The Dorklyst: 7 Of The Cheapest Boss Fights In Video Game History

By Sophie Prell / September 14, 2011


Many of us gamers bemoan the lack of challenging battles in today's games. It seems that the controller-chuckingly stressful boss fights of yesteryear have been largely replaced by streamlined QTEs, cutscenes, and a significant drop in difficulty in order to appeal to a broader audience. Well, prepare to retrospectively grind your teeth in agony, because this is a tribute to seven of the cheapest boss fights in video game history. Not including SNK bosses; those gloryhounds already got the very concept of cheap bosses named after them.


7. Death Egg (Sonic The Hedgehog 2)


Once you actually learned things like "timing" and "spatial awareness," this fight wasn't all that hard. But Sonic The Hedgehog 2 came out in 1992, meaning you were probably just barely old enough to understand simple concepts like "Robotnik bad," "Must beat Robotnik," and "Jump at bad things." Couple this with the panic of running ring-less through the Death Egg Zone, taking on two bosses, and you have a recipe for hedgehog stew. Even the immortal Tails couldn't help on this final level!

Oh, and keep in mind that Genesis games like Sonic 2 didn't have a save system. If you failed enough times at this fight, you had to start the game completely over. It's a level and fight that neither I nor my grandmother's busted television will ever forget.

6. Anima (Final Fantasy X)


Oh sure, you could go in prepared for this fight, all knowing what to do and sh*t, and not break a sweat. Or you could play casually and find yourself facing an impossible battle with a fell beast torn from the world of Hellraiser. Seriously, Final Fantasy X is 99 percent rainbows, sparkling quetzalcoatls, and underwater soccer-playing Jamaicans who take hairstyle tips from There's Something About Mary. And then this unholy abomination gets dragged up from Hell with a grappling anchor.

Anima has only two attacks, both of which are magical in nature, and as you can imagine, they've got cheery names: Pain and Oblivion. Without proper spell resistance, Pain is an instant kill and Oblivion can typically deal 99,999 to 1,599,984 damage depending on your version of the game. What a nice lady to fight. Huh? You didn't know that? Oh yeah. That's totally a chick. And thus, there most assuredly must be pornography of it somewhere. Isn't the Internet fun?

5. Anubis (Zone of the Enders 1 & 2)


Take anime legends Dragonball Z, Robotech, and Neon Genesis Evangelion. Mash them all together and give the resulting putty to Metal Gear Solid creator and all-around mad scientist wannabe Hideo Kojima with one request: "Make something out of this." You'll get Zone of the Enders, a cult hit that pits transforming giant mechs in energy-blasting, sword-slashing, eye orgasm-inducing fights to the explosion-y death. You pilot Jehuty, a prototype mech that tops pretty much everything else out there.

But remember, Jehuty is a prototype. As in, not finished. No, that description goes to its "brother," Anubis. And while every fight against Anubis is an exercise in frustration, it's downright impossible in the first game. And in the sequel, without faster-than-lightning reflexes to save you, Anubis will teleport straight to Jehuty and smack it around a little, because the game revels in pushing your buttons.

The best part? Even if you're a superhuman gamer with thumbs capable of time travel and win before you're "supposed" to in ZoE 2, the game will still act as though you lost.

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