Videogame Protagonists Team Up

September 27, 2010
  1. Mario

    Okay everyone, let's-a sit down. Now we all know-a why we're here. We're-a getting sick of fighting like a thousand enemies apiece with-a no help.

  2. Sonic

    He's right, it sucks. It's even worse for those of us who can only be hit one time. We need to group together and sweep through everything, one world at a time.

  3. Tails

    But Sonic, you already have help-

  4. Sonic

    (angry whisper) Dammit Tails, how many times to I have to tell you, you speak when spoken to.

  5. Mario

    Okay, each of us has-a skills that will come in handy for the group.

  6. Master Chief

    I can get behind the wheel of literally any vehicle and pilot it with ease. You need a wheelman, I'm your guy.

  7. Sonic

    I can run really fast. I could scout for the group.

  8. Mega Man

    I'm a pretty good tinkerer. I can make something useful out of what's basically scraps from destroyed robots, so I could do gadgets.

  9. Sam Fisher

    I have a knack for getting into places unnoticed. I could gather intel, or sabotage a place.

  10. Nathan Drake

    I can climb places no other human being could possibly climb, and cling to tiny ledges with just my fingertips for basically as long as I want. I think I'd make a pretty good sentry.

  11. Altair

    Yeah, I can kinda do the same stuff as those two. If they need help I could give either of them a hand.

  12. Ezio

    Same here.

  13. Mario

    Alright! Now we're-a getting somewhere!

  14. Prince of Persia

    I pretty much made time my bitch a long time ago. Anyone needs something done along those lines, I could help.

  15. Dante

    I think I'd be useful on the bomb squad. I have a tendency to never be killed by what should be fatal injuries. No lie, I've been stabbed in the heart by demon swords about a half dozen times. Never bothered me much. So if collateral damage isn't a big deal, I can just go set off any mines or bombs we find.

  16. Samus

    I wouldn't worry about collateral damage, in my experience most buildings are totally indestructible.

  17. Mario looks at the back of the room, where a handful of characters silently sit.

  18. Mario

    Come on guys, don't-a be shy. Speak up.

  19. Niko Bellic

    Well…I'm pretty good at killing things. So you know…there's that.

  20. Mario

    Well that's not such a big-a deal, we're all good at that.

  21. Niko

    Okay, so maybe we should just go with what we know. Everyone work together to kill stuff, as a big group.

  22. Kratos

    I like the way this guy thinks.

  23. Mario

    Now let's-a just hold on-

  24. Link

    Let's hear him out, I kinda like this idea. I'm pretty good at killing stuff, too.

  25. Master Chief

    Yeah, I'm way better at killing than driving.

  26. Mega Man

    Killing stuff is how I get my robot scraps. And all I ever really make with them is weapons anyway, which I then use to go kill more stuff.

  27. Solid Snake

    Killing works for me.

  28. Marcus Fenix

    Then it's settled. Everyone team up, and just kill the hell out of everything we see. Mario, since this was your idea, we'll start with the Mushroom Kingdom.

  29. Mario

    This isn't exactly what I had in mind, but I guess it's-a better than killing everything all by myself. Okay everybody, let's-a-go!

  30. With the help of his army of protagonists, Mario fights his way to the final castle in 3 minutes.

  31. Bowser

    Mario, we meet again – who the hell are all these people?

  32. Mario

    Fire!

  33. The group immediately demolishes Bowser with a hurricane of gunshots, thrown weapons, magic spells and melee attacks.

  34. Mario

    That…was…a-freaking awesome!

  35. Link

    Too bad Ryu and Sub-Zero didn't come along.

  36. Solid Snake

    Yeah, I talked to them about that. Apparently beating everyone by themselves is kinda the whole point for them.

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