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Some people have the absurd notion that Pokemon is nothing more than a series about obnoxiously cute and cuddly critters beating each other to the point of exhaustion — all in the name of friendship and perseverance. Okay, they may be kind of right in that regard, but what these naysayers don’t know is that beneath Pokemon’s misleading exterior there is a seedy underbelly. Here’s our tribute to the most disturbing moments in Pokemon.

7) Celadon City Pervert Alert (Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow Version)

This elderly individual decided to take full advantage of the Celadon City Police Department’s preoccupation with the influx of Team Rocket grunts to indulge in his voyeuristic pastime: peering through the windows of the Celadon City Gym uninterrupted.

The sleazy geriatric — in the process of pumping his “Diglett” — unabashedly declares “Heheh! This gym is great! It’s full of women!” “Women?” More like a gym full of teen girls trying to hone their trainer skills in peace; preferably without Peeping Toms fogging up the windows. Fortunately for the old coot, your character wasn’t a police officer, because if he were, the old perv’s wrinkly ass would’ve been hauled off to the nearest prison, where he would likely have a firsthand experience with a Horn Drill attack in the communal shower. It’s a one-hit KO!

6) The Final Battle with Wally (Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald Version)

Up until Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald, your rivals in the game were by and large intolerable asshats that made it a point to go out of their way to either bombard you with putdowns or spring up out of nowhere for a battle you didn’t expectt. Wally, on the other hand, was the complete opposite: meek, kind and — get ready for this one, folks — sickly. What he suffers from isn’t elaborated upon, but it’s enough to cause his family to have a deep concern for his health. And his greatest wish is to be a Pokemon trainer just like you…which causes a moral dilemma here.

Despite his weak condition, and protests from his family, Wally manages to make it to Victory Road for one final challenge against your — at this point — crazy strong character, who he’s been idolizing since the outset. Basically, your battle against Wally is a small child making a wish to the Make A Wish Foundation to play a one-on-one basketball game with his favorite star player. But imagine that this player doesn’t hold back. Instead, he totally brings his A-game, including smack talk, underhanded maneuvers and post-game showboating. That’s your final battle with Wally…and it leaves you feeling like the worst trainer in the history of the game series. So, how does victory taste?

There is a new king in the land of broken controllers! After receiving almost 1.3 million votes, the most rage-inducing moment has finally been crowned. I’d like to thank the gaming community for the huge turnout, but in reality, it was probably just a couple guys voting a few hundred thousand times each. So this one’s for you, Paul and Mike. You guys really hit it out of the park.

15. Not realizing you’re fighting enemies that will respawn indefinitely and wasting all your health and ammo trying to finish them all off

You weren’t supposed to win, you were supposed to run away. Unfortunately, the game decided to let you figure this out on your own. Since you’re a total fake badass and NEVER back down from a fake fight, you didn’t figure it out until you’d already unloaded clip after clip into the unending army of minions. Now you’re off to the next section of the game barely clinging to life. Annnnnnd it just auto-saved. Beautiful.

14. Running out of inventory slots

Gamers are hoarders by nature. We are obsessive collectors. Even useless items somehow find their way into our inventories, because hey, those can be sold for gold and we like collecting gold; even when we’ve already got all the best items in the game. Thus, a full inventory is our sworn enemy: You’re suddenly faced with the realization that you can’t keep all that phat loot you’ve been picking up along the way. Some particularly cruel games won’t even let you drop items, meaning you’ve got to run back to your item box any time you fill up. I’m looking at you, Resident Evil.

Hi everybody! Sophie Prell won’t be joining us today. Instead, allow me to introduce myself in her stead. I am Sofia Bell, video game journalist, humor writer, and just plain good-lookin’ gal on the Internet. My lawyer has advised me to state that, for the record, I have never heard of Sophie Prell, and any similarities between my own writing and hers are purely coincidental. That disclaimer firmly – and totally legally! – out of the way, I thought I’d bring with my introduction a present. Dear Dorkly, I give you seven of the most blatant video game rip-offs of all time!

Ironyyyyyy…

7. Fighter’s History

Let’s face it, there isn’t a single fighting game in all of history that makes a whole lot of sense, and likewise none that are too original. Fighter A punches Fighter B, both are competing to be top dog in the world’s greatest martial arts tournament, which is secretly run by an evil dictator/corporation/demon/all of the above. Have I just described the plot to your favorite fighting game? Have I just described the plot to all of them?

Well not Fighter’s History! Fighter’s History was different, by god! At least, it was legally ruled to be so when Capcom sued developer Data East over copyright infringement. Why the suit? Oh, no reason. It totally looks like its own game. But hey, you know what Street Fighter never had? A weirdly androgynous Chun-Li. Mmm, just think about what might come from that spinning bird kick.

6. Great Giana Sisters

Let it never be said that early video game developers didn’t believe in the concept of gender equality. Or maybe just a cheap buck. Take a look at this screenshot. Or this one. Even the recent port and upgrade for the DS version barely changes what is clearly a rip off of Super Mario Bros. tripping balls on acid. Goombas now have horns, lobster-ants crawl through lava, and Lovecraftian eyeball-tentacle monsters lie in wait around every corner.

And what in the goddamn is up with that cover? I understand that early games had notoriously bad presentation with their art, but this looks like the artist didn’t know if they were going for a Heavy Metal homage or if they wanted to purposefully confuse every young male gamer’s erection into painful submission. Is this game for children? I don’t know! What’s that dragon doing in the background? No idea! My entire reaction to this game can be summarized as a succinct and elegant, “What is this, I don’t even.”