Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
We begin this issue with a special message to commenter Joe Banana: You've won the "Pwn Up Commenter Lifetime Achievement Award," for commenting "lol. nerds." on every issue of Pwn Up from 64 to 87, except issue 67 for some reason. To put that into perspective, Joe Banana made sure to be at his computer to comment nearly every Friday from Feb 18 to Aug 5. That's 23 straight weeks. He's spent almost half a year on this project. Joe Banana's unceasing dedication to the meaningless, repetitive task of trolling an Internet message board has solidified his nerd status. Joe Banana, this week you may "lol. nerds." at yourself. Congratulations.
I worked at an elementary summer-school program in July. One day, we were going over the planets during a science lesson. The kids had to fill in the missing planets and their characteristics. One kid drew Namek and a bunch of Namekians instead of Neptune. I thought it was so funny that I left it that way.
Every time I read an Pwn Up post about someone's girlfriend, I die a little inside. Only the nerdiest guys get featured here, and even they have/had girlfriends. I have not. Ever.
-K9 (ed. note: If it makes you feel better, K9, this is a common submission)
When I was about 16, I was dating this guy who let me borrow Star Ocean 2. I loved that game. I played it all the time. After a month of dating, I heard from a mutual friend that he was upset because I was spending so little time with him. He was planning on breaking up with me because I played too much Star Ocean 2. I got pissed. I wasn't about to change my ways. Instead, I got my best friend to make a move on him. When I caught them I flew into a "surprised" rage, kicked him out of my house, told him I never wanted to see him again and kept his game. I'm 24 now and I still have it. I know, I'm conniving. I did feel bad, but then again he was willing to cheat on me with my best friend, so he's kind of a dick anyway, right? Right!
When I was in kindergarten, our teacher asked us all what we wanted to be when we grew up. I loved my SNES when I was little. I said I wanted to be Earthworm Jim. She didn't know what that was. During parent-teacher conferences, she told my parents that I'd said I wanted to be a gym teacher.
When I was in college, one of my best friends gave me a Legend of Zelda t-shirt. I always wore it to the cafeteria as an ice breaker to talk to guys.
It's common knowledge that Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion has a lot of NPCs. There are 634 of them. To keep track of which ones I'd met and which I hadn't, I created a database. When I came across an NPC, I would input their details into an Excel file. I recorded their first name, surname, race, profession, location, date of death (if applicable), date I first met them, date I last saw them, and a small paragraph description. I spent more time inputting NPC details than playing the game. When I found out the game had its own Wiki, which was written in greater detail than my personal database, I was devastated.
Several months ago, I saw a video of a playable Angry Birds cake. I sent it to my mother, jokingly asking if she'd make me one for my birthday. She actually did it. She traveled 200 miles to my college, made the cake in secret in my kitchen whilst I was at an exam, and surprised me with it when I got back. It was the highlight of my 21st birthday.