Articles

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Article Pwn Up: Epwna's Song

By Andrew Bridgman / September 21, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Epwnas Song - Image 1
When I was a kid, I played the Legend of Zelda on the NES. Since the game was called 'Legend of Zelda,' I entered Link's name as Zelda (thinking that was what his name was supposed to be). Little did I know, that was the code to make the game much harder. I gave up almost instantly and hated the series for years, never realizing I had screwed myself over.-Jason

One summer, my PSX memory card started to act up. It wouldn't save anything correctly. I had just borrowed Final Fantasy VII from a friend, I was determined to beat it regardless of my memory card. I would play for a couple of hours a day and then I would leave the PSX on overnight and wake up and go at it again. This went on for about 6 days. Finally, I got to the boss and I beat him. I jumped around my room. I never felt so good in my life! Then I realized there was a disc 2…-Kerby

The first word I ever spoke was "Pikachu." Apparently, my parents had me watching the cartoon series a lot when I was a baby. I didn't learn "mama" or "dada" for another few months.-Julio

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Dorkly's 20 Favorite Videos of 2010

January 5, 2011

20.





19.

Filed Under   best of

Article Pwn Up: Metal Gear Coward

By Andrew Bridgman / October 26, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: - Image 3
I was working at the 2012 New York Comic Con, passing out business cards, when a female Link strolled past me. Since I was handing out business cards, I yelled "IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE. TAKE THIS." She didn't understand the reference. I guess it's a secret to everybody…-Josh

I went skydiving last weekend. I wasn't nervous at all – instead, all I could think about was "I'm going to be like Naked Snake dropping into Soviet Russia." I only wish I could have landed towards a tree and do a landing on the knee, instead of in that field and the sloppy landing.-Henry

After about three months of going out with my girlfriend, I told my first lie of the relationship: I told her that the reason I hadn't phoned or texted for the past week was because I had left my phone in my locker and couldn't get to it. The truth was that Pokemon Black 2 had just come out and I didn't want anyone distracting me.-Sean

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: SummerSlam

By Kevin Corrigan / September 2, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Gamestop is speed dial #3 on my phone, right between my mom and Pizza Hut.-Elliot C.

I'm a journeyman electrician. When it came to make business cards, the only logical step was to cover them with various electrical Pokemon. They are a huge hit. At the bottom they even include the tag "It's super effective," so you know I am a pro.-Anonymous

A few days ago I woke up and stumbled into my living room where I was met by my roommate. He politely asked me that the next time I use his laptop that I not delete his browsing history because doing so had cleared all of his stored passwords and such. After casually agreeing and apologizing, I looked towards his girlfriend to see that she was giving me a look of stern disappointment. I explained that I had deleted the history in fear of being ridiculed for spending all night browsing color palettes and taunts for my favorite Street Fighter IV characters so I could choose the ones that were the coolest. Neither believed me, they assumed I had been looking at porn and I could not convince them otherwise. I still haven't decided if the truth is more embarrassing or if I should consider this a victory.-David S.

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #25

November 9, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

One thing my friend does to keep from playing with little kids is state as soon as he is in the game and hears high pitched voices, he 'notifies' everyone that he is a sexual offender with emphasis on children and that he is mandated to notify everyone. He's not, but he is a genius, 'cause it works everytime.-Tommy
"Baby, if you get in daddy's way again during his Modern Warfare time, I will squish your tiny head and make you retarded."-Marc
The other day I was playing MW2 and not having a very good round. Some guy comes on the mic and starts yelling at me that I'm bringing the team down and how much better he was (even though his score wasn't much better). Anyway, I figured I'd mess with him so I told him I wasn't doing very well because I was playing on my iPad. The guy proceeded to tell the friends he was with and began asking me how that was possible. Being a computer engineer I made up some fancy jargon to get him to believe I actually was. I never told him I was joking so he may still be looking for a way to do that.-Andy W.
I was watching my brother play some Forza Motorsport 3, when all of a sudden (he has voice chat set to play through his speakers), someone blurts out "HOLY F*CKING SH*T" and their car just moves forward, decelerating, until it hits a wall. He comes back about 2 minutes later, and just blurts out, "MY F*CKING SOFA WAS JUST ON FIRE"-Liam
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article The Dorklyst: 10 of the Greatest Noir Games in Videogame History

By Caldwell Tanner and Owen Parsons / May 26, 2011


Playing L.A. Noire this week has reminded us of two things: 1) There is nothing more badass than a hard-boiled detective solving crimes while wearing a freshly pressed suit, and 2) The closest we'll ever get to being that cool is by playing videogames based on said characters. Besides, we look terrible in suits. But Rockstar was far from the first developers to put noir detective stories in an interactive context, so grab a fedora and pour yourself three fingers of rye as we take a look at our favorite noir videogames of all time.


