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What a Zerg Rush Really Sounds Like

August 2, 2010

  1. The egg bursts open- the larvae is now a terrifying zergling, ready to do the bidding of the Hivemind.

  2. Zergling 1

    Oh God that was gross.

  3. Zergling 2

    Yea… By the way, some things happened back in the egg-

  4. Zergling 1

    Lets just forget about it, k?

  5. Zergling 2

    Yea… but it was good for you right?

  6. Zergling 1

    Gary, I thought we said-

  7. An ancient voice from an unseen presence reaches the 6 zerglings.

  8. Hivemind

    Ok, that's enough. Too long have we waited in the shadows- plotting our return has taken millennia and now we are ready. Now we will sweep over this planet in an awesome pestilence. The evolution is complete and now we can- where's the sixth of you?

  9. Zergling 3

    He said he "required more vespene gas" and then he just kind of ran off.

  10. Zergling 6 stumbles in and collapses on the creep- muttering about Robot-Chicken, peanut butter and Pringles.

  11. Hivemind

    Christ… Ok just attack.

  12. Zergling 2

    Ok, I can get behind that-

  13. Hivemind

    Now.

  14. Zergling 1

    Right, now?

  15. Hivemind

    Are you questioning the Hivemind?

  16. Zergling 6

    Don't you question that Hivemind!

  17. Zergling 1

    Why do you always pretend to be Tyler Perry's Madea when you get high?

  18. Hivemind

    I don't see any rushing… this is a 'zerg-rush' you know.

  19. Zergling 2

    No, we just thought… well sir-

  20. Hivemind

    I'm a woman.

  21. Zergling 2

    Oh- umm, ma'am… we just thought we could wait a little. I mean, its pretty dark out there- and we're… well, if I can be honest, we're kind of bitches.

  22. Zergling 3

    Plus, we don't even have any creep.

  23. Zergling 4

    You gotta have creep.

  24. Zergling 5

    Creep is a must.

  25. Hivemind

    I said go!

  26. The zerglings head out into the fog of war.

  27. Zergling 6

    "On the road again…"

  28. Zergling 1

    Who brought Tom? Tell him to stop singing- holy shit, a building. Ok, so now what?

  29. Hivemind

    Perfect, their command center is undefended. Bash your head against it.

  30. Zergling 2

    Excuse me?

  31. Hivemind

    You know, kind of lunge and slam your head against the side of it.

  32. Zergling 3

    This was your plan?

  33. Hivemind

    We'll I just thought that if you all bashed your head against it enough-

  34. Zergling 6 launches himself at the Steel-alloy hull of the Terran Command Center- and falls to the ground, bleeding and concussed.

  35. Zergling 2

    This was a phenomenal plan.

  36. Hivemind

    It's not my fault. You guys aren't Korean- only Korean zerglings can pull off a zerg rush.

  37. Zergling 1

    What's a Korean?

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