The 10 Most Miserable Creatures in the Pokemon World

By Andrew Bridgman / February 20, 2013
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The life of a Pokemon is not a good one: they wander aimlessly in the grass, the desert, and the sea, attacking literally anything that comes by. Inevitably, they will be brutally beaten and captured by a trainer, who will keep them in a tiny ball or trapped in some PC ("Bill's PC", or "Whatever PC" in later vesions). Then, if they're lucky enough to escape their Tron-esque digital nightmare world, they will occasionally be trotted out to battle other Pokemon – where they will be burnt, frozen, paralyzed, poisoned, and a million other horrible things – all so some loser trainer can win some badges. But, even among Pokemon, some are far more miserable than the others. They actually have lives that are significantly worse. Here are the 10 most miserable creatures in Pokemon.

10. Igglybuff

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"It has a soft and bouncy body. Once it starts bouncing, it becomes impossible to stop." (Pokemon Diamond)

Igglybuff looks like the happiest, most joy-filled Pokemon creature ever. And it very well might be! For the precious few moments of its life when it's still, that is. Because the second it bounces, that's it – it bounces forever. It's entire life is constant, perpetual motion – in total defiance of Newton's laws – that is wholly unstoppable, like some terrible amusement park ride that never ends. Plus, its name is Igglybuff and it's a weaker version of Jigglypuff. It doesn't get much worse than that.

9. Snorlax

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"It is not satisfied unless it eats over 880 pounds of food every day. When it is done eating, it goes promptly to sleep." (Pokemon FireRed)

Snorlax's life consists of two things: eating and sleeping. Sounds pretty ideal, right? Wrong. Finding 880 pounds of food PER DAY, would be an impossible task for any able-bodied person, let alone a wildly overweight animal that has no known food sources (seriously – what do Pokemon eat? Fruits and vegetables? If they ever eat any meat, it would mean they eat each other?). And once it eats this insane amount of food each day, it collapses whereever it finds itself – such as in the middle of the road, leaving passing trainers two options: beat it to the edge of death, or capture it and use it as a slave-fighter.

8. Nosepass

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"If two of these meet, they cannot get too close because their noses repel each other." (Pokemon HeartGold)

"Its nose is a magnet. As a result, this Pokémon always keeps its face pointing north." (Pokemon Diamond)

Nosepasses can only look North. Imagine only being able to face one direction for your entire life. At least no one can really pull that "tap you on the back, then run in front of you so you won't know who actually tapped you" prank on them.

What's probably even worse, Nosepasses can't ever get close enough to have a conversation, hug, or anything – god forbid they ever dream about an Eskimo kiss (which would be double-impossible actually, given they can never face each other because that would require one of them to be facing South). But worse, this makes it sound like they would have a hell of a time ever engaging in the act of love-making, unless they have extraordinarily long genitals that also would have to be on the side of their bodies. And really, the less we all think about Pokemon genitalia, the better.

7. Magikarp

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"Magikarp is a pathetic excuse for a Pokémon that is only capable of flopping and splashing. This behavior prompted scientists to undertake research into it." (Pokemon Ruby)

"It is virtually worthless in terms of both power and speed. It is the most weak and pathetic Pokémon in the world." (Pokemon FireRed)

"It is said to be the world's weakest Pokémon. No one knows why it has managed to survive." (Pokemon Diamond)

"For no reason, it jumps and splashes about, making it easy for predators like Pidgeotto to catch it mid-jump." (Pokemon Silver)

Wow. Not only is Magikarp pretty much entirely unable to defend itself in battle, it also can't defend itself against the really unnecessarily harsh slander by whoever writes the Pokedex entries. I mean, they don't even treat Luvdisc this badly. Magikarp is helpless, the laughing stock of the entire Pokemon universe, and has one of the few instances where it is confirmed that Pokemon eat each other. At least it gets to turn into a dragon. An enslaved-by-a-child dragon, but still.

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