The Dorklyst: The 10 Most Corrupt Cops in Videogame History

By Bob Mackey / May 31, 2013

7. Negligent Cop (Urban Champion)

The 10 Most Corrupt Cops in Videogame History

Urban Champion never makes a stab at realism; heck, its portrayal of American cities seems to be informed entirely by old Popeye cartoons. But even with Urban Champion's adorable and family friendly portrayals of street violence, Nintendo still manages to condemn the inattentive police force contributing to the decay of our inner cities. Case in point: the game's infamous negligent cop serves only to delay violence, as he'll kindly look the other way so long as nothing aggressively conspicuous happens during his beat. After all, those sweaty, bruised, bloody, and out-of-breath thugs are only involved in mildly suspicious whistling — what's the point of investigation? But really, the cops in Urban Champion might not be as naive as you'd think; let the time limit expire, and the player with the least health gets hauled away in a cruiser. Clearly, the dystopian city of Urban Champion favors the strong.

6. Police Chief Brian Irons (Resident Evil 2)

The 10 Most Corrupt Cops in Videogame History

Police Chief Brian Irons might not have received a Matrix-style makeover a la Albert Wesker, but he remains one of the creepiest villains that the Resident Evil series has brought us so far. His villainy is a bit more bureaucratic than flashy, though, as most of his dirty deeds can be related to the cover-up that allowed the Umbrella corporation to continue their affronts to god in the sleepy little city named after raccoons for some reason. But that doesn't mean Chief Irons lacks a flair for the dramatic; he's first introduced pining over the body of the mayor's dead daughter, who he kidnapped for the purposes of stuffing and mounting — the taxidermy kind, not the necrophilia kind. And his tenuous grasp on reality does its best to justify the lack of logic in the Raccoon City police Department's layout and its statuary based locking mechanisms. From the wisdom of ancient, yellowed faxlore: you don't have to be crazy to work there, but it helps.

5. Captain Onishima (Jet Set Radio)

The 10 Most Corrupt Cops in Videogame History

More than a decade before Occupy Wall Street, Jet Set Radio taught an audience of young people that civil disobedience is often met with hilariously disproportionate force. Captain Onishima serves as the game's central antagonist, and some of Jet Set's most harried moments typically involve spraying stylish tags while dealing with his army of violent goons a few seconds away from stopping you. And while the legions of helmeted stormtroopers can easily be dodged and humiliated, the tanks, snipers, and helicopters eventually dispatched to murder you require more advanced strategies. All the while, you'll find Captain Onishima in the center of this chaos, taking potshots at anything remotely hip and teenlike with his oversized revolver. So where did Jet Set's youth movement succeed where Occupy failed? The answer, simply, is music. While Radio's group of outlaws found themselves fueled by an eclectic and exuberant rap-pop soundtrack, today's civil disobedients only have the monotonous chant of "we shall overcome" to fall back on.

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