Pwn My Life: Issue #59

January 14, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Collegehumor, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

I was playing Heavy Rain late one night. I got into a really intense quicktime sequence and forgot that my controller wasn't wireless. I jerked the controller too hard and it disconnected. Inputs were still flying across the screen as I frantically tried to plug it back in. I thought I'd lost the scenario but managed to come back and finish it. I was so excited that I started screaming at the top of my lungs. Just when I finished, my dad burst into my room holding his gun. My parents thought I was being attacked.-Brandon

I taught my dog to hide under a table when I yell, "Zombies! The zombies are coming!" Next I'm going to train him to stand in front of me and growl when I say, "Covenant dropship, inbound!"-Xana

In kindergarten, we were learning about opposites and the teacher used "go" and "stop" as an example. This really bothered me, since I was fairly certain that the opposite of "go" was "go backwards." In retrospect, I guess she could have meant acceleration and deceleration as opposed to velocity. I still hold that she should have used less mathematically ambiguous examples.-Anonymous

During winter break, my friend invited me to go see the Tron movie with him. He told me that he would pick me up at 11 A.M so we could get good seats. I set my alarm for 9:30 because I lazy and slow at getting ready. When my alarm went off, I snoozed a couple times, then turned it off and fell back to sleep. I started to dream about Star Wars. Padmé Amidala and Anakin were kicking some droid ass. When they finished they got in an elevator. In the elevator, there were two Green Lanterns. The fact that there were Green Lanterns confused me so much that it woke me just in time to get dressed and leave for Tron.-Anonymous

I spent $2200 on a 3D TV so I could watch Resident Evil: Afterlife in 3D the day it was released to blu-ray.-Gliff

When I was in middle school I, in utter seriousness, believed in the Heart of the Cards and my ability to command my Beyblades' beasts. I made fun of my friends for not thinking the same.-Robert

I just smoked a bowl and started to play Halo Reach online. First game there's a player named whitneyyymarie. That is my real God damn name in real life. I am tripping balls right now. I even told the girl it freaked me out. I am so freaked out I turned off my xbox. What are the God damn chances?-Whitney-Marie

I strictly adhere to a one-beer policy if I have to drive. My friends often make fun of me for it. However, I received a Dragonball Z box set for Christmas in which disc 2 instead had the episodes of disc 5 on it. I was so pissed that I hopped in my car to retrieve the receipt from my aunt a few towns over, and then went to Best Buy to exchange it. I drank at least six beers before I made that journey.-Anonymous

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