7 Reasons it Sucks Living in an RPG World

By Andy Grossman / March 20, 2012
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Role-playing games, be they Japanese or fun, are designed to present a captivating world for your characters to explore. Whether they be frozen fantasy landscapes, lush magic jungles, or neon space futures, good RPG worlds can make you want to leave your dreary 9-5s behind and fight an evil empire or encroaching alien menace. Unfortunately, that's the only good part about living in a role-playing world. Everything else is terrible.

7. Heroes Steal From You

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As a meager dirt farmer, you have spent years scraping to buy medicine for your sick wife. Sure, it meant living in a one-room house without a bathroom, but it's worth it for her. And who knows? Word has it the Chosen One is passing through town. Seeing him could boost your wife's spirits! In fact, here he comes now!

"Hello, Chosen One! Welcome to our village!" you say before he smashes your pots and chests, stealing all your medicine and the only three gold pieces keeping you from homelessness. He has thousands of gold pieces, and powerful medicine he'll never even use during the final battle because it's too valuable, but he takes your goods anyway.

6. Shops Don't Sell Anything You Want

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Happy Birthday! You get a gun-sword and a bag of potato seeds! What? You wanted a new watch? Too bad! Your village shop only sells pain killers, pain makers, and onions. Even though you've lived in your town your whole life, the sales folks only market their goods to strangers passing through for 15 minutes. If you've got a few hundred gold pieces, maybe you could buy some shields and use them as cereal bowls. Except there's no cereal or spoons either.

5. Everyone You Know Is A Taker

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Nobody just talks about the weather or how the local jousting team is getting on. Hell no. If they're talking to you, they need a favor, done immediately. You can't go to one dinner party without someone asking you to find some damn artifact that releases the curse on their children. Trying to be polite just drags out a tearjerker life story about love and loss that ends in a request to kill the lich who used to be their dead lover.

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