10) Killer7



We're initially skeptical of any adult whose preferred nickname involves numbers, but Suda51, the creator of No More Heroes and Killer7, has definitely won us over. His stylized, heavily Japanese take on the noir genre involves a man named Harman Smith whose unique (i.e. "made-up") form of split-personality disorder allows him to become one of seven different assassins, each with their own distinct talents and quirks. Without getting into detail about each assassin, I'll just leave you with the most important fact: in this game you can play as a Mexican Wrestler named MASK de Smith who just might have the ability to headbutt bullets. Despite its wild, cell-shaded visuals and the inclusion of a group of power-ranger ripoffs known simply as "The Handsome Men," Killer7 is an intense tale of conspiracy and betrayal that shows off videogames' unique ability to take a well-tread concept like film noir and expand it into new (and insane) areas of narrative.

Filed Under   the dorklyst

Article These Guys Are Accidentally LIVING Grand Theft Auto

By Staff / March 13, 2014

 Grand Theft Auto is all about creating a realistic, immersive world - and then doing things within that world that no one in their right mind would EVER even attempt in reality. They steal cars with abandon, drive like maniacs, shoot at innocent civilians, and generally cause all kinds of havoc.

In the last month or so, however, there have been a few videos of people who are acting like they're in a game of Grand Theft Auto IN REAL LIFE. The thin line separating the  virtual world from the real world has broken down. Unfortunately, it's not just a quick hospital visit and a $500 charge for these guys:

 

Drunk Guy Is You Playing GTA Drunk

Punching at nothing in particular? Wandering down a street without a shirt on? Trying to steal a "sexy ass" car and failing miserably? Then immediately being caught by the cops? This guy's the truest gamer ever.

Filed Under   irl   gta

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #76

By Kevin Corrigan / May 20, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

After Mass Effect 2 came out, I bought an Xbox 360 and started playing the first Mass Effect so I could play the sequel after. I tend to snack while playing videogames. Around the same time, my friends introduced me to Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Throughout my two playthroughs of Mass Effect and three playthroughs of Mass Effect 2, there was not a moment I was without Cheetos, bot regular and lime flaming hot. Now anytime I see anything related to Mass Effect I get a tingle in the back of my throat and my mouth starts watering. And anytime I see Cheetos I think of sleeping with Miranda or Ashley.-Andrew

The other day, my buddy and I were playing Halo: Reach. He said something about wanting a tattoo and asked for ideas. I suggested our Halo clan emblem. After a pause, he said, "Dude, I might actually do that." We had a 30-minute conversation that ended in us both getting the tattoo.-Anonymous

After eight years of Runescape sobriety, I broke down and played for 17-hours straight. That night I laid awake in bed. Instead of being ashamed of my relapse, I was ashamed that my character didn't level up as much as it should have in those 17 hours.-Sarah

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #35

January 25, 2011

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

I was playing COD:BO with my ex-girlfriend. When we played I always used to abuse a certain gamer. This was called iAmAsUpR1337 and I was going apesh*t at this guy and it didn't help that he was getting 1 kill every 4 deaths. So this kid goes offline after ten minutes of pure abuse and after the game me and my girlfriend go to sleep . When we arrived at her parents house her younger brother, who is seven, said that he finally got Live and Black Ops. I asked him what his gamertag was and he said IAmAsUpR1337. My girlfriend broke-up with me the same day.-Eli
I was playing Left 4 Dead 2 online and I started making conversation with a guy on my team. I told him I was having a good vacation, and then asked him "are you on Spring Break, too?" to which he replied "everyday is spring break when you're unemployed."-Julien
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Sidekick Woes

November 1, 2010
  1. Producer

    Alright, we're ready for this, a new Sonic and Tails game-

  2. Tails

    Wait, Sonic and Tails? Like, Sonic first?

  3. Producer

    Yup. You're a great sidekick kid.

  4. Tails

    Oh, okay. I don't know, I just figured, you know, I was in charge.

  5. Producer

    You?

  6. Tails

    Yeah. You know, a flying fox. That's pretty bad ass.

  7. Producer

    Well, yeah, but-

  8. Tails

    Also I'm immortal. Every time I die I fly back in like, what, five seconds? That's awesome!

  9. Producer

    I don't think you get it. Sonic is really fast.

  10. Tails

    We're aware I am equally fast, right? I can spin-dash too. Oh, and hey, I also, fly. That's pretty cool. So maybe I should be first…

Filed Under   sonic   tails