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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #39

October 21, 2010

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I've never been a physically strong person, especially since I don't exercise. My main problem was arm strength, so I decided that I would do five push-ups any time I die in Team Fortress 2. That was two months ago. Now, not only do I have some upper body strength, but I've also become better at playing Team Fortress 2 when my arms are tired.-Andy

My friends and I invented our own Defense of the Ancients version of Pictionary. It ranges from heros and items, to full on scenarios like "Crixalis using burrowstrike on Lina," or "Noob trying to stack two orbs."-Jeremy

When it's cold out at rugby practice, I pretend the steam coming off me is energy, and I am about to go Super Saiyan.-Colin

When I was younger and a Pokemon fanatic, I was obsessed with Seel and Dewgong. I had one of those card binders, and I used to place moist paper towels over their cards so they'd be comfortable. I also stored their figurines in a plastic container filled with water.-Andrew

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Article Pwn My Life: Issue #79

By Kevin Corrigan / June 10, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Some friends and I are studying to take the bar exam. In order to better understand things, we've been applying principals of law to Star Wars. A typical session will include debates about whether using the force to steal from someone's home is burglary or larceny, whether Obi-Wan's ghost could testify in court, and if Han had a self-defense claim when he shot first. If we were taking the Tatooine bar, we'd be set.-J

I have a satchel that I bring everywhere I go. I purchased patches for it representing all the classes from World of Warcraft. Whenever I level a character to the level cap, I sew a patch representing that class to my bag. So far my bag has five patches. Patches 6-8 are on deck and soon will be ready to be sewn on.-Ethan

In high school my gamertag, "Palmo," was my nickname. There was another guy with the same real first name on my cross-country team, so Palmo stuck. When an art teacher hooked me up to do some video-editing work for an alumni's parents, they made the check out to Palmo. I had to get them to change it so I could cash it.-Palmo

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Article Pwn Up: Legend of Luigi

By Andrew Bridgman / September 28, 2012

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

Pwn Up: Legend of Luigi - Image 2
When I first the Nintendo 64, I fell, hook-line-and sinker, for the "Luigi is in Mario 64 myth" and spent countless hours and lives trying to find Luigi. I tried literally every method I could find on the (dial-up) internet to do so, from trying to jump into the lavafall inside the volcano in "Lethal Lava Land" at "just the right angle", using the cannon outside the castle to break through an invisible wall over the lake, to attempting to find the supposed hidden 121st star supposedly at the highest point of the rainbow ride world. After many failed attempts, my 12 year old self was forced to give up on the fruitless mission, not because I realized I was being played a fool, but because I thought I was doing something wrong… It was not until reading Dorkly's article "The 6 Cruelest Hoaxes and Urban Legends in Videogame History" over 14 years later that I realized that I had been hoodwinked.-Gary

I was totally unprepared for my first Latin test – but the first thing I did when I got the paper was to translate all the "mi fili"s that could be found. Thank goodness for Sephiroth.-Nadya

I am in high school right now and taking an AP U.S. Government course. The teacher told us to go home and find an article or a video that represented the importance of the Revelutionary War. So the next day I came back to my class and showed them the trailers for Assassin's Creed 3. In the end I got an F for the assignment.-Kaiser

Filed Under   pwn my life   pwn up

Article Pwn Up: The Pwnward Sword

By Kevin Corrigan / November 11, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

At one time, I was an avid Eve Online player. Since in real life I manage an HR department, I inevitably ended up being the HR manager for our in-game corporation (EVE Online's version of guilds). At one point I wrote a health insurance program for our members that would cover the cost of in-game ship replacement due to loss in PVP. It was easy, but I had trouble getting people to pay their premiums.-Anonymous

Everyone who knows me knows that I am a nerd. I am not ashamed to be a nerd. I love being a nerd, but I have one of those moments sometimes.I go to Gamestop all the time. The other day when I went to Gamestop, there was a new cashier. She was really pretty. I wanted to reserve Dragon Ball Z: Ultimate Tenkaichi, but I didn't want her to think that I'm a nerd. Instead, I walked in, asked if there was a bathroom and walked out.-JT (Who doesn't realize that the people working at Gamestop are also nerds)

I ate at Subway something like 20 times this past October because of the Uncharted 3 beta. I'm not complaining. Subway and Uncharted are like my two favorite things. When I saw the promotion, I started planning my schedule around when I would be in the mood for footlongs.-Anonymous

I'd been nervous to break up with my boyfriend of three years, and I was procrastinating. One afternoon we were watching the episode of Arrested Development with actor Alan Tudyk of Firefly fame. At the time, I had just finished Firefly and hadn't yet had a chance to watch Serenity. Upon seeing Tudyk, my idiotic boyfriend made what he considered to be a frivolous comment, but to me was a MASSIVE Serenity spoiler. My heart nearly stopped. After ten seconds I burst into tears of absolute fury. I was so angry that I drove home right then, didn't speak to him for a full day, and broke up with him a week later. Although my heart is still shattered from having Serenity ruined, his spoiler motivated me to get out of that relationship once and for all.-Nalyak

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Article Pwn Up: The Pwnening

By Andrew Bridgman / September 16, 2013

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.


Pwn Up: The Pwnening I play a LOT of Borderlands 2. So much to the point that, whenever I have a lot of things to do, I list them out on a piece of paper as mission objectives. The most important ones (school work, chores, doing stuff at my job) are Story missions and the stuff I can do eventually (writing, calling old friends, watching a TV show/movie) are Optional missions. I even came up with a way to give myself EXP. for doing them. I'm currently at level 25.

