Max Payne's Morning Schedule

By Andrew Bridgman / November 27, 2012

Max Paynes Morning Schedule - Image 2


 - Image 1

6:00 – Wake up, hungover from a night of drinking whiskey and remembering painful memories.

6:01 – Vomit, providing melancholy narration between hurls.

6:15 – Breakfast! Half a grapefruit, some Raisin Bran, and a handle of the cheapest whiskey available.

6:45 – Stare mournfully at a photo of Mona and Rose

6:55 – Stare joyfully at a photo of the handle of whiskey he just drank

7:05 – Work on a sudoku, 2nd handle of whiskey

Max Paynes Morning Schedule - Image 2
7:37 – Put on a finely tailored suit.

7:38 – Vomit whiskey all over finely tailored suit

7:45 – Carpool to work with Passos.

8:10 – Narrate the drive until Passos says "stop being so noir, dude."

8:15 – Think about cosplaying Zach Galifianakis from The Hangover Part 2

8:24 – Remember murdering the entire New Jersey mafia in a 24 hour period over a bar fight

Max Paynes Morning Schedule - Image 2
8:25 – Whiskey break!

8:30 – Punch in at work.

8:35 – Duck behind sofa as armed kidnappers swarm the building.

9:00 – Finish murdering the 40th kidnapper by diving through a plate glass window and unloading his pistol directly into the kidnapper's brain

9:02 – Land

Max Paynes Morning Schedule - Image 2
9:25 – Get killed by the group of kidnappers after taking 20 bullets to the chest.

9:26 – While collapsing, shoot the kidnapper who delivered your death shot.

9:26:30 – Down an entire bottle of painkillers.

9:27 – Takes a moment to appreciate the beauty of life.

9:28 – Continue murdering anything that moves.

9:45 – Save the entire family from the army of a hundred kidnappers singlehandedly.

10:05 – Get chided for almost letting the kidnappers get away.

10:06 – rest of the day – Whiskey break

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