Master Chief is Useless

Sorry for the quick thaw Master Chief; things are a little hectic right now. The disorientation should pas—

I'll take it from here! Alright, Chief! Before we get going, I need to know which armor ability you're going to use!

Armor ability?

I recommend using sprint! We need to get to destroy the Covenant fleet quickly before they do serious damage to our ship!

Well actually, Sarge, I don't have sprint.

That's okay, evade works just as well!

I don't have that either.

Ah! So the chief is a jetpack man!

I'm actually terribly afraid of heights.

…so you use active camo?

Nope.

Hologram?

Nope.

Drop shield??

I have a bubble shield I left lying around here somewhere before I got thawed if that counts.

That only leaves armor lock left…Chief, I didn't know you were a noob, but I respect that!

God dang it, don't you get it? My armor wasn't designed to have abilities.

Ha, that's nonsense! Hurry up and choose an armor ability because we gotta get going!

You're kidding me, right? You're our last and most advanced Spartan, and you don't have any f*cking armor abilities?! Who the hell was the genius behind that?!

Why are you always yelling?

I apologize, Chief. That was uncalled for. Here, just take this DMR and work your Spartan magic.

Um…I actually haven't been trained to use a DMR.

What was I thinking? Of course not! The Chief definitely uses a more advanced weapon! So what do you use?

Well, I did go through a rigorous assault rifle handing class for a couple months.

This is pathetic. Do you do anything that us normal soldiers can't do??

Now that you mention it, I do throw a pretty mean plasma grenade.

That's it?

Oh, and I have a pretty badass voice.

I can't argue with that.