10. Sega Saturn Theater of the Eye
Sega Saturn's obsession with associating itself with total organ failure continues, where anthromorphized representations of your cells and organs go out of control upon seeing a Sega Saturn in action. It's being way, way too obtuse for what it should be as a videogame commercial, but it manages to hold on and make its point, for the most part up until the end, where the sphincter is literally being crushed to death by what appears to be a way cleaner version of the garbage disposal from Star Wars.
"Get a Sega Saturn! Your nervous system will be in total disarray and you won't be able to poop for weeks!"
9. XBOX Life
Whoa. Deep. I guess being shot out of the womb at rocket speed, aging to your 80s, and crash landing in your grave is a pretty good metaphor for our short lives upon this earth and a good way to encourage introspection about the meaning of existence and all, but I'm not sure how great it is at hawking a Halo-machine. There seems to be some insistence on not mentioning your console or giving any hint that you're a videogame ad in a lot of these, which is sort of self-defeating, since the goal isn't to make you re-live your philosophy finals, but to buy a videogame thing. Maybe that's just me though. Now excuse me while I cry into a pillow.
8. PS3 Baby
Hey, if you just made a commercial about a doll that now makes Chucky from Child's Play look like Woody from Toy Story, you have screwed up bad. Gamers, by and large, do not want to have night terrors inspired by your commercial. If it's at the service of the product, that's understandable (maybe you're advertising Amnesia or something), but in the past 5 years or so, I have yet to see a creepy crying baby doll anywhere near a PS3. Blatant false advertising, thank goodness.
7. Atari Jaguar
The Jaguar is 64 bits, therefore it is literally 4 times as good as the Super Nintendo (which is 16 bits), right? Yeah, it must be, because I did the math! Except, ya know, the Jaguar isn't exactly 64 bits, so the entire premise of the commercial and the edging-towards-a-nevous-breakdown teacher starts to fall apart pretty quickly. The Jaguar had a two 64-bit chips, but also a couple 16-bit and 32-bit chips. The end result was something less than advertised. But if there's any way to advertise videogames to kids, it's by having a teacher scream at them over and over with no regard for facts. Videogame Marketing 101, people.
6. Nintendo 64 Games
Hey kids! Nintendo has a bunch of fun, cool games (just trust us, we're not gonna show you any gameplay) and you should blackmail your parents into buying them for you! Maybe your dad is a secret transvestite! Use your intimate knowledge of his darkest secrets to extort him for like 40 bucks! It sounds crass, but betraying the trust of a parent in exchange for Super Smash Bros. is actually a small price to pay.