The Dorklyst: The 11 Most Shocking Deaths in Videogame History

October 2, 2010


Permanent death is one of the most shocking things that can happen in a videogame – mainly because we grew up in an age where new life was just a quick continue away. Here's a tribute to 11 of the characters whose moms wouldn't give them any more quarters. Warning: Most of these games are pretty old, but may contain spoilers if you're totally out of the loop.


11.



It's a good thing there's no fall damage in FFVII, or Sephiroth probably would have broken both of his legs and we wouldn't have the most shocking death in VG history. Actually, Sephiroth probably would've died and then THAT would be the most shocking death in VG history. And probably the grossest. Whoever heard of someone going to a place of worship only to be unexpectedly penetrated? …Don't answer that.

10.



Roman's death shouldn't have bothered us that much. He was pretty much just a human, fat, Yugoslavian combination of Navi and Natalya, except he always wanted to go to strip clubs or bowling. So, a kind of awesome combination, but still annoying and always in need of rescuing. RIP Roman Bellic – Husband, Cousin, Friend. Do not weep for him, for he is ogling titties in Heaven now (or not, otherwise RIP Kate).

9.



After finding out that Lavos destroys the world in the strange, techno-ravaged, far-off future of 1999 A.D., Crono and his posse travel to the ancient Kingdom of Zeal and are confronted by the most horrifying one-eyed monster since…well, that's not really a sentence I want to complete. Crono bravely stood up to Lavos, but died a quick and probably painful 16-bit death. Luckily, if you won that creepy, Crono-replica clone at the local fair, you can use it to revive the real Crono. It's a good thing it isn't like any of the fairs I'd ever been to, or they would've had to revive Crono as a Taiwan-made, stuffed Tazmanian Devil.

8.



Life isn't easy in Eternal Darkness, but dying sure is. Practically each character you play as dies a pretty grisly death, but none as brutal and unexpected as Paul Luther. He was just a simple Franciscan monk trying to figure out what bad things were going on in a church. And right when he figures it out, he is either crushed by the Black Guardian or he suffers the ultimate headshot. Also easy in Eternal Darkness: Going crazy when the game appears to delete your saved game and throwing your stupid Gamecube against the wall, only to find out that's just the game playing a prank on you. Very funny, game. Let's just see how much you like the used games bin at Gamestop.

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