The Dorklyst: The 8 Worst Videogame Raps in Marketing History

By Andrew Bridgman / April 26, 2013

2. Def Jam Rapstar (with Hulk Hogan)

If you're releasing a game called Def Jam Rapstar, the advertising should be incredibly simple: use actual professional rappers or regular people who can rap, have them legitimately rap. Show off your licensed songs, show talented people rapping, and give the audience the false impression that maybe they'll be able to hold their own in a rap karaoke game too.

Or, ya know, have Hulk Hogan show off his spray-tanned balls with his daughter right next to him.

And that's a path they chose. The one thing you don't wanna do (and this applies to virtually every product ever) is have over-the-hill era Hulk Hogan and his daughter awkwardly rap along and drop Biggie Smalls references, followed by flashing the Hulkster's orange, leathery testicles at the camera.

Choicest Lyrics:

  • No, this is dedicated to YOU, Biggie Smalls.
  • It's all about me and Biggie Smalls, keepin' it real.
  • Hey-ohhh! Hey-ohhh!

1. All I Want For Xmas Is My PSP

This is a very special ad: it might be the absolute worst videogame ad ever. Forget "worst rap videogame ad" – this goes above and beyond the call and delivers the most misguided attempt at stealth marketing that the world may ever experience. Let's lay it out like this:

  1. The rap still sounds like it was written by a group of corporate executives who had just Bing-searched "rap slang" in their AOL browser window – except now it has the production value of a vlogger who just learned the fade effect in Windows Movie Maker.
  2. The rap doesn't make a whole lot of sense – the guy loves the PSP, going on about the big screen and how amazing the games are (and he even has the outer frame of a PSP for some reason?). But then the whole thrust of the song turns to how he doesn't actually have a PSP at all and is going to bug his mom to buy him one for Christmas? The dude has a ton of money that he's counting for no reason – why not just buy yourself a PSP?
  3. The entire thing was revealed to be a stealth attempt by a firm called Zipatoni (hired by Sony) at creating a "viral sensation," where kids would blog about how they bugged their parents to buy them a PSP for Christmas too. But the rap came across as so obviously fake and staged that the entire operation was blown open almost immediately.

Someone really should have told Sony there are few things less cool than vloggers rapping about how they're gonna ask their moms to buy them a handheld gaming device for Christmas.

Choicest Lyrics:

Gotta ask my mom for one.For sheezy.PSP! PSP! PSP! PSP!

Filed Under   rap   the dorklyst   dorklyst
Comments ()