Ganon's Henchmen Speak Up

OK. No further new business so I'll open this meeting to public forum.

I have a question. So, as you know, I was born with this green crystal in the middle of my head. It's the only part of my body that's not impervious to damage. It's why I wear this helmet.

Of course. I built that helmet. It's a masterpiece of craftsmanship. It can only be cracked by the most magical of hammers.

That's what I wanted to talk about. You keep a magic hammer in the Palace of Darkness, which is the palace I'm assigned to. I feel like maybe you could keep it in the Swamp of evil, or even throw it in the Lake of Ill Omen…

Relax. Helmasaur, you have nothing to worry about. That hammer is locked in a special treasure chest that can only be opened by one key.

Right, but that key is in my dungeon, too. It's in a treasure chest that can be opened by any key. And once you have that, all you have to do is find your way through a dark room to get the hammer.

It hasn't been a problem yet.

No one has attacked us yet. I'm just saying, maybe I should guard the hammer, or the key, or both.

You're guarding one of the seven maidens. You have enough to worry about.

OK, but why have that other stuff in there at all? And why do I need to stay in the most remote room in the dungeon? It would make more sense if I waited by the entrance and killed anyone who entered.

I know things aren't perfect, but we have to learn to deal with them. My only weakness is silver arrows and a fairy was selling just that in my Pyramid of Power. So, what did I do? Did I complain? No. I sealed her into the wall and i made her fat. I dealt with it.

You didn't solve the problem at all. You could have made her leave. Or killed her.

It's no fun if it's not a challenge, right?

I'm sorry, are we doing this for fun, or are we doing this as part of your grand plan to unleash evil upon the world, because I thought you had a plan.

Anyone else? Anyone else have a problem with the way I do things?

I've been in the Ice Palace for a while now and I'm pretty sure there is a suit of armor inside that is specifically fitted for the mythical hero that's supposed to destroy us.

Me can't help eat bombs. They so delicious! You leased room in me dungeon to bomb dealer. Why you hate Dodongo?

This meeting is over.