Pwn Up: Robot Unicorn a Cake

By Kevin Corrigan / August 26, 2011

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.

As soon as I heard about Kingdom Hearts 2, I knew I had to get it the day it came out. I was in middle school. I told my mom that it was such a huge game that she had to get me to the store two hours early to beat the line. She wouldn't stand for that. It was a 30 minute drive already. I settled for half an hour before the store opened. The only other people waiting were a college student and a grandma. Both of them were there for batteries.-L.T.

I fought with my girlfriend all the time when I was 16. She told me that she would move on if I didn't buy her a great birthday present. We were both huge Star Wars fans, so I gave her my custom-built lightsaber I'd made at Disney World a few years earlier. She dumped me and never gave it back.-Reid

I'm a fanfic writer. I love writing crossover fanfics. I once crossed the universes of the Odd Thomas series and Harry Potter. As time passed, I got no reviews. The problem was evident. Rare were the fans of Odd Thomas, and rarer were the fans of Odd Thomas fanfiction, let alone Odd Thomas, Harry Potter crossovers. One glorious day though, I received a long and stunning review from a fan of both who adored my story. I wrote her back. Now we're best friends.-Jess

A few weeks ago, a friend and I were preparing meals at a restaurant we worked at. We were getting ready to close. The place was deserted. We decided to have a contest to see who could make the best videogame reference in a meal. The loser had to do the dishes alone. He managed a Bangkok salad that looked like Link holding the triforce. I made a banana bread that, when sliced, displayed a screenshot of Kalimari Desert from Mario Kart 64. It's been three weeks. We've yet to decide a winner.-Alex (ed. note: The banana bread is the winner)

When I was 10 I had a Super Nintendo and one game, Super Mario World. I also had a crappy TV. It was 15-inch tube or something. It cut off the bottom of the picture. In Super Mario World there were whole levels where you could not see the ground. Instead of using the cape to fly through them, like any sane person, I memorized where all the pits were. I showed my crappy TV that I didn't need to see the ground to win. I saved Princess Peach and beat Star World, too.-Keenan

For my birthday last year, I went to Bellevue, Washington to tour the Valve corporation. Afterwards, we went to the Regent Bakery and Café in Redmond to get the same cake they used in Portal. As for presents, I got an orange crowbar, a homemade portal gun, and two copies of the Orange Box for Xbox 360 and PC.-Jasper

My friends don't know this, but I saved my virginity because I wanted to lose it to a Twi'lek cosplayer. I accomplished this goal at Gen Con this year.-T.H.

We commissioned this Robot Unicorn Attack cake from a local grocery store. I don't even want to know what the clerk thought about it.-Allison


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