I'm a budget gamer, so it wasn't until fairly recently that I got to play Fallout 3. About 20 hours in, I found the follower Charon.  He stayed with me and saved my ass numerous times for the next 30 or so hours of the game.  Then I got to the Citadel and met Star Paladin Cross. I wanted her as a follower, so when I broke the news to Charon, I left my old follower some good armor (Talon Combat Armor and Power Armor), a couple different rifles (my preferred weapon style  in the game), most of my shotgun shells (since that's what he likes to use) and a couple thousand caps. The same thing happened when I was close to finishing the main story and found Fawkes.  As I told Cross she can stop being my follower, I gave her a bunch of weapons, armor, and caps as thanks for her assistance. I think of it as severence pay.

Earlier this year I had ran out of games to play so I started free roaming on Just Cause 2, I'd mainly just fly helicopters about. Around the same time my dad had gotten us a remote control helicopter. When I was using it one night a text came in on my phone. I had played so much Just Cause on my Xbox that I pressed the non existent start button on the rc helicopters controller to try and pause it. As I put the controller down it flew up, hit the ceiling, bounced down and cut my ear. I stopped playing Xbox for awhile afterwards. 

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Article 7 Terrible Videogame Movie Adaptations

June 17, 2010

Plot: A rag tag group of Missourans set off on a light-hearted adventure in search of gold in "The Oregon Trail." Along the way they'll encounter all sorts of wacky situations, from a hilarious case of fatal diarrhea to a pratfall-filled river fording attempt, to a squirrel hunting expedition that's sure to tickle your funny bone!
Cast: Adam Sandler as "The Pharmacist", Kevin James as "The Wainwright", Rob Schneider as "The Surveyor", David Spade as "The Saddlemaker"
Inevitable Sequel: Oregon Trail 2: We Thought Of A Few More Diarrhea Jokes
Filed Under   movies

Article The 5 Most Awesomely Cheesy Fight Scenes in Videogame Movies

March 28, 2011


Mortal Kombat Annihilation is the second film (god willing not the last) in the MK saga. The fight scenes are far superior to the original, blending nostalgia and hilarity into a cocktail fit for a King of the Outworld. Honestly? This battle could have been number one if Jax could have squeezed in just a couple more perfectly timed one-liners. Regardless, it does MK justice; especially when Sonya delivers her famous "Kiss of Death" fatality to a cyborg. The explosion at 4:34 is worth the price of admission alone.


The RE films are pretty similar to their source material: The action is beautiful while the plot is more confusing than Russell Brand's sex appeal. This scene showcases the lickers just as Capcom would have wanted: Ugly, fast, and creepy as all hell. And in staying true to the RE game series, Alice doesn't move while shooting. Also, Jill is wearing the EXACT outfit she wore in Resident Evil 3, making her the last person to tie a sweatshirt around her waist since 1996.

Filed Under   mortal kombat   movies   resident evil

Article Pwn Up: Mists of Pwndaria

By Kevin Corrigan / October 28, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I tell my wife that I think about her giving birth, how inspiring it is and the pain she overcame, whenever I work out and need to push through a heavy set. In reality I think of Batman and his inability to give up during the Knightfall story line. Batman didn't need an epidural.-Danny

Everything I know about football I learned reading anime, particularly Eyeshield 21.-Raph

I'm right-handed, but I fully intend to play Skyward Sword as a lefty LIKE IT SHOULD BE.-Darth Jader

I used to practice Muay Thai. One time my coach had me spar this huge guy who was also the most experienced fighter in the gym. I was only in my second month of training. After some ordinary beating, he clinched my neck. I couldn't get loose. I struggled for a while and receiving four punches to the head. All I remember after that was screaming "SHORYUKEN!" and delivering a jumping uppercut to his jaw. Not only did I get loose, but he fell down, mostly from surprise. Everyone stared at me for what felt like an eternity before my coach burst out laughing. The entire gym laughed at me for two weeks until I injured my shoulder and quit.-Anonymous

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Article TMNT and the Ginger

September 1, 2010
  1. Donatello

    There's so much blood!

  2. Leonardo

    Holy sh*t Don, what happened to you?

  3. Donatello

    I got jumped by the Foot Clan. Oh god, I can't feel my legs…

  4. Michelangelo

    Cowa-bummer dude!

  5. Raphael

    Don, you don't look so hot. I think you should go to the hospital or vet or something.

  6. Donatello

    No it's ok, I just need some pizza.

  7. Leonardo

    Umm, I'm not a doctor, but I don't think this is the best time for a pizza run.

  8. Raphael

    Yeah, you're not supposed to be bleeding from your ears like that, and your leg looks kind of broken-ish.

  9. Donatello

    No, guys, I just need some pizza. Can you look through those trashcans Mikey?

Filed Under   conversations   tmnt

Article Pwn My Life: Issue #61

January 28, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

Back in fifth grade, one of my friends was playing some rpg on gameboy advanced. He was fighting one of those bosses that you're supposed to lose to, the kind that have 9999 health and you can only deal one damage to at a time. He was curious about what would happen if he did beat him. Right before he was supposed to fight the boss, he grinded on monsters until he had enough money to max his inventory with health potions. He then spent six hours, one attack at a time, slowly bringing down the bosses health until he beat it. The reward? His game crashed.-Steve

When I was younger, I had a Pokemon book that listed everyone's stats. I did not know that "lbs" meant pounds. I thought it meant laps. I can clearly remember being confused as to why Onix could run more laps than Mewtwo.-Rich

Every time I see an online discussion debating whether or not Power Girl's boobs are real, I get a strong urge to point out that a Kryptonian couldn't possibly undergo breast augmentation.-John

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