Pwn Up: I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

I don't celebrate Father's Day because my dad walked out on us before I was born. Recently I had finally picked up a copy of Fallout 3 and, on Father's Day, all my friends were doing father-related things – so I stayed home and played Fallout 3. I was at the part in the game where I was helping my characters dad with the water filtration missions and (SPOILER!) suddenly the Enclave showed up. So on Father's Day, I had to watch helplessly as my (videogame) father died. As a guy, I'm probably not supposed to admit this, but I cried. I had gotten so attached to this father character and now he was gone. I was supposed to follow Doctor Li out of the building but I didn't want to leave dad behind. I cried and wanted to load an earlier save file so I could have him back, but I had no other choice but to carry on. I have decided I will not rest until I hunt down and kill everyone in the Enclave.
-DudeNoob

After having sex for the first time at a friend of mine's grad party, I waited until my one night stand left the bedroom to take out my iPhone and play the "Credits Concerto (Ending theme)" from Donkey Kong Country.
-Randy

One time, I had a hard math test for which we needed a calculator. I had forgotten mine that day, so I asked around to see if anyone could loan me one. Unfortunately, no one could. Then, I remembered I had brought my DS with me and I had Pokémon Platinum on it. Thanks to the Pokétch calculator, I could finish the test and I could tell my friends that Pokémon had helped me through it.
-Anonymous

Most nights me and my boyfriend stay up and play games. For the most part of last Christmas we played through Fallout 3 and New Vegas. Around the same time I got a new job and would have to go to bed earlier than my boyfriend, so I would go to sleep with the sounds and lights of Fallout in the background. We always did the same thing each night: with me sleeping and my boyfriend playing. It soon got to the point when I couldn't sleep unless he was playing Fallout.

One night he was tired and decided to go to bed when I did, it was so hard to sleep I had to make my boyfriend get out and play Fallout. Eventually he finished both games, so now he has to play Skyrim.
-Lisa

Now I'm not a fan of religion, but I have to admit that kids who have been brought up with the fear of God in them tend to be more well-behaved. Seeing as I don't want my children to be blinded by religion, but at the same time want them to be brought up properly, I decided that my children should be brought up with the fear of Batman in them. I've told them that if they ever lie, cheat, or steal, then Batman would beat the snot out of them and lock them in Arkham with The Joker and all the other bad guys.
-Ob

And the winner of this week's "Cool Gaming and/or Nerd Tattoo Ha Just Kidding No Tattoos This Week" Award is…

After watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on Nick at Nite, I thought it would be cool to adapt lyrics to be about Zelda. This took me about 2 hours:

Now, this is the legend all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit by the fairy pool
I'll tell you how I became the hero of a place called Hyrule

In Kokiri Forest I was raised
By the Great Deku Tree is where I spent most of my days
Without a fairy I looked like quite a fool
(although little did I know I came from Hyrule)
When a big scary guy
Who was crazy with power
Turned my forest home life pretty darn sour
I raised the Master Sword up and my life took some veers
And I was stuck to the Sacred Realm for seven whole years
I slept and waited there day after day
I couldn't pack a suitcase, they just sent me away
Then seven years later, they sent me back down
And I woke up there just lying, right on the ground

Monsters everywhere, yo this is bad
Dead people everywhere makin me sad
Everything turned to crap and nothin' is right
Uh-oh, look over there, another tektite!

Well, uh, I beat the temples and when I came out
Theis dude was just standing there callin my name out
I wanna learn another song, man,
But before I could speak
He disappeared quickly, see ya later, Sheik.

I called for Epona and when she came near
The saddle was fresh and gave big cheer
That dude was a chick but she gave me no hassle
So I said 'Man forget it' — Let's go to the Castle!"

I beat up Ol' Ganondorf and he coughed up some blood
And I then I killed Ganon and he fell with a thud
The Sages came down,
Capes all a-flappin'
They sent me back home
Like the quest didn't happen
-Evan