Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
The Skyrim NPC, Grelod the Kind, reminds me so much of my dad's mother. I detest her. I had to reload the game several times until I felt I'd killed her perfectly. Basically, I decapitated her, stripped all her loot, Fus Ro Dah-ed her body into the fireplace, and placed her head on the kitchen table. I wanted to put her head on the cooking pot, but it was too hard to balance. And just to make sure she wouldn't rest in peace, I placed her soul in a soul gem. Then I stored it in my inventory for safe keeping.
I hate you grandma.
-Angry Asian guy who hates his dad's mother
My university chokes your Internet if you use an unusual amount of bandwidth. I received a letter recently due to my over-use. It demanded an explanation. I had to go to the student union and explain that I'd been staying up all night, every night, watching Dragonball Z episodes online.
Every other weekend, my dad sends me to help tend the horses at my uncle's ranch. It's his way of trying to get me away from gaming culture and shape me into a man. I've been doing it for months. He thinks it's working. It's not. When everyone leaves, I ride my horse to the Shadow of the Colossus soundtrack while waving a stick and shouting "Agro!"
My favorite thing about being a med student is being able to tell my brother Jim, "Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a _________."
My boyfriend got real drunk on New Years and insisted we play Super Mario 3 before going to bed. He said he wanted to get one last game in, in case the world ended. The first castle fell on my turn. I decided to skip the warp whistle. When I went through the door to head toward the boss instead, my boyfriend screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?!?!" Then he cried for like 15 minutes. The next morning, he didn't remember any of it.
My girlfriend came up with the idea that we should have two kids and their names should start with an A and a T. Our names start with A and T already. We'd be able to refer to our family as an AT-AT.
-Amanda + Tim
Back in my Sega Genesis days, my brother and I had a very competitive multi-team season in Triple Play '96. We played all 162 games every season. He was the Cubs, and I was the Orioles. The game is hilariously easy, so we each had a player leading the league in home runs. Now, in Triple Play '96, if your player gets injured, he'll hobble slowly to the bases. If you don't take them out they'll be unavailable for future games. I vividly remember balling my eyes out when I saw my slugger Bobby Bonilla fly out to shallow center and hobble over to first base. My bro consoled me at the time, but I know he was happy inside. There was no one left to challenge the numbers his Leo Gomez would put up.
I asked a girl to my school prom via Minecraft. I started with a super-flat world and TNTed the grass off 3/4 of a map. That's a huge area. Then I wrote my message in lava, water, giant mushrooms, sand and diamonds. She said she'd have to think about it. It's been three weeks. I hope this online plea will help me get a response.