The 20 Best Dorkly Articles of 2013 (#20 - #11)

By Staff / December 24, 2013

The 20 Best Dorkly Articles of 2013 20 11

 

20. 45 Examples of Realistic Videogame Characters

The 20 Best Dorkly Articles of 2013 20 11

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19. The Internet's Most Ridiculous GTA GIFs

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18. The 10 Most Miserable Creatures in the Pokemon World

The 10 Most Miserable Creatures in the Pokemon World - Image 15

The life of a Pokemon is not a good one: they wander aimlessly in the grass, the desert, and the sea, attacking literally anything that comes by. Inevitably, they will be brutally beaten and captured by a trainer, who will keep them in a tiny ball or trapped in some PC ("Bill's PC", or "Whatever PC" in later vesions). Then, if they're lucky enough to escape their Tron-esque digital nightmare world, they will occasionally be trotted out to battle other Pokemon - where they will be burnt, frozen, paralyzed, poisoned, and a million other horrible things - all so some loser trainer can win some badges. But, even among Pokemon, some are far more miserable than the others. They actually have lives that are significantly worse. Here are the 10 most miserable creatures in Pokemon.

10. Igglybuff

The 10 Most Miserable Creatures in Pokemon - Image 1

"It has a soft and bouncy body. Once it starts bouncing, it becomes impossible to stop.(Pokemon Diamond)

Igglybuff looks like the happiest, most joy-filled Pokemon creature ever. And it very well might be! For the precious few moments of its life when it's still, that is. Because the second it bounces, that's it - it bounces forever. It's entire life is constant, perpetual motion - in total defiance of Newton's laws - that is wholly unstoppable, like some terrible amusement park ride that never ends. Plus, its name is Igglybuff and it's a weaker version of Jigglypuff. It doesn't get much worse than that.

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17. The 10 Most Absurdly Powerful Pokemon In Existence

10 of the Most Absurdly Powerful Creatures in the Pokemon World

The most incredible thing about Pokemon (beyond how many Pokemon articles the internet will tolerate) is that, somehow, humanity has enslaved them. These are super-powered animals that should have easily conquered this planet of puny homo sapiens long ago. Yet for whatever reason, they listen to our commands without question and battle each other for our own amusement. But a few of them have no excuse - they're described as so insanely powerful, it's incredible that they haven't risen up and smashed us into oblivion. These are the 10 Pokemon that are too ridiculously-strong for their (and our) own good.

 

10. Magcargo

10 of the Most Absurdly Powerful Creatures in the Pokemon World

Magcargo's body temperature is approximately 18,000 degrees F. Water is vaporized on contact. If this Pokémon is caught in the rain, the raindrops instantly turn into steam, cloaking the area in a thick fog. (Sapphire)


Okay - the surface of the sun is approximately 10,000 degrees F. Which means (*adjusts tie*) MAGCARGO IS NEARLY TWICE AS HOT AS THE SUN. You know that Smashmouth song, "Might As Well Be Walkin' On The Sun?" That's more realistic than being anywhere near Magcargo, since this lava slug thing is literally ALMOST TWICE AS HOT AS THE FREAKIN SUN. SOL, THE CENTER OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM, IS PRETTY DAMN CHILLY COMPARED TO THIS SINGLE INDIVIDUAL POKEMON.

Although, just to test it out, we should probably send the members of Smashmouth to confirm.

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16. Things Worth Less Than What Grand Theft Auto V Made in One Day

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