The Dorklyst: The 13 Most Annoying Characters From Final Fantasy Games

July 21, 2010

10. Bartz Klauser (Final Fantasy V)


We get it; he wants to wander around the world. The only difference between him and every other recent college grad is a really big sword and a bunch of crystals. Don't be too impressed by all the crystal talk, the guys name is Bartz, not exactly the moniker of elegance. Did I mention his name was originally Butz? I guess when he went to go get his name changed, Fartz was already taken. It's too bad his parents are dead; they probably would have loved to see their kid try save the world in an outfit so flamboyant it makes Johnny Weir look like Clint Eastwood.

11. Cait Sith (Final Fantasy VII)


Your main character wields a sword the size of his body. The first character to join your party has a gun where his arm should be. Cait Sith is…a giant marshmallow-bat with a cat that sits on his head. What. The. Fuck. Well, at least the big goof is harmless, right? HAH! Shortly after joining your party, it's revealed that Cait Sith is actually a spy for Shinra, FFVII's "Big Brother". Sure, he repents in the end, but he's not easy to forgive; especially considering that you probably didn't like him in the first place. …Unless you grew up around some especially nice marshmallow-bats.

12. Zell Dincht (Final Fantasy VIII)


Every Final Fantasy has its comic relief character. And by "comic relief character" I mean "character that makes you want to jam the controller through your forehead." Zell spends the entirety of FFVIII incessantly talking, showing off, and searching for hot dogs. Seriously, part of the ending sequence is watching him choke on hot dogs. That's how terrible he is. Also, he has a tribal tattoo on his face and wears jeans that look like JNCOs. JNCOs.

13. Everyone (Final Fantasy XIII)


Hyperactive teenager? Check. Shitty comic relief character who's constantly cracking unfunny jokes? Check. A main character so emo that she makes Barrett look like Squall? Check. Even if you can get past these crappy Final Fantasy staples, you've got to deal with Hope and Snow — two of the most insufferable characters in Final Fantasy history. Hope is a whiner. Snow will not shut the fuck up about being a hero. Together they form the greatest coalition of crap that ever crapped. If you can successfully navigate through Final Fantasy XIII without grinding your teeth into a paste out of frustration, then you have unparalleled patience.

Or really bad taste in virtual companions.

Filed Under   final fantasy
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