Articles

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #31

September 23, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Back in sixth grade I wasn't exactly a social butterfly, so I used to pretend my school was the Jedi academy and the other kids wouldn't talk to me because they were jealous of my extremely high Midichlorian count.-Joey

I was on a spring break road trip to California with a bunch of friends the day Pokemon SoulSilver was released. I made them stop halfway through the desert to find the nearest Gamestop so I could be first in the line of 12-year-olds at the store to get it.-Anonymous

I broke up with my first college girlfriend because she refused to see Star Wars and it made conversations difficult.-DJ1.5E3

When the girl I had a crush on asked me to go to the midnight release of Halo Reach with her I fell in love. When the night came I picked her up and we made a bet that if I beat her she would give me a kiss. Everything was perfect until midnight came. I got so excited when I bought Halo that I puked in front of everyone in line. Needless to say she never kissed me, or called me again.-Daniel

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: Homestuck

By Andrew Bridgman / February 1, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: - Image 2
When I was 10, I bought my first GameBoy game – Pokemon: Blue Version. After I turned it on and started playing it, I got stuck: in my character's house. I didn't realize that the mat in front of the door was the way to exit a building. I spent about an hour pressing "A" on everything in that freaking house and gave up. I didn't touch the game or the GameBoy again until about 2 weeks later when a friend's sister showed me what to do after I told her I was "stuck" on one part in the game.-Claire

I was late to work one day last week, and there is a long, clear, straight stretch of road I have to take to get there. The speed limit is 20 mph, though (because it's adjacent to a school parking lot and a residence hall), which makes it a great place for policemen to hang out and catch anyone going more than 5 over the speed limit. As I turned onto this road, my index finger began twitching – I was thinking of hitting F5 to quicksave in case I get caught speeding. I've been playing too much Skyrim.-Natalie

I have a daughter on the way. I'm trying to convince my wife to name her Tali. I'm thinking of letting her name our daughter, so if we ever have a son, it'll be my decision and we can name him Garrus.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article "Who" Will Be The Next "Doctor Who"?

By Andrew Bridgman / August 5, 2013

[Note: This article was written prior to the announcement that Peter Capaldi had won the role, and we didn't have time to write a new one after putting hundreds of hours of research and hard work into this article. We spent countless hours in the office discussing potential candidates, investigating rumors, and calculating the odds – but I think the thoroughness of the article should speak for itself. Enjoy!]

Who Will Be The Next Doctor Who
The Candidate: Matt Smith againOdds: 1:2Notes:
  • The perfect choice – would make us shout "Who-ray!" (like "hooray" but with a Doctor Who twist)
  • Already has a history with the show
  • Tumblr already has a bunch of gifs of him, proving him a worthy candidate
Filed Under   doctor who   peter capaldi

Article World of Warcraft Invades Second Life

May 14, 2010
Filed Under   comic   virgins

Article A Song of Ice and Sun Burns

By Kevin Corrigan / August 12, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

When I decided I was going to propose to my wife, I needed it to be unique and special. I proposed to her on the Elder Rise of Thunder Bluff in front of both of our WoW guilds. I faced her character, kneeled, opened a trade window and traded her a cubic zirconia ring. She said yes.-Mike

A couple months ago, someone broke into my car and stole a bunch of stuff. They took my video camera, my iPod, my dad's iPod and a bottle of cologne. Losing that stuff was a drag, but the thing that bothered me the most was that the thief didn't take a newly boarded issue of Uncanny X-Force and the first issue of Kick-ass. Why didn't he steal those? I'd steal those.-Colin

Many years ago I was involved in a LARP event. I took the role of a Minotaur. My girlfriend (now wife) body painted runes all over my chest, back, neck, face and arms. I spent five hours in sun and high altitude, with no shade. The sun burned me everywhere the body paint was not. I spent the next three months with inverse tanned-on rune tattoos.-Michael, the Tall

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Overheard on Xbox: Issue #8

July 13, 2010

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious on Xbox Live? Send your submissions to overheardonxbox at gmail.

Me and a group from work were playing Halo 3 Death match together. While we're playing talking as normal, we suddenly hear a really loud whining noise cutting in and out. Suddenly we hear "MA! STOP VACUUMING THE RUG!!". He's 29.-John
"Man, you're laggin' like a filibuster."-Alex
While playing CoD4, I pointed out to a guy that he sounded exactly like Hank Hill from King of the Hill, and I mean exactly. He then spent the next several games going off about Propane and Propane accessories and yelling out things so dead on I almost died laughing. You could always tell when he got shot because he would start with "Damn it Peggy!" And then go off on a rant for several minutes that always ended up about Propane.-Stephen H.
I was once playing COD4 cage match against some 12 year old kid that kept declaring that he was going to 'destroy me' in the fight. Naturally, as a d-bag 10th prestige, I figured I would decimate this kid so I just let him talk. After I got 9 kills on this kid, he threw a random grenade and killed me and stated "Oh yeah, You don't mess with the best". And proceeded to say that until the end of the game. I then set my schedule around following that kid into matches shooting him in the face and then saying "Don't mess with the best."-Kerch
Filed Under   overheard on xbox

Article Pwn Up: I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire

By Andrew Bridgman / June 22, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: I Dont Want To Set The World On Fire - Image 1
I don't celebrate Father's Day because my dad walked out on us before I was born. Recently I had finally picked up a copy of Fallout 3 and, on Father's Day, all my friends were doing father-related things – so I stayed home and played Fallout 3. I was at the part in the game where I was helping my characters dad with the water filtration missions and (SPOILER!) suddenly the Enclave showed up. So on Father's Day, I had to watch helplessly as my (videogame) father died. As a guy, I'm probably not supposed to admit this, but I cried. I had gotten so attached to this father character and now he was gone. I was supposed to follow Doctor Li out of the building but I didn't want to leave dad behind. I cried and wanted to load an earlier save file so I could have him back, but I had no other choice but to carry on. I have decided I will not rest until I hunt down and kill everyone in the Enclave.-DudeNoob

After having sex for the first time at a friend of mine's grad party, I waited until my one night stand left the bedroom to take out my iPhone and play the "Credits Concerto (Ending theme)" from Donkey Kong Country.-Randy

One time, I had a hard math test for which we needed a calculator. I had forgotten mine that day, so I asked around to see if anyone could loan me one. Unfortunately, no one could. Then, I remembered I had brought my DS with me and I had Pokémon Platinum on it. Thanks to the Pokétch calculator, I could finish the test and I could tell my friends that Pokémon had helped me through it.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life   fallout   pwn up

Article Share a Facebook Post and Win Two Free Tickets To C2E2! (Week 2)

By Staff / March 28, 2014
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Filed Under   c2e2   c2e2 weekends

Article Pwn Up: Issue #1 According to the DC Universe

By Kevin Corrigan / September 30, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I got suspended from my high school this week. I got in a fight with a kid in my algebra class for spoiling the Gears of War 3 campaign.-Anonymous

Once, while having ingrown toenail surgery, I used New Super Mario Bros DS as an anesthetic. I played through world 4-4 in lieu of effective painkillers.-Steven

During elementary school, I wasn't exactly what you'd call popular. For two glorious months, however, I was the mayor of the playground. I used my knowledge of Sim City and Roller Coaster Tycoon, along with a bucket of chalk, to turn the playground into Chalktown. It was an enormous expanse of chalk lots and residential zones on the asphalt. I numbered them and rented them out to my fellow students. I even designated a police force to keep the peace. There was a department of commerce to oversee the commercial district. Our currency was kickballs. The best part was when the bullies came to me and begged for a residential lot after noticing the rest of the playground was vacant. I gave them one right in-between the industrial district and the nuclear power plant.-Anonymous

Filed Under   pwn my life

Article Pwn Up: Epwna's Song

By Andrew Bridgman / September 21, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Epwnas Song - Image 1
When I was a kid, I played the Legend of Zelda on the NES. Since the game was called 'Legend of Zelda,' I entered Link's name as Zelda (thinking that was what his name was supposed to be). Little did I know, that was the code to make the game much harder. I gave up almost instantly and hated the series for years, never realizing I had screwed myself over.-Jason

One summer, my PSX memory card started to act up. It wouldn't save anything correctly. I had just borrowed Final Fantasy VII from a friend, I was determined to beat it regardless of my memory card. I would play for a couple of hours a day and then I would leave the PSX on overnight and wake up and go at it again. This went on for about 6 days. Finally, I got to the boss and I beat him. I jumped around my room. I never felt so good in my life! Then I realized there was a disc 2…-Kerby

The first word I ever spoke was "Pikachu." Apparently, my parents had me watching the cartoon series a lot when I was a baby. I didn't learn "mama" or "dada" for another few months.-Julio

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up