pwn Up: Bloody Christmas

By Andrew Bridgman / July 22, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Bloody Christmas
I ate almost nothing but ramen for two weeks straight so I would have enough money to afford to go on a spending spree in the most recent Steam Summer Sale. I'm hungry and not feeling well, but it's all worth it for my newly expanded Steam library.-Devon

I started a new Fallout 3 game not too long ago, planning to take a more evil route. My first order of business was to blow up Megaton. At first I got a little apprehensive, thinking I could blow it up and then revert to a previous save. But when it came time to do it, I couldn't bring myself to hurting the good people of Megaton, not even if I could immediately undo it.

I thought this proved what a good person I was. Then I remembered I had no problem at all killing Butch and his mom back in the vault.-Anonymous

I was in the 3rd grade when Pokemon Red/Blue came out. After months and months of harassing my parents, I was finally successful in explaining that Pokemon Blue was probably the only thing in the world I care about when it came down to Christmas presents. My parents would always leave out a few presents unwrapped around the tree for my two sisters and I to entertain ourselves while they slept.

At about 4am, after knowing that this would be the time I would finally get the game. I snuck into to the living room and there it was: a Game Boy Color and Pokemon Blue. As my tiny 3rd grade hands attempt to open everything, I realized I needed scissors. This resulted in me slicing my thumb right open. I covered it with paper towel, picked Squirtle and got on with my adventures. My mom woke up a few hours later, horrified to find my hand and clothes spattered with blood as I stared intently at the tiny screen.-Brad

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: Family Games Night

By Jake Young / January 27, 2014

If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail


Pwn Up: Family Games Night



A couple of weeks before Mass Effect 3 was released here in the UK, I decided to play through the entire Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2 in preparation. It came to the day before ME3 release and all I had to do was the Collector's Base at the end of ME2. I must have only spent an hour or so on it, but I got really engrossed in it. When I finally finished it and the credits were rolling, I looked at my phone and saw 13 missed calls from my brother.

It turns out his wife had gone into labour and he had been calling me, so that I could drive them to the hospital, as per our agreement a week or so before. In the end, he'd given up and called a taxi. I felt so bad that I paid them for the taxi fair, and also took them out to dinner once they were comfortable enough to leave the baby at my parent's for an evening.


At the dinner, when we were finally alone together for the first time since the incident, he asked what I'd been doing that had gotten me so engrossed that I missed all 13 calls. So I loaned him Mass Effect and he's now as addicted as me...I don't think my sister-in-law is very happy with me at the moment. But oh well. Brotherly bonding FTW.



Filed Under   pwn my life   gamers   family   pwn up