Covenant Armor is Stupid

Hierarch! I have returned from battle. I have slain many humans and have brought honor and glory to the Covenant!

Excellent work, my child. I hereby promote you to the rank of General.

Yessss!

And, as befitting a warrior of your stature, you will be given this glorious golden armor to wear into battle.

Um.

And this giant golden helmet. And this light-up energy sword.

Actually…

Next!

Hang on. Don't we have a camouflage pattern, or-

NEXT!

Wait, don't you think this is a little showy for a soldier's uniform? It doesn't really blend into the battlefield. Actually, now that I think about it, nothing we own does.

YOU DARE QUESTION YOUR PROPHET?

No! Never! It's just… I don't want to be standing out in the woods in bright gold armor like a big shiny bullet-magnet.

A true warrior is without fear! Besides, you'll blend in with our brightly-colored turrets and bunkers and vehicles…

…and guns, and towers, and comm relays, and everything else, for forerunners' sake. Even our bullets look like flying glow sticks!

Ah, but we have technology that makes our soldiers completely invisible!

Yeah, and you gave it to like two guys. Meanwhile the rest of us are riding around in a giant purple spider that vomits green lasers. It's not very subtle.

But effective!

Yeah, maybe, if its weak spot didn't shine like a halogen lamp. Look, I'm just saying that maybe we'd be a better army if we employed stealth once in a while. Maybe tone down the shiny purple theme a bit.

Ah, but imagine the horror the humans must feel, facing wave upon wave of bright violet tanks, iridescent fuchsia warships! The very colors of death and terror!

I think that might be a cultural thing, actually.

Do the humans not defecate themselves in fear of our purple tanks?

Mostly they just open fire. Or laugh, and then open fire. I could show you if you want, they're just over the next ridge.

They're that close? Impossible! Why didn't we see them coming?

See, this goes back to the camouflage thing I was talking about before. Their guys are all dressed in grays and greens. As it turns out? Very hard to spot.

Hmm… your words intrigue me, general. Perhaps I require your services in an even higher office. You will become part of my personal honor guard.

Really? Oh, wow! That's so- wait. What does the uniform look